33 — So many facets
A few hours after my call with Dad, the whole new team was called into the meeting room. I already knew what was coming, but still felt uneasy. Sitting at the huge rectangular table, I didn't see Julian or Sarah anywhere, and this made me sure that she was chosen — which brings me a relief because she's the best person for this.
The door opens, and Julian gives way for the woman to enter. His expression is serious and, looking at him this way, I would never have imagined that such dirty words could escape his lips.
I close my eyes tightly. Honestly… I feel like I'm in heat, something like that. What's wrong with my hormones? What does Julian awaken in me, anyway?
“Hello everyone.” Julian begins, setting himself beside the screen. “The reason for this sudden meeting is that a little reorganization was necessary.”
He runs his eyes over everyone present, but I feel him linger a moment longer on me.
“There are other critically important projects with tight deadlines that depend on me, so to take advantage of everyone's performance, we have decided that Sarah will take over as leader of this team, until the end of the project. We expect you to do an outstanding job as always, Sarah.”
Everyone claps discreetly, including me. I sense a few teasing glances at me and smiles that show more than happiness — they're laughing at me, as if this is some kind of public humiliation. But I don't feel humiliated at all, not even a bit… Even though they look at me as if I don't deserve anything but the gutter, I'm truly happy that Sarah is leading this project.
I really don't think I'm fit to make decisions like the ones that will be needed…
I'm not fit to be a boss.
“That said, I would also like to announce that Angelee will take over as my assistant on this particular project. Anything that needs to be handled with me should be forwarded to her. This is a way to improve efficiency.
I feel a shiver run down my spine, both because Julian's eyes are on me, so serious and firm, and because the smiles of the others are wilting in the same instant, especially the women's, who would die for the opportunity to be Julian's assistant.
“Any questions?” Julian puts his hands together, looking at them one by one, making sure no one has anything to add.
His seriousness during work is really… intimidating. He has so many facets that I feel anxious to find out what sides Julian hides in himself…. how can he be serious and at the same time carefree? How does he manage to maintain a stoical expression, yet smile so easily when it comes to his private life?
Oh, I want to find out more…
I want to uncover everything about Julian.
“Well, that's it then… good job, everyone!” He claps his hands, releasing everyone who stands up, slightly stunned.
I also stand, with wobbly legs, and lean on the table, feeling Julian's eyes on me once again. I look over my shoulder, meeting a smug smile on him, and close my eyes, leaving the room without saying a word.
I can already hear the murmuring.
People probably want to know why I have been demoted from leader to a — mere assistant —, and I suddenly feel claustrophobic, even in such an open space.
I follow straight on, walking around the floor, looking for some corner where I can hide at least a little. Just as I'm about to turn down the hall, however, I hear Sarah's voice call out to me, “Ms. O'Neil?”
I stop abruptly and turn to her, who is standing with her arms crossed and her usual unfriendly expression. Honestly, I don't want to fight. Couldn't she at least wait a little while to show her victory…?
“Why did you do that?” Sarah asks, with her usual serious tone.
“What do you mean?”
“You gave up the leadership, why?” She insists, without wavering in voice or expression.
“Oh…” I open my mouth, but no words escape but audible astonishment. Did Julian say that? “There's not a reason…”
“No one would give that up if it wasn't for a great reason.”
I sigh deeply, tugging at the high collar of my blouse that seems to choke me and narrow the knot in my throat.
“I'm just… not suited for the position.” I confess with another sigh, hugging my own body in a sloppy cross of arms, shrugging my shoulders. “This is too big a project that has too much at stake. The person leading it needs to be the best at what they do, and I'm not that person.”
This is the first time I see any other expression on Sarah's face, if not her usual rigidity. She's evidently surprised; her eyebrows raised so high that I couldn't even imagine it was possible.
“You seriously gave this up because you don't think you're good enough for it? Are you crazy?”
I give a bitter smile — that's precisely why.
“Look, I'm only doing this because it's what I believe is right. I really think you're more qualified for this position than I am.”
Sarah is looking at me with surprise and something I can't identify… then, her face returns to its usual seriousness.
“I won't thank you for that.”
I don't need a thanks from you.
I just give a forced smile, “Fine by me.”
Sarah looks at me one more time before walking away, and I take another deep breath, a little more relieved to have this burden off my shoulders.
***
I throw my arms up, unwinding, letting out an involuntary yawn. I look around and notice that, once again, the room is empty, and I didn't notice the moment they left. My eyes search for the clock and I close my eyes tightly because, once again, I have lost precious minutes of my lunch — which leaves me with no other restaurant options.
A strange feeling comes over my chest when I remember the way Julian treated Owner. He seemed quite annoyed that day.
As I am leaving, I notice that Grace, the new girl, is looking at me with apprehension. She's sitting on the bench in the small hall, slightly bothered. I push the elevator button, but it's still coming up from the first floor, and it causes me a sudden discomfort.
“Grace?” I called out to her, drawing her fearful brown eyes. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah… Yes, it's just…” She forces a discreet smile, “I missed time and there are probably no more spaces at the restaurant I usually go to… I don't know the area very well, so don’t know what to do.”
If I'm not mistaken, she's from the countryside in Nevada, just like me… She came to try life alone, full of dreams. It takes a lot of courage for a girl to leave the small town where she has lived all her life and face the bustle of New York. I know this because, a few years ago, I was that girl too… alone in winter, not knowing what would become of my future.
My eyes soften as I look at her.
The elevator doors finally open, and I give a shy smile, pointing with my head inward, “Well, do you want to have lunch with me, Grace?”
She looks at me surprised and somewhat confused.
I don't know if I would have the courage to go alone after that, but it will probably be okay if I go with her. Besides, it was just a one-time thing… There's no chance that Laura's ex-boyfriend was flirting with me, right?
“Come on, I know a great place nearby!”
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