54 — Can you promise me?

All the way to our apartment, Julian drove in silence. The motion of the car made me increasingly nauseous, but I struggled to control this sickness of mine. Walking through the lobby, getting on the elevator — Julian didn't say a single word to me. And when we step into the small hall of our floor, I freeze in place, unsure of what to do next.
Julian goes to his door without caring about my indecision and opens it wide, crossing his arms without entering. My fearful eyes reach his, and when he points with his head inside, I feel the air being stolen from my lungs.
I enter the apartment with fearful steps, and Julian walks in right after me. The click the door makes when it locks makes me flinch for a moment, but silence still reigns.
Julian leaves me standing there, and strides quickly into the kitchen. I watch the way his back flexes, the muscles evidently stiff and retracted.
“I'll make you something sweet to eat… pancakes, with plenty of syrup, just the way you like.” Julian says in a serious tone, with his back to me, fiddling with something on the counter. And the cold way he's treating this, the way he's treating me, makes me feel even worse.
I approach slowly, so quietly that he doesn't notice me, just keeps searching for the ingredients impatiently… But maybe things aren't working out the way he expected because he closes the cupboard hard and slams his fist on the counter.
It doesn't scare me. In fact, it just encourages me to hug him from behind, circling my arms around his waist and leaning my cheek against his back, that tenses even more. He flinches, head down, stiffening his body completely when he feels my warmth so close.
“I'm sorry.” I say softly, almost in a whisper… “I'm sorry, Julian.”
He remains still, silent… And I rub my cheek against his back, feeling my eyes watering again.
“This is exactly what I was afraid of…” I say, squeezing him even tighter, digging my fingers into his shirt, close to his chest… and somehow, I can feel his heart beating fast. “I've ruined everything.”
Julian lifts his head, tilting it all the way back until his chin is pointed up. Then his hand reaches for mine, enveloping it completely.
“I'm scared, Julian.” Closing my eyes tightly, I confess in an emotional tone. “I don't want to fight anymore.”
He turns slowly, leaning against the counter, still holding my hand gently. His eyes are on my face, on my expression that I don't care if it's sad, if it looks desolate with tears running down.
“Why did you go to the club?” Julian asks me lowly, yet still serious.
I open my trembling lips and consider making up some excuse, but… I don't want to lie anymore.
“I wanted to get you out of my system.”
“Why?”
I slide my hand down his chest, fitting myself between his legs, lowering my eyes, afraid of looking at his expression…. “I got jealous.”
Then I raise my eyes slowly, almost fearfully… and notice a discreet smile on his lips.
“Even though you said you and Cathy were just friends, it didn't seem that way. And you let me get it all wrong because you think it's cute to see me struggling to deal with it.”
The intensity of Julian's gaze is gradually stealing my air, constricting my throat.
“I know I've been stupid and messed up a lot tonight, but I thought that, if I could sleep with other people, just like you do, then I'd stop feeling this way.”
“What way?” He asks, tilting his face slightly, still with the silly grin on his face.
I curl my lips… No, I won't say.
I can't say.
“Look, Angelee, let me tell you one more time.” He slides his hand down the curves of my body, stopping them at my waist, “Cathy is just my friend.”
“I believe it. She told me.”
“So you believe her, but not me?” Julian raises an eyebrow, with a playful tone.
“You're a playboy.” I wrinkle my nose, drawing a low chuckle from him. I peek at his expression, noticing that there's no longer that irritation in his countenance.
“You're wronging me… I haven't been with any other woman since then.”
I feel my heart pounding hard, and I raise my eyes fearfully.
“You're different. And not because I know your name, or because you're my neighbor, my employee, or my best friend's daughter.” Julian runs his hand slowly up my arm, brushing his fingertips so lightly that it chills my skin… And he stops at my shoulder, pushing my hair back, exposing my collarbones.
“Why, then?”
He laughs quietly against my skin, then places a dry kiss on my collarbone and, even though it's just the brushing of his lips, makes me shiver. “Because you're important to me.”
Julian places his hand on the back of my neck, using his thumb to slide down my jaw.
“So… you forgive me?”
He tilts his head slightly, his breathing getting heavier and heavier. “What is there to forgive? It's my fault.”
I blink slowly, and my breathing begins to follow his.
“But I screwed up today.”
“Who hasn't screwed up in their life? You're still young, Angel… you can make mistakes and regret them.”
I moisten my lips, with my heart hammering in my chest.
“You're not mad?”
“Not anymore.”
“So… we're okay again?”
Julian stays silent, just looking straight into my eyes.
“We're not going to ignore each other again, are we?” I insist, my voice shaking, fear probably perceptible in my whole expression. “We're not going to fight anymore, right?”
He looks down at my lips, then back up to my eyes, still keeping silent… but his breathing is getting heavier.
“You are important to me too, and have been since the day we met. I told you, I don't want to lose our… *friendship.”*
My mouth feels bitter, but I try my best to be honest… at least about this I must be.
“Please make a promise to me, Julian. Promise me that, if you want to turn around and go back behind the line we crossed, you have to tell me.”
Julian lets out the sigh he probably tried to hold.
“No cold shoulder, no silent treatment. No fights or misunderstandings… Just tell me, and we'll get back to where we started, and our friendship will be the same as it used to be.”
I look straight into his eyes, holding tightly onto his shirt, snuggling into his hand that lingers on the back of my neck. And he holds my gaze without flinching.
“Can you promise me?”
“Yes.” Julian says, his voice so firm that it makes my heart pound strongly. “I promise.”
I close my eyes, relieved…
But I open them again, surprised, because his breath is mingling with mine. And his lips brush mine lightly when he adds, “But meanwhile, don't kiss other men.”
My eyes widen more.
“Don't show your body to others.” He squeezes the back of my neck, brushing our lips together, “Don't do that.”
I close my eyes, feeling an intense chill in my chest — a chill that feels like the coldest of winters, and it spreads throughout my body, chilling my skin. But when his warm tongue rubs against my lips, its heat spreads through every part of me. I open my mouth wide, allowing him to slide it inside and search for mine.
Julian holds tightly to the back of my neck, deepening the kiss, entwining his tongue with mine, swirling, moving my head to the side, guiding it with smooth movements that match his rhythm. His soft, fierce kiss makes my legs weaken and falter, so I dig my hands into his shirt, snuggling into his warmth.
However, he spins me around without interrupting the kiss, pinning me against the counter this time. His hand trailing up the back of my neck, griping my hair tightly, devouring my mouth even more fiercely, conveying every emotion we've felt in this single day.
The way his tongue searches and rubs against mine makes me feel intoxicated again, but not from the drink, but from the arousal Julian causes in me.
But to my frustration, he interrupts the kiss, tugging my bottom lip with his teeth slightly. And when I open my eyes, I notice he's looking at me intently, almost like he's fighting an internal battle.
“Tell me, Angel.” Julian's voice sounds hoarse and desperate. He loosens the grip on my hair and brings it back to my face, rubbing his thumb against my jaw, lifting my chin, “Do you want to go back behind that line today?”
I look at his lips… then up again to his green eyes, so beautiful they look like emeralds.
Damn… I really am a fool for Julian Adams.
“No… not today.”