177 — JULIAN ADAMS (POV)

My nerves are on edge. I’m so stressed that I shift my leg constantly, oblivious to my brothers’ fun conversations going on around me. I can’t concentrate on what they say when Angelee is alone with my mother. I know Mom is not someone who would hurt her, still-
*Suddenly, a child’s childish cries reach my ears.* I know this shouldn’t be possible since so many years have passed, but I can actually hear it, almost like I’m back in the past. And *with each step toward Jessica’s cries, in this mansion that was empty that day, everything around me grows darker. The lights are going out in my walk… But my little sister’s desperate screams only get louder.*
*In front of that white door, my breathing becomes heavy. I know I should just burst open it, but I’m frozen in place, aware of every drop of sweat that slides down my spine under my shirt. Deep down, I know what’s happening on the other side; it’s Jack’s death anniversary. It’s been six years since he died.*
**Open the fucking door, Julian.**
**Open and find your demons.**
*My shaking hands reached for the doorknob.* […] **Mommy, mommy, mommy** — *Jessica is crying. I swallow hard and open the door that doesn’t creak, doesn’t make a sound. All I can hear is the voice of my little sister, who is too small to reach our mother’s feet.* There’s no longer the conversation of my brothers around me; their voices disappear *amid the unbearable scream, the swinging rope, and my desperate footsteps echoing as I throw myself toward them.*
**Mother, what are you doing?** *I hold your legs and support your body in my arms.* **Jessica is crying; how could you do this to her?** Of course, I don’t say anything like that. I never have. Actually, I envied her — I never dared to put a rope around my neck.
I look at my hands; they are bigger now than before. So many things slipped through those fingers, and I just let them go. I watched my mother get sicker and sicker, and her eyes lose their shine as the years went by.
She loved me, so why did she look at me like she couldn’t see me?
Father left us for long trips, weeks away from home. The family collapsed around me like a fragile glass... And its shards cut me inside. I bled and blamed myself…
Then I ran away.
But now, my brothers are talking and laughing. *Jessica is smiling.* That little girl who cried at our mother’s feet is here, laughing as if Jordan can tell the funniest jokes in the world.
My heart warms.
Yeah, I quite missed home.
I stand up, noticing that their eyes are on me, but I don’t say any words; I just let my feet guide me through the hallways that are still so familiar. I walk up the same steps I used to run as a child and take the same turns... but instead of opening and walking through the door like when I was nine years old, my feet freeze to the floor.
My heart races, pulsing in my throat, and I hesitate. There are so many memories flooding my mind that my eyes burn. Still, I open the door, smelling the same scent I used to back then… of clean sheets, *of my brother’s fragrance wafting through the air.* There’s no way I can feel this, I know... But it feels as real as the furniture.
There’s not a single thing out of place. In this room, it’s like time has stopped. The trophies Jack won at the science fair are on the wall along with picture frames with old photos; silly ones, with family and with friends; in kindergarten, at middle school graduation, in an American football uniform during high school. Photos with Mike, with me, with our brothers… with my parents.
I approach slowly, stopping in front of the portrait he always kept by his bed — Jack leaning against Mike’s car, next to him, while I sit on the car’s hood, making the peace sign with my fingers. So many smiles… Who would have thought that a few months after this photo, our lives would change like this?
Haha… more than twenty years have passed, and it still hurts like hell.
I caress Jack’s face with my thumb, wishing this little touch on the photo would ease some of that hurt, but there’s nothing in this world that could make it go away.
Then, I move my eyes to Jack’s bed, noticing that there are several gifts on the mattress.
When I’m almost touching one of the boxes, I hear footsteps stop behind me. I look over my shoulder, frowning, when I see that Father is standing there, leaning against the doorframe.
Funny, it’s been a few years since I last saw him, but he also remains the same; his rigid green eyes still wither me like when I was a boy.
Suddenly, I remember the look on his face the last time I saw him… when I found out what he was planning to do behind my back.
[…] **“That is true?”** *I asked, but I wanted you to deny it. If you told me that you would never do something like that, I would have believed you. Even though Mike was the one who told me, I would have believed you, Dad!* **“Tell me it’s a lie, a misunderstanding... It was Jack’s dream! Please, I’m begging you, tell me-”**
[…] **“It’s true. You must focus on your duty. This company is just wasting your time. Focus on the future that awaits you. You’re my heir, Julian — forget about that dream nonsense; you need to let Jacob go.”**
*I thought you were a monster.*
*But that was a facade, wasn’t it?*
*Now I can see through your mask… Those hard eyes also hide wounds deep inside them.*
I sigh, walking towards him, seeing that he moves away from the doorway but doesn’t take a single step ahead.
*I’m sorry, Dad… for not seeing your pain, for having judged you so badly* — I would like to say that, but I still can’t-
Suddenly, Father closes the distance and grabs my shoulder, pulling me into an unexpected hug. His arms hold me tight, leaving me completely stunned and with widened eyes that shine with emotions ready to overflow.
He doesn’t say a single word, just squeezes me tight, like he’s saying *welcome home.*
My hesitant hands reach for his back, and I return the embrace, still a little awkward from this sudden gesture. My dad hasn’t hugged us in years… not since Jack left us.
I remember how we used to be happy and how Father laughed even when he pretended to be angry. He even brought us special gifts from his trips, something that made us feel unique and loved-
Wait... those gifts on Jack’s bed...
“I’m sorry,” Father says hoarsely, his voice choked with feelings he has repressed for too long. “I’m sorry for everything, son.”
I nod, unable to respond, but soon, I feel other arms around us. Josh also holds us tight without saying a single word. Jordan and Jessica come together when my dad reaches out, inviting them into this messy hug… which is honestly the last thing I would expect to happen at this family gathering.
Seven years have passed, and we have hurt each other a lot since then. But life is really too short to keep holding on to wounds and stopping them from healing.
Time passes in the blink of an eye, and we should enjoy every moment with the ones we love… after all, it could be our last. And now I’m sounding like Angelee, but I guess it’s just her influence bringing the best out of me.
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[…] Back in the dining room, I meet Angelee’s smile. I feel a little more at peace when I notice that she’s looking bright and oddly close to my mother.
“Why do you have puffy eyes?” Mother asks with a laugh, but of course, she already knows exactly the answer… Jack used to say that she had *mother’s superpowers,* more powerful than shooting lightning from the eyes or flying. Funny enough, even though I’m not nine years old anymore, I still believe it… after all, Mom still does her thing — figuring me out with just one look.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Father says, straightening his suit.
“Hmm, really?” Mother approaches him, studying his expression with a naughty smile. “Did you cry, honey?”
“Nonsense.” He retorts, looking away.
“He definitely did,” Jessica says with a laugh.
“Yes, even though he’s such a tough guy.” Jordan laughs, putting his arm behind Father’s back.
“What is that?” Suddenly, a voice that I haven’t heard in a long time reaches my ears, sending a chill down my spine. I freeze, looking in its direction... and everything seems to unfold in slow motion the moment I lay my eyes on *him.* “So it’s true… Julian has returned home.”
[…] **“Bobo doesn’t want to play with me!”** The cute little boy’s face flashed into my mind, flooding my memories with his big brown eyes that always watered as he begged for my attention.
“Jeremiah.” His name escapes my lips, and he looks at me without any emotion on his face… so different from my clingy baby bro.
Seven years ago… he was sitting in that room, following our father and Mr. O’Neil’s orders. And I blamed him, just like I blamed them all.
But Jeremiah and I are no different. Not really. And because of me, he also took on responsibilities too soon… He was also young. So I wouldn’t blame you for hating me-
“Make sure you don’t disappear again.” Jerry’s words make my eyes widen in surprise. “We miss you, so try to be here a little more.”
Jeremiah…
“Oh, they sure will!” Mother says, placing her hands on Angelee’s shoulders while my fiancée touches her own belly. “After all, our family is *growing.”*
“Growing?” Jessica asks, confused, but soon, surprise catches her face. She covers her mouth, her eyes beaming. “Hang on…”
“You’re pregnant?!” Jordan complements what was on our little sister’s mind.
Their reactions are mixed with surprise and happiness. They’re speaking at the same time, tangling the talk with different words and tones that make it impossible to understand a single thing...
Still, I’m glad. And I don’t know if Jack still can watch over us, but I hope that he stays in peace wherever he is…
After all, it may have taken a while, but now, we’re finally going to be fine.