Chapter 121 Understanding
The busy day finally came to an end, and in the evening, I declined my colleagues' invitation to have dinner together, bought some fast food alone, and returned to the hotel. Just as I arrived at the hotel and hadn't taken a few bites, Katniss called. In the phone call, Katniss sweetly expressed her lovesickness for me, as if there were endless words to say, with joy and pride in her tone.
"Honey, come back soon. When you come back, your wife will compensate you well."
"Honey, I wore the bracelet to work today. My colleagues all said the bracelet you gave me is very beautiful, and it's not cheap. They are all envious."
"Honey, don't buy me such expensive things in the future. Actually, as long as you give me a blessing, I will be very happy. Of course, I really really like the bracelet you gave me, you surprised me with that."
"Forgive me for not answering your call last night. I thought you forgot my birthday, so I was angry. But now that I think about it, even if you really forgot my birthday, I shouldn't blame you. After all, you are so busy with work, most of the burden at home falls on you, so I can understand if you forget the date."
"Wife promises you, I won't get angry with you anymore in the future. I will only give you understanding and comfort."
Katniss seemed very guilty about last night's events, and even more regretful about her indulgence. She kept talking on the phone, mostly on her side, while I ate and listened. Finally, I hung up Katniss's call after a long conversation. Tired after a day, I finished eating, took a quick shower, and relieved the fatigue of the day.
After showering, it was already 7 o'clock in the evening. Would there be any passion tonight? Sitting on the bed in a bath towel, I opened my laptop. This time, it didn't seem as urgent as before, maybe because I've watched it many times and have become somewhat immune to it.
I turned on the home surveillance, set the time for when Katniss finished work. When Katniss came home, she smiled and greeted Nathan, but she seemed a bit unnatural at this moment, perhaps because of last night's events, which Nathan also noticed. Nathan saw Katniss come home and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
After changing into pajamas in the bedroom, Katniss called me. After the call, Katniss started to tidy up the house. Maybe because of last night's indulgence, now the two of them didn't look at each other and rarely spoke. Nathan cooked in the kitchen with restraint, while Katniss busied herself cleaning the room. However, Katniss always smiled inadvertently while cleaning the room, a smile filled with happiness and contentment, perhaps thinking of the birthday gift I gave her. Nathan and Katniss were intimate for so long last night, should they rest tonight? And would Katniss be in the mood for intimacy with Nathan tonight?
After finishing cleaning, Katniss seemed a bit tired, after all, she was so tired last night, physically and mentally.
Katniss suddenly sneezed, then quickly grabbed a tissue from the table to wipe her nose.
"What's wrong? Katniss, not feeling well?" Seeing Katniss sneeze, Nathan, full of worry and care, hurried out of the kitchen to ask Katniss.
"I don't know what's wrong, I've been sneezing all day, and my nose is starting to get stuffy." Katniss said as she wiped her nose. It was only then that I noticed that Katniss had a nasal tone when she called me, indicating that she had caught a cold.
"Did you catch a cold last night? After all, you sweated a lot." Nathan seemed to have figured something out and quickly interjected, but stopped talking abruptly.
Thinking about it now, that seemed to be the case. Katniss and Nathan had a passionate night last night, both sweating profusely, and they didn't even take a shower afterwards due to exhaustion from drinking and making love. Katniss just lay directly on the bed and fell asleep, seemingly without even covering herself with a blanket. After a night, Katniss got sick, after all, a woman's body is more delicate than a man's.
"I drank too much last night, I don't remember what happened." With Nathan's reminder, Katniss remembered the craziness of last night, from the bathroom to the living room, then being carried into the bedroom by Nathan, with kissing and other activities. Thinking of this, Katniss blushed, feeling a bit embarrassed and quickly covered it up. Did she forget? Did her expression show that she forgot? Nathan might have noticed this, but didn't point it out.
"Quickly take some cold medicine." Nathan quickly went back to find cold medicine for Katniss, then handed her a glass of ice water.
"Thank you, Dad." Katniss smiled gratefully, touched by Nathan's meticulous care.
"You're sick, don't clean up, rest well. I'll take care of it later." Nathan asked Katniss to sit on the sofa, then went back to the kitchen to continue cooking.
Alone on the sofa, Katniss watched TV, occasionally lifting her hand to look at the bracelet on her wrist, her face showing love and happiness, as if she could never get enough of that bracelet. She not only liked the style of the bracelet, but more importantly, because it was a birthday gift I gave her. What she didn't know was that the bracelet was not from me, but from Nathan. At this moment, she was indirectly treating Nathan as me.
At the dinner table, Katniss and Nathan ate, Katniss seemed to be in a good mood, chatting and laughing with Nathan. However, they didn't mention last night's events at all, as if they had never happened. After dinner, Nathan let Katniss rest early because she was sick, and he cleaned up the tableware alone. Since Katniss was sick tonight, nothing could happen, especially since Nathan actively let Katniss rest, prioritizing her health. And judging from Katniss's behavior tonight, even if she wasn't sick, she didn't seem to have the intention of making love with Nathan.
After returning to the room, Katniss sat on the bed, contemplating, sometimes laughing, sometimes sad, sometimes confused. Finally, she opened the computer. It seemed like she hadn't been online for a long time, as usually when she came home, I would occupy the computer. Katniss opened the browser, browsed some posts, and even searched on websites, mostly about taboo relationships. The last time Katniss browsed this kind of content, she hadn't had any contact with Nathan yet, but now, after multiple sexual encounters with Nathan, she was back online. Times have changed, that's the only explanation I could think of at the moment.
After reading some experiences and opinions of others, Katniss reopened the forum, entered her username and password, and finally logged in to the forum with the account "Pink Lily". There seemed to be many messages and notifications in Katniss's forum account inbox. After a brief look, she started writing a journal.
At this moment, I inexplicably began to look forward to it, after all, it had been a long time since Katniss last posted a journal. Since her relationship with Nathan, which started with Nathan raping her, she had been hesitant to fully accept this taboo relationship, so she hadn't posted on the forum again. Now, she finally started writing a journal again.
In the past, I used to guess Katniss's inner thoughts through her journal. But since she stopped writing in the forum, I could only guess through Katniss's expressions and actions, even eavesdropping. However, these methods were not entirely accurate. To truly understand Katniss's real thoughts, I needed to read her private journal. In the video, Katniss slowly typed, sometimes lowering her head to contemplate, as if brewing how to write and what to write. Sometimes her brows furrowed, sometimes her expression relaxed.
After an hour, Katniss finally finished writing the journal, and it was already past eight o'clock. Katniss shut down the computer, feeling unwell due to exhaustion from last night, so she played with her phone for a while before falling asleep deeply.
Seeing Katniss asleep, I couldn't wait to log into the forum, entered the account and password, and finally entered the exclusive space of "Pink Lily". There were many messages in her inbox, but I suppressed my curiosity and didn't immediately read Katniss's journal. Instead, I first read some messages from others to her. The content was mostly about some horny males asking for her contact information, inquiring about the progress of things with Nathan, urging her to update the journal, and so on. Only a few serious people gave advice to Katniss, expressing their opinions, and so on.
After reading Katniss's inbox, I nervously opened Katniss's journal list. The newly written journal finally appeared in front of me. With an excited heart, I began to read it, as if it were a puzzle that had been unsolvable for a long time, and now I was finally going to know the answer.
"Time flies so fast. It's been a long time since I updated my journal on the forum. Many people thought I had disappeared, but in fact, a lot has happened recently. Most friends are concerned about whether I have had a relationship with Nathan, and how it happened. I didn't tell everyone in the original journal. So here, I want to clarify that I have had a relationship with Nathan, but at the beginning, it wasn't consensual, it's not an exaggeration to say that Nathan raped me. Now, I no longer avoid making love with Nathan. The process is complicated, not as simple as some people think. Some people think that my relationship with Nathan is too lascivious, but I want to say that making love with Nathan is not just about sexual needs, there is also a part because he loves me, and I can't give him love, I can only satisfy him sexually, it's a kind of alternative compensation. Originally, I wanted to keep some boundaries with Nathan, but due to some accidents, these boundaries were not kept. The sex with Nathan is much more intense than with my husband. To be honest, Nathan's sexual prowess is very strong, far beyond what Kevin can compare."
"Nathan's sexual prowess is very strong, far beyond what Kevin can compare." Seeing this sentence, I couldn't help but feel a pang in my heart. Although I knew my sexual abilities were not as good as Nathan's, which I admitted to myself, seeing that Katniss also thought so truly hurt. But what Katniss said was the truth. Of course, Katniss would only express this true thought on the forum. In reality, she would always use kind lies to deceive and comfort me, without letting me know or find out. Suppressing the pain in my heart, trying to accept this reality, I continued reading.
"People say that the shortcut to a woman's soul is through her vagina. But in my case, I haven't experienced that. Nathan's lower body is bigger and longer than Kevin 's, in terms of depth, Nathan is much deeper than Kevin . But so far, Nathan hasn't completely entered my heart. I used to be afraid of losing myself, falling into Nathan's tenderness, and truly falling in love with him because of too much sex with Nathan. But the person who can truly touch my heartstrings is only Kevin . I care about his every expression, his joys and sorrows. Like yesterday, I thought he forgot my birthday, which made me feel heartbroken, even made me feel a strong sense of revenge. In fact, I know that even if Kevin forgets my birthday, it's understandable, after all, he carries so much pressure, and my body has already strayed. What do I have to blame him for? Perhaps it's because of deep love and sharp responsibility. If Nathan forgets my birthday, I definitely won't be sad or angry. But the result is good. My husband deliberately did that to give me a sudden surprise.
When I discovered the truth, my heartache instantly healed, the original sadness completely dissipated, and even the physical fatigue disappeared instantly. Kevin 's care was like a panacea, curing all ailments. But after the start, there was deep guilt and regret. I misunderstood Kevin and even ignored him all night. Even because of revenge and venting, I indulged and sunk into madness with Nathan. If time could go back, I would definitely stay quietly in my room last night and not leave.
After having a relationship with Nathan, to be honest, I was very obsessed, but I was obsessed with Nathan's body and sexual prowess. Undeniably, his powerful sexual prowess conquered my body, he could easily give me one climax after another. I even felt that before having a relationship with Nathan, I wasn't a complete woman. I didn't know that lovemaking could be so wonderful. But with Nathan, lovemaking only brought physical pleasure, and there was some internal resistance. After all, he is not Kevin , ethical and moral thoughts tormented me, and it reduced the pleasure during lovemaking. However, Nathan's strong sexual prowess overshadowed all of this. He made me feel the climax and pleasure that Kevin could never give. Before making love with Nathan, I didn't even know I could squirt. Sometimes I think, if Kevin could have such sexual abilities, it would be great. In that case, both physically and mentally, I would feel immense pleasure.
I feel guilty towards Kevin , after all, my body has completely strayed. But I also did it a little for his own good. Even if it's a way to honor him on behalf of Nathan, because I know he loves his Nathan very much, Nathan's position in his heart is even higher than me. Many friends asked me if I would confess to Kevin . My answer is absolutely not. I can only try to hide it as much as possible, never let Kevin find out. Although if Kevin finds out about me and Nathan, he may not choose to leave me, but I don't want any flaws in our love, at least let him feel that our love is always pure and flawless, this is the only thing I feel indebted to Kevin .
Kevin , forgive my indulgence. I promise you, I will never leave you, I will love you forever. Nathan is always a tool for self-pleasure in my heart, a living tool for self-pleasure. A woman will never fall in love with a tool for self-pleasure. I dare not guarantee that I will not have a relationship with Nathan again in the future, but I can guarantee that if one day Nathan's body fails, and my sexual needs are not so strong, I will completely cut off this relationship. In the future, my body will belong to you alone."
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