Chapter 209
Although Katniss had a premonition of what was coming, at this moment we were in the community, with the main road outside. If she started crying now, she would definitely attract the attention of passersby. I walked ahead, with Katniss leading Simon behind me, looking very panicked. Just as we crossed the pedestrian crossing, Katniss almost got hit by a car while leading Simon. At this point, she was so distracted that I had to stop and walk alongside her and the child.
In her heart, she had already made up her mind about the decision regarding our future, but there was still a glimmer of hope in her heart, hoping that she was wrong. We slowly made our way home. Simon was still young, only interested in playing and watching TV. He chattered non-stop along the way, completely unaware of my inner turmoil. If only adults could be as carefree as children.
In the living room, I sat with Simon to watch TV. I had planned to discuss the divorce with Katniss tonight, but then I remembered Simon was still there. If Katniss got emotional and lost control, it could scare the child. So I decided that the next morning, I would take Simon to school first. While Simon was at school, I would try to settle all matters and procedures with Katniss. Katniss had been taking care of us all along, washing fruits, doing laundry. Perhaps she was using labor to distract herself, or maybe she was making a last effort to salvage something.
When it was time to sleep at night, I carried Simon back to the bedroom. Tonight, I decided to sleep in the bedroom with Katniss and the child, as it might be the last night. What used to be a normal family rest now felt incredibly bitter in my heart. Katniss could no longer read my mind at this point. Perhaps the events of the day had driven her close to madness, making it impossible for her to gauge my attitude. But she was happy that we could sleep together tonight.
In the past, Simon would sleep on the inner side, with Katniss in the middle between me and Simon for safety. Tonight, I intentionally placed Simon between Katniss and me, to create distance between us and to let Simon enjoy the warmth of his parents for the last time. The biggest victim in our quarrel was Simon. As a child, he was the most innocent. Growing up in a single-parent household might lead to psychological changes and potential missteps. In the end, children from single-parent families always seem to lack something compared to normal children.
Throughout the night, I could sense that Katniss was not asleep either. Most of the time, I was in a half-awake state. Memories of Katniss and I kept replaying in my mind like a movie. Thinking back to our sweet times, I felt a deep reluctance to leave, but thoughts of what happened between Katniss and Nathan on the island shattered my last bit of softness and hesitation.
At this moment, Katniss and I had a rare moment of understanding. We sighed intermittently, while Simon, who knew nothing and didn't care, slept soundly, snoring softly. And so, the last night passed like this, with both Katniss and I having bloodshot eyes. Katniss got up early to make breakfast for the child, while I helped Simon get dressed and ready. Initially, I had planned to quietly take Simon away and have the divorce handled by a lawyer. But upon careful consideration, I realized that involving a lawyer might lead to the exposure of our family scandal. How would Nathan and Katniss handle it then? After weighing my options, I decided to talk to Katniss face to face and agree on the divorce.
"Come with me to take the child to school." After breakfast, I dressed the child, while Katniss stood by, unsure whether to join us. Since returning home last night, Katniss had not spoken a word to me, not because she didn't want to, but because she didn't dare. She had been doing housework to distract herself and perhaps to make a final attempt to hold on to something.
Upon hearing my words, Katniss was torn between joy and sorrow. My actions from last night to this morning were completely baffling, leaving her unable to understand. Nevertheless, she put on her coat and joined me in taking Simon to school. When we arrived at the school, Katniss stood by my side, watching as Simon gradually walked into the campus. She seemed to sense something, her eyes fixed on Simon until he disappeared from sight.
We returned to the car, and I drove with the quiet and dejected Katniss towards the courthouse. My briefcase was already filled with all the necessary documents for the divorce proceedings. Katniss remained silent during the drive, realizing that we were not heading home. However, she said nothing. I had avoided looking at Katniss's expression these past few days because her demeanor would have made me feel unbearable.
Eventually, we arrived at the courthouse. When the car stopped at the courthouse entrance, Katniss in the passenger seat also noticed. Her body trembled, as if her suspicions had been confirmed. I said nothing, as I couldn't go into the courthouse to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Katniss. It had to be done in the car. My car had good soundproofing, and all the windows were tinted. From the outside, no one could see inside the car.
I first took out the divorce agreement from my briefcase and handed it to Katniss. As she took the agreement, she couldn't see what it was because the cover was facing away from her. But she could feel it. With trembling hands, she turned the agreement over and saw the words "Divorce Agreement" on the cover.
Upon seeing those words, Katniss grabbed the agreement and threw it at me, as if it were burning her hands. After tossing it to my side, she looked at me with wide eyes. Tears flowed uncontrollably from her eyes, as she stared at me with a mix of despair and silence. I averted my gaze, unable to meet her eyes, as her gaze was too intense to resist.
"Husband, at least I can still call you that. I had a feeling that this day might come, but I still held onto a glimmer of hope. Despite the subtle atmosphere these days, I have truly enjoyed our life together because at least you were by my side. But now, husband, why? Why won't you give me one last chance? I just want to atone. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you and our son. I don't expect you to forgive me in the future, but I am willing to do anything for you. You can treat me as a stranger, as a nanny, you can have a lover, live with her, anything. I only have one request, let me stay by your side. As long as I can see you, take care of you, hear your voice, see your face, I will be content. Please, don't do this, okay?" Katniss poured out her heart to me through tears, expressing all her innermost thoughts and showing her willingness to pay the ultimate price. I believe anyone, as long as they are still human, would be moved by her words. However, I had closed off my heart completely these past few days.
"If you truly care for me, let's just go through with the divorce proceedings. I don't want to endure this torment anymore. What's done is done, and it can't be undone. I don't want to spend the rest of my life living in the agony of memories. I want to find a place to start a new life. The only thing I will take from our home is Simon. All other assets, including the house, all the money in the bank accounts, the car, everything, I will leave to you. I will only take Simon with me." I stared at the steering wheel, speaking softly. My words were no longer filled with anger as they had been in the previous days, but with sighs and reflections.
"Husband, how can I go on without you and our child? I don't want anything, I just want you and the child. I can divorce you, but please don't leave me with the child. After the divorce, you can treat me as a stranger, as a nanny, living in your house taking care of you and the child, without needing to pay me a salary. I will give you all my earnings, just give me a meal to eat. Isn't that enough?" Katniss had lost control at this point, throwing herself onto me, burying her face in my shoulder and crying uncontrollably.
"My mind is made up, there's no turning back." I gripped the steering wheel tightly, my hands clenched, my lips almost bitten through. After saying these words, I bit my lip, feeling as though my heart was bleeding upon hearing Katniss's words. It was impossible not to be moved by what she said, but I had to force myself not to look back. My words were short, but they conveyed my stance clearly.
Upon hearing my words, Katniss stopped crying. She lifted her face, now covered in tears. She stopped crying, moved away from my shoulder, and appeared eerily calm. Her calmness was somewhat frightening. She took out a tissue from her bag and wiped her face.
"Let's go." Katniss sighed and said briefly.
Together, Katniss and I walked into the courthouse. When it was time to sign the divorce papers, I saw Katniss's hands trembling, hesitating to put pen to paper. She looked at me with helplessness and despair, as I avoided her gaze and looked straight ahead. However, from the corner of my eye, I could see that Katniss's face had lost all color.
In the end, Katniss signed the papers. Her usually elegant and beautiful signature was now crooked and ugly on the divorce papers, as her hand no longer obeyed her commands. After completing the formalities, Katniss and I walked out of the courthouse side by side. Katniss seemed to have lost all her spirit. As we reached the stairs at the courthouse entrance, her foot slipped, almost falling. Luckily, I caught her in time, a reflexive and subconscious action.
After supporting Katniss, she trembled, wanting to say something but unable to. She didn't say anything, and her once rosy lips had lost their color. She knew that the man supporting her was no longer her beloved husband.
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