Chapter 51 Free and Easy
Seeing this, I know that after this month and a half, she still hasn't let go of that emotional barrier in her heart. For the sake of me, her husband, she is still suppressing her desires. Thinking about this, I am deeply moved, because from her recent interactions with Nathan, I know how strong her desires were when she entered her thirties. Today, she was able to reject Nathan at a critical moment, showing how much psychological strength she must have.
Could this be the reason for Katniss's low mood this morning? It's possible, after all, even though it was only a few short minutes, Katniss must have gone through what seemed like a long struggle in her heart, leaving her mentally exhausted. I continue to watch the computer video, simultaneously opening the monitoring windows for Katniss's bedroom and living room, with both videos playing in sync.
Katniss enters the bedroom in a panic, locks the door behind her, and leans against the door, breathing heavily. It's clear from this how flustered she was at that moment, as she slowly calms her breathing against the door.
In the living room, Nathan awkwardly composes himself for a long time. He stands up, his face showing fatigue and desolation, like a man who has been rejected and abandoned by his lover. Nathan stands up straight, closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. When he opens his eyes, his expression calms down. He silently turns off the TV, then the lights in the living room, and slowly drags his much older body towards his bedroom. As he passes Katniss's bedroom, he looks at her door with a longing gaze, staring as if he wants to take one last look at his beloved, his eyes unwilling to leave. His final longing turns into a deep sigh as Nathan returns to his bedroom and slowly closes the door behind him.
Meanwhile, Katniss, who is calming her emotions in the bedroom, hears the sound of Nathan turning off the TV. She suddenly turns around, her face pressed against the blurry glass of the door, illuminated by the contrasting lights of the living room and bedroom. She can clearly see Nathan in the living room. When she sees Nathan's conflicted and awkward appearance, along with his desolate expression, a hint of pain flashes in Katniss's eyes. As she watches Nathan standing in front of his bedroom door, gazing longingly at her door, the two of them quietly lock eyes through the glass, with Katniss being able to see Nathan but Nathan unable to see Katniss. Katniss stares intently at Nathan's much older figure, slowly disappearing into the bedroom. As Nathan closes his door, Katniss's pain turns into tears, which flow from her eyes, drop by drop, down her pointed chin to the floor.
Seeing Nathan return to his bedroom and close the door, Katniss slowly turns around, leans against the door, and starts crying. Perhaps Nathan's recent desolate appearance made her feel very sorry, and at the same time, she realized how much her actions just now hurt Nathan's self-esteem. Recalling memories with Nathan and his contributions to their home, she finally couldn't control her tears for Nathan.
Katniss's crying becomes more and more heartbreaking, and eventually she slowly sinks to the floor, sitting down with her back against the door, her face buried in her knees. I can't see Katniss's expression, as she hugs her knees with her hands, her face hidden by her knees, but I can tell from her trembling shoulders that she is still crying heartbreakingly. Her crying is so heartbreaking that even through the monitor, I can hear her faint sobs, which linger in the quiet bedroom at night, sounding so desolate.
I close the monitoring window for the living room and open the one for Nathan's bedroom. Nathan is lying on the bed, with his eyes half closed, sometimes tight and sometimes relaxed, his face showing a hint of pain, perhaps as he contemplates many things. Perhaps being rejected by Katniss just now felt like a man mustering up the courage to confess his love to his beloved, only to be rejected in the end. I have experienced that kind of heart-wrenching pain. Slowly, Nathan starts to gently wipe the corners of his eyes with his just-healed hands, a movement that surprises me. I zoom in on the camera and finally notice that Nathan is also shedding tears, tears of extreme sadness.
Watching Katniss cry and Nathan being tormented by pain and tears, I suddenly feel deep pain in my heart. Is this the situation I wanted? Originally, I wanted Katniss and Nathan to fulfill their physical and emotional desires, but now it seems to have caused them so much sadness and pain. Watching Katniss and Nathan cry, I really want to reach into the screen to comfort them. Sitting in front of the screen, I hesitate for the first time, unsure if I should let the situation continue to develop. Should I continue to push and meddle? The current situation is hurting all three of us, and we are all plunged into pain at the same time, which is not what I wanted. For the first time, I feel like the plan is slipping out of my control.
Watching the two in the room, I am filled with deep self-blame. After a long time, the sorrowful emotions of Nathan and Katniss gradually subside. Katniss gets up, wipes her tears with a tissue, then slowly lies back on the bed. Despite her deep sadness, she occasionally sobs while lying down. Katniss and Nathan lie quietly in bed, both lost in their own thoughts. Tonight is a sleepless night for them, filled with countless memories, worries, and even choices flashing through their minds.
As time passes, maybe this is why Katniss was feeling off this morning. After over two hours, I finally dispel my doubts, preparing to shut down the computer and rest for a while, as I didn't sleep at all last night. After the sadness and curiosity, a sense of weariness makes my eyelids heavier and heavier, and I prepare to rest. But just as I'm about to shut down the computer, Katniss, who was lying on the bed lost in thought, suddenly opens her eyes. Her eyes are clear, without the grogginess of just waking up. As Katniss slowly sits up, my nerves tense up along with her movement.
Katniss slowly gets up and walks out of the bedroom. Is Katniss going to Nathan's room? With this thought, I suddenly become alert, the drowsiness from before disappearing without a trace. But as I wait to confirm Katniss's destination, she unexpectedly walks into the bathroom. Seeing this, I thought Katniss was going to use the bathroom. However, once in the bathroom, Katniss doesn't use the toilet but instead turns on the tap to wash her face. I know she wants to wash away the tears she didn't dry, and also clear her mind.
After carefully washing her face, Katniss looks up at the mirror above the sink, staring blankly at herself. Her gaze is unfocused and uncertain, as if she's been through some intense thinking and decision-making.
After a few minutes, Katniss seems to have figured something out. She combs her long hair and straightens her nightgown. Looking at herself in the mirror, she tries to make her expression natural, and I wonder what she was thinking just now. At this moment, facing herself in the mirror, she suddenly appears relaxed and carefree. She smiles at her reflection, as if wiping away all the unpleasantness from before. She takes a few deep breaths in front of the mirror, then, with that carefree attitude, opens the bathroom door.
Seeing Katniss seemingly emerging from her pain, my heart finally relaxes, as I hope for Katniss to be happy. I had planned to have a deep conversation with Katniss tonight, to help her open up, but now I realize I don't need to do anything more, or take the risk of explaining the situation. After Katniss exits the bathroom, she turns towards the bedroom, but to my surprise, she doesn't head to our bedroom. Instead, with determined steps, she walks towards Nathan's room. Her pace is steady, showing no signs of nervousness or panic, her captivating figure appearing resolute.
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
