Chapter 154 Decision
"Honey, let's not go home first. Let's go out and have dinner outside, okay?" Sitting in the passenger seat, Katniss looked very happy. Not being pregnant, she finally let go of her worries and seemed to have returned to her usual lively state.
"Alright, where should we go?" I also felt relaxed inside, as I really didn't want Katniss to be pregnant.
Katniss and I went to the park, to the commercial street. Katniss was very excited, as we hadn't gone shopping for a long time. We had been too busy with work, but taking this leave for the hospital check-up was really not easy. Without any worries, Katniss and I let go of everything and focused on enjoying the present moment. Unconsciously, it was already evening.
"Honey, let's not go back for dinner. Let's eat outside. Let's go to the food street." It was dinner time, and Katniss suggested enthusiastically.
"Sure, but let me call Dad and tell him." Honestly, today my mood was good, and my appetite had improved. It had been a long time since I had a proper meal.
I called Nathan and told him that Katniss and I wouldn't be coming home for dinner. It was only when I made this call to Nathan that I realized we had been so excited since leaving the hospital that we had forgotten to tell him the results. Nathan, for some reason, didn't call to ask, maybe he didn't have the courage. When I told him over the phone that Katniss was not pregnant and it was all a false alarm, Nathan fell silent for a long time on the other end of the line. We exchanged a few more words and then hung up.
Katniss and I drove for a long time with the car full of luggage, finally arriving at the famous food street nearby to enjoy the variety of foods. We tried a bit of everything, aiming to sample as many dishes as possible. Happy times are always short-lived, and by the time we got home, it was almost 11 o'clock at night. We had to carry the luggage back upstairs, and by the time we reached home, Katniss and I were sweaty and out of breath.
Nathan's bedroom door was closed, he must have been asleep. Quietly, we took out the luggage and put everything back in its place. As we lay down on the bed to rest, it was already past midnight. After a whole day of fun and the tension of the past few days, I felt very tired. Due to exhaustion, I declined Katniss's invitation for intimacy that night.
I slept until morning, and it had been a long time since I had slept so comfortably. Katniss had already prepared breakfast early, and Nathan was up too. It was clear that Nathan's spirits had improved somewhat, but there was a hint of melancholy in his eyes, as if he had something on his mind. Logically, without the pregnancy, Nathan should have been happy too, as this matter concerned all three of us. However, Nathan's behavior seemed strange. Perhaps something had happened while he was alone at home waiting for the results yesterday afternoon.
At the office, during a spare moment in the afternoon, out of concern for Nathan, I decided to check the surveillance footage from yesterday at home.
I opened the video from yesterday afternoon, which froze at the moment when Katniss and I left home with our luggage. In the video, after Nathan saw us off, he sat blankly on the sofa, lost in thought, as if he had lost his soul. Occasionally, he would gently touch the corners of his eyes with his hand. His face showed a mix of pain, regret, remorse, and self-blame, almost all negative emotions appeared on his face. I fast-forwarded the video, and after sitting on the sofa for nearly an hour, Nathan dragged his tired body to his bedroom. Once in the bedroom, he took out a wooden box from under the bed, which we had brought from the countryside when we moved, and I had asked him to throw it away at the time. It was big, heavy, and took up space, but Nathan had always been reluctant to get rid of it.
Nathan opened the wooden box and took out a photo frame from inside. It was a black and white photo of his parents, framed in an old frame. Nathan stared dumbly at the photo in the frame, and tears started to flow uncontrollably. He slowly placed the photo frame on the bedside table and then knelt in front of it. Yes, Nathan knelt down, kneeling to his deceased wife, closing his eyes and shedding tears, as if in repentance. After closing his eyes for a while, Nathan began to slap himself in the face with both hands, the slaps resounding loudly, showing how hard he was hitting himself. I didn't count how many times Nathan hit himself, but watching him kneel and hurt himself in the video was hard to bear, and it left me feeling conflicted.
After who knows how many times he hit himself, Nathan's cheeks were red and slightly swollen. By this point, he seemed numb, as if he had lost his soul, and he stood up like a puppet, then walked towards the kitchen. What was Nathan going to do in the kitchen? Slowly, he walked to the kitchen, then picked up a knife from the rack. If I couldn't see Nathan now, I would have thought he was going to commit suicide. But instead of using the knife, Nathan hesitated and eventually put it down, taking out a hammer from a drawer under the kitchen cabinet.
Nathan must have realized that if he used the knife to cut off his penis, he would end up in the hospital. How would he explain it to me later? How would he explain the reason for such an act to his son? Moreover, cutting off his penis with a knife posed a great risk to his life if not treated promptly. After weighing the pros and cons, Nathan abandoned the knife and chose the hammer.
Nathan placed his penis on a stool and aimed the hammer at it. With one blow, even if he didn't crush it, he would damage the erectile tissue, making it impossible for him to have an erection again. Nathan gritted his teeth, determined to do it, and sweat beaded on his forehead. At that moment, I was extremely nervous, and no matter what, I didn't want Nathan to harm himself.
Nathan hesitated, picking up and putting down the hammer several times. Watching the video, I knew that if Nathan struck with the hammer, it would all be over. He wouldn't think about that aspect anymore, wouldn't succumb to Katniss's temptations, and wouldn't be controlled by desire. But in the end, Nathan couldn't overcome his inner cowardice and fear. He gave up. He put the hammer back in its place and lay down on the bed, holding the photo, and didn't get up again.
Nathan continued to lie there until evening, lost in his thoughts. It was at that moment when I called him, informing him that we wouldn't be coming home for dinner and updating him on Katniss's test results. Upon hearing the news that Katniss wasn't pregnant, Nathan seemed surprised. After hanging up the phone in a daze, he held onto his phone, his face showing a mix of relaxation, a bitter smile, and a hint of disappointment. Overall, there wasn't much joy evident on Nathan's face.
Upon hearing that Katniss and I wouldn't be coming home for dinner, Nathan didn't come out of the bedroom to cook. Instead, he lay back down on the bed. Sometimes he sat up with his knees hugged to his chest, sometimes he sat by the window looking outside, and sometimes he lay with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Nathan's eyes were filled with thoughts and worries, and only he knew what was going through his mind. He stayed awake until Katniss and I returned home late at night. Upon hearing the sound of the door opening, he instinctively turned to glance at the bedroom door before closing his eyes again.
After closing the surveillance video, I was somewhat worried about Nathan getting up, perhaps due to the incident last time, he had developed a psychological shadow.
In the following days, everything seemed to return to normal. Katniss worked as a teaching assistant every day, keeping herself busy. After work, I would wait with Nathan for a while until Katniss returned home, and we would have dinner together. The atmosphere between Katniss and me seemed to have returned to normal, with laughter and conversations as a family. The only one who didn't seem to return to normal was Nathan. He always seemed distracted, lost in his thoughts. Sometimes he would zone out during meals, not responding promptly, and it was unclear what was on his mind. I couldn't help but worry about Nathan's health. Could it be an early sign of dementia? It shouldn't be, as Nathan was not yet 60 years old.
To keep an eye on Nathan's movements and prevent any impulsive actions, I checked the daytime surveillance videos every night to see how he was doing at home. Nathan no longer watched TV or went for walks. He spent his days sitting at home, staring at my mother's photos, looking at the family portrait on the sofa. Sometimes his face showed signs of struggle, as if he was making a difficult decision.
About a week later, Katniss and I returned home from work. Nathan had prepared a sumptuous dinner, all his specialties. I was puzzled, trying to recall if there was anything special about that day, but couldn't think of anything significant.
"Dad, what's the occasion today? You've made so many delicious dishes." I looked at the table full of food, wondering if we could finish it all.
"It's nothing special, I'm just happy today. It's been a while since the three of us had a proper meal together. My health has also completely recovered, and I feel like having a few drinks with you, that's all." Nathan came out of the kitchen with the last dish and placed it on the table.
"Alright, Dad, you want to have a drink too, right? After all, you've been abstaining for so long. Let's make an exception tonight." Sensing something unusual about Nathan that day, I decided to let him break his alcohol abstinence tonight, feeling that he might have something to say.
Katniss also sensed something and when she heard Nathan wanted to drink, she opened her mouth as if to ask or stop him, but in the end, she didn't say anything. Due to Katniss's work schedule, she had hardly any alone time with Nathan during this period, so their interactions had been limited to daily routines. Katniss seemed to be confirming her commitment to focusing on herself during this time. These days, Katniss and I had a very intense night of lovemaking, and she seemed excited, in high spirits, passionately pleasing me in bed, allowing me to experience peak pleasure.
At the dinner table, Nathan and I toasted each other, but Nathan couldn't handle alcohol as well as I could. Katniss also had a small amount of wine, and the three of us enjoyed a harmonious atmosphere, something we hadn't had in a long time. Nathan seemed to have emerged from his complex emotions that night, as he had a lot to say. Although dinner took a long time, the alcohol consumption was minimal. Katniss ultimately didn't stop Nathan from drinking, but she did limit his intake.
"Kevin , Katniss, I've been thinking a lot lately. Since your mother passed away, I've been living alone, cooking for you, taking care of Simon every day, and life has been happy. But now that you two are so busy with work, between work hours and sleep at night, the time you can spend with me is only about 3 or 4 hours. And now that Simon is with Sophia, I don't need to take care of him anymore. I have nothing to do all day, and it's getting really boring." As dinner came to an end, Nathan suddenly changed the topic and brought up these things. What Nathan said was true. Most of the day, Nathan was alone, rarely going out, and mostly staying at home watching TV.
"So, Dad, what are you thinking?" Hearing Nathan talk about these things, I couldn't help but feel a bit strange. My brain didn't react immediately, and I cautiously asked.
"In the past, you wanted to introduce me to a partner because of your mother's relationship and the need to take care of Simon. I never agreed. Now that all the burdens are gone, I think it's time for me to find someone to accompany me in my remaining years." Upon hearing Nathan's words, I had a rough idea of what he was going to say. I couldn't help but grip the wine glass tightly, whether out of excitement or for some other reason.
"If you have someone suitable, introduce me to her, a companion with a good personality. Also, since having a new, somewhat unfamiliar person in the house might disrupt your routines, after finding a partner, I plan to move out with her, preferably to the countryside or a scenic place, to spend my later years in peace." Nathan took a sip of wine and then earnestly said to me and Katniss, his gaze shifting between us. It was clear that his words were directed at the two of us. Nathan's decision caught me off guard, and I pondered over it, not expecting him to make such a decision. And looking at Nathan's expression, it was clear he wasn't joking.
There was a sound of a glass falling, and I turned to the side to see Katniss. Upon hearing Nathan's words, the glass slipped from her hand and fell on the table. Katniss stared at Nathan in shock, and after the spilled drink, she hurriedly went to the kitchen to get a cloth to clean it up. In that moment, I saw the look in Katniss's eyes, and like me, she was also very surprised by Nathan's decision, her eyes filled with a mix of emotions, including confusion. At that moment, I felt that Katniss's shock seemed to be somewhat different from mine.
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