Chapter 264
According to memory, I opened this heart-shaped letter without damaging the stationery. Everything felt so familiar after opening it - Katniss's handwriting, the familiar texture and creases on the stationery. Confirming that Katniss did not betray me last night, my mood improved significantly. I couldn't wait to read the contents of the letter:
"Honey, seeing this letter, does it remind you of many memories from our youth? The last time we wrote letters was before we graduated from college. I remember how sweet it was every time I wrote to you and received your letters. It felt like there was nothing happier than that. And in the blink of an eye, we've both grown older. Despite the changes over the years, we are still together.
Honey, the reason I chose to write to you is twofold. First, to reminisce about our youth. I really miss that time when we were carefree, without worries.
Second, there are some things I really can't say in person. Perhaps writing letters is the best way for me to avoid awkwardness.
Do you know? I have so many things to tell you, but many of them I can't say out loud, so I'll write them to you.
Honey, that night on the phone, I lied to you. Nathan wasn't eating noodles at that time, we were doing something together. I believe you can guess what we were doing. Intimacy between a man and a woman is nothing more than that.
I didn't want to lie to you at that time, but you suddenly asked on the phone, and the call came at such a coincidental time, so I couldn't tell you the truth on the phone. So I lied, after all, how could I say it in that situation at that time? And when the illness struck, I was really out of control with Nathan, and in that frenzy, I felt like I wasn't myself at that time. I felt like I was another strange woman. So, honey, give me some personal space. I still hope that in your heart, I am still the same Katniss as before.
Honey, do you know? Since you found out about what happened between me and Nathan, I have been constantly afraid. Even though you agreed, I am still very afraid. When desire arises, I act recklessly, but after the passion fades, I often regret and fear.
However, your greetings and concern have alleviated many of my worries. Tonight, you are in a bad mood and very tired, but I can't do anything for you. Thinking about my actions, my heart is filled with guilt.
Honey, why don't you find a lover too? That way, it would be fair to you.
I'm not saying this because I've changed my mind, really. Honestly, like you, if I saw you with another woman, I wouldn't feel good either. But this suffering shouldn't be borne by you alone. You bear the pressure of work, the torment in your heart, and it's all so unfair to you.
So, if you really want to, I won't object. This way, you can relax a bit, relieve some work pressure and fatigue.
Honey, I promise you, I will never fall in love with anyone else, including Nathan with whom I have a physical relationship. My heart will always belong to you alone.
To ease my guilt, from now on, if I want to be with Nathan, it must be with your consent, and I will inform you beforehand. If you agree, then I will be with Nathan in that way. If you don't agree, even if I can't bear it, I won't have a sexual relationship with Nathan.
Honey, I can't ask you face to face if you agree to me being with Nathan.
After careful consideration, our couple's toothbrush cups have always been placed with the handles facing the left. If one day you agree, I will turn the handle of one cup to the right, so that the handles of the two cups are in opposite directions. In the morning when you see it, if you agree, keep the handles in opposite directions. If you don't agree, turn the cups back to their original position, with the handles facing left.
Of course, if one day you work late and don't come home, and want to take the initiative, you can also turn the cups to have the handles in opposite directions.
In short, if both cup handles are on the same side, then nothing will happen today. If the handles are in opposite directions, then it will happen today.
This way, we can use the toothbrush cups as a hint, avoiding our embarrassment. This is an unavoidable method, and I will follow your arrangements in the future.
Honey, pay attention to our couple's cups every morning when you wake up.
Honey, I really hope my body can recover soon. When that time comes, I will be dedicated to you again. Although my body is no longer pure, after reading this relatively short letter, I couldn't help but sigh. Although the letter is not long, the content is rich. Firstly, the content of Katniss's letter can be considered as resolving the last bit of doubt in my heart. After we reconciled following that lie, this is the first and only lie between us so far.
Katniss finally told me the truth, which made me feel much relieved.
Katniss's words were somewhat cryptic, as letters cannot reveal all the details. Some things don't need to be explicitly stated, and any adult can understand them, so I understood the hidden meanings in Katniss's words.
Secondly, when Katniss suggested that I find a lover, it was undoubtedly driven by her guilt towards me. Enjoying two men alone, perhaps she thought that doing so could compensate both her and me emotionally.
I also sensed a hint of fear in Katniss from the letter. Given the difference in my future work nature, with a higher position, better treatment, and increased social status, frequent travels, numerous social interactions and gatherings, and encountering more people, the temptations will be greater.
With all these improvements, the temptations will increase, and such a man is likely to succumb to temptations and eventually despise his wife at home.
Considering that Katniss had already done something wrong to me, she was very afraid of losing my care and love in the face of such a situation. So, it's better to speak out these words frankly, to express her concern for me, make me care more about her, and also serve as a reminder for me to handle things properly.
From Katniss's attitude, it's clear that she is actually very unwilling for me to have another woman, even if it's just about physical intimacy and not love. After all, Katniss is a very strong woman. By saying this, she might be taking a step back to block my thoughts and cut off any potential desires I might have.
Feeling these thoughts from Katniss, I couldn't help but feel a bit amused. Indeed, I know that I will face many temptations in the future, but I don't consider myself a promiscuous person. I have no interest in physical intimacy without love as the foundation, and I only appreciate women who are even more outstanding than Katniss, without any improper thoughts.
Although my mind may be a bit twisted, my view on love is still very loyal.
Katniss's sense of fear, although it may have a slight impact on her health, in the long run, fear might actually be a good thing. At least she will be completely obedient to me and always listen to me, allowing me to take the initiative in our relationship.
Lastly, Katniss's suggestion to use our couple's toothbrush cups as a way of covert communication between us to decide whether I agree to her having a sexual relationship with Nathan is not a bad idea. At least it proves that Katniss wants me to control all aspects of her sexual behavior with Nathan. This way, I can feel better psychologically, knowing that I have control over this matter. If I agree, then they can make love; if I don't agree, then they can't. Katniss truly understands my thoughts.
Seeing Katniss propose this idea, my last bit of doubt disappeared. The only remaining doubt is about the details of Katniss and Nathan's intimacy, but those are things that cannot be said out loud. Since I agreed to their relationship, I need to control the details of their intimacy during the act, otherwise, wouldn't it make their encounters tasteless? Losing all interest, it would also lose the effectiveness and essence of treating Katniss. So, I can be lenient during intimacy, but outside of that, I shouldn't go too far and maintain the necessary distance.
However, I couldn't help but smile bitterly. I never expected that the couple's toothbrush cups we used would become a way for me to convey Katniss's decision and information about her affair with someone else. Is this a kind of ironic twist? Well, Katniss couldn't think of any other way, and this secret language that only we understand can indeed avoid a lot of trouble. I can't always work late and not come home to give them opportunities.
After reading this letter, despite feeling very reluctant, I shredded it in the paper shredder. Although Katniss's letter was somewhat cryptic, it would be a serious matter if it were seen by others.
Destroying this meaningful letter ensures safety, reflecting the meticulous attitude I have cultivated in my current work.
Continuing to focus on my work, my mood improved significantly. After having lunch, my work efficiency also increased.
Unconsciously, it was already time to get off work in the evening, but there were still some tasks unfinished. I called Katniss to tell her that I would be home one or two hours late, and she didn't need to wait for me for dinner.
After hanging up the phone, I continued to work diligently. Finally, when I finished, it was already 8 o'clock in the evening, nearly three hours of overtime.
Stretching out a big yawn, I put on my clothes and headed home with a tired body. Although my body was tired, my mood was much better. Now I was hungry, and in these two hours, Katniss surprisingly didn't call me to check on me. I had said one or two hours, but now it had been three hours and she still hadn't called.
If I had read this letter before, I might have thought that Katniss and Nathan were up to something while I was away. But now, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Since Katniss has expressed this attitude, she will abide by it, and she currently doesn't have the courage to break this promise and agreement.
Not calling may be because she's afraid of disturbing my work and overtime.
Driving back home, as I entered the house, I found the living room empty, with both Katniss and Nathan's bedroom lights off, and the whole house dark. Was I back at the wrong time? It wasn't even 9 o'clock yet! Were they in one of the rooms making love? I couldn't help but feel nervous. According to my plan, Katniss should have been in the living room watching TV waiting for me.
But if they were up to something, why was it so quiet? Were they in the midst of passionate lovemaking, stopping instantly and not daring to breathe loudly when they heard me come in? As I was lost in my thoughts, the light in Katniss's room turned on, followed by the sound of unlocking, and Katniss walked out of the bedroom, wearing that familiar nightgown.
"Honey, why didn't you turn on the lights?"
Katniss reached out to turn on the lights in the living room next to me, looking a bit sleepy but with a slightly abnormal expression, as if she couldn't meet my gaze.
The dining table was still set up in the living room, but there was no food on it. Katniss was alone in her room.
The door was locked from the inside, and Katniss came out with sleepy eyes, wearing a look of embarrassment and unease.
At this moment, my brain was having trouble processing everything.
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