Chapter 191
Another blog post is from over three years ago, two different dates of blog posts. What is written in them?
Because the blogs are arranged from bottom to top according to the dates, with the most recent date at the top and the earlier dates below. I have read the top one. I haven't read the second and third posts from the top down. At this moment, my brain hasn't fully reacted yet, so I'll just follow the order from top to bottom because my brain can't switch gears at this point. I mechanically clicked on the second blog, which was from over three years ago, and a brief content appeared before my eyes. Time flies, I've become a mother of two children in the blink of an eye. I recently added a daughter, and now both my daughter and son are here. Over these years, I have been trying to make up for my shortcomings to Kevin. When I was pregnant with this baby, I prayed to God to give me a daughter. Although before the birth of the second child, Kevin said he would love a boy or a girl, from his expression and my understanding of him, I knew he still hoped for a girl for the second child. Now, the second child is finally a girl, fulfilling Kevin's wish, and I feel a bit relieved in my heart.
Looking back over these years, Kevin has been working hard for this family, and I have been watching all along, just feeling physically and emotionally burdened and indebted to him, unable to repay in this lifetime. With the addition of a daughter, Kevin and I have found new motivation, forgetting the past, embracing a better future, without wasting new tears on old sorrows.
Shortly after giving birth, my body couldn't handle it and needed rest, so I won't write much more. Finally, I wish for our daughter Olivia to grow up healthy and happy, and for our family to be happy and harmonious.
This blog post is very short, and it's clear that Katniss wrote it in a joyful mood. Looking at the time of the blog post, with my slow brain, I tried hard to remember, wasn't this date when Olivia was a hundred days old?
It seems that Katniss has recovered, and this blog post was written after a hundred days of Olivia's birth. Although the blog post is short, I'm digesting it carefully.
Wait a minute, Katniss keeps saying that the daughter was given to me, fulfilling my wish. From the words, it seems like Katniss has always believed that Olivia is my daughter, not Nathan's. What's going on here? Does Katniss not know that Olivia is Nathan's child?
Cheating? Coercion? At this moment, these words popped into my puzzled brain. It's no wonder I'm thinking so much. If Katniss didn't know about Olivia being Nathan's child, what happened? The answer might be in the remaining blog post. If I don't find the answers I'm looking for in that post, then I'll have to wait for them to come back and question them in person. I gritted my teeth, clicked on the only remaining unread blog post. The blog post slowly opened, unlike the previous one, this blog post was surprisingly long. Perhaps it's the longest blog post Katniss has written. Suppressing the negative emotions in my heart, I started reading it carefully.
I'm really annoyed, why did God play such a joke on me? I've been estranged from Nathan for so long, thinking everything had passed, but I made this mistake again, actually lost my virginity again. I hate myself, hate God. Just glanced at the beginning of the blog post, my heart suddenly tightened. As expected, I looked at the date of the blog post, it was over four years ago. Calculating Olivia's birth date, plus the date of conception, it wasn't too far from the date of the blog post. I trembled as I scrolled down the blog post.
Things started from Nathan's birthday. Nathan was already married, and I had adjusted for a long time after Nathan's marriage. As time passed, my mindset gradually returned to normal. Seeing Nathan with Jennifer, my heart wasn't as complicated anymore. Time is the best healer. This year was Nathan's first birthday after marriage, but because Jennifer's hometown had a family wedding, Jennifer had to go back to attend, leaving Nathan alone at home. So Kevin and I had to take our son to celebrate Nathan's birthday.
Facing Nathan again, without Jennifer's presence, we glanced at each other, but instantly looked away. Although time had passed, we had shared so many intimate moments that it was impossible to be completely indifferent. Kevin and I cooked while Nathan took Simon to play on the island. It had been a long time since we had such a scene, and I suddenly realized that I actually liked this simple and normal family life.
At the dinner table, Nathan and Kevin toasted each other, watching them happily, I was infected by this harmonious atmosphere and had a few glasses of wine. I also raised a glass to Nathan. When I toasted Nathan, I could read something from his eyes - longing, affection. It seemed that over time, Nathan's feelings for me hadn't diminished at all. His gaze made me feel a bit flustered, and I forgot the blessing I had prepared in advance. Kevin and Simon laughed for a long time, only Nathan understood the reason. He awkwardly covered his mouth and smiled slightly.
Seeing this, my mind recalled the situation. When Katniss toasted Nathan, they needed to make eye contact, and as they clinked glasses, Katniss started stammering and eventually forgot her words. Since Katniss was sitting opposite me, facing Nathan, I didn't see Nathan's expression, but I saw Katniss's panic at that moment.
Of course, I knew what happened at that time. As Katniss forgot her words, Simon laughed, and I laughed along to help cover up the situation. At that time, it had only been a few months since Nathan's wedding, and they hadn't completely moved on from the memories, so some awkwardness was normal.
Gradually, both Kevin and Nathan drank too much, and I had a few glasses of wine. I wasn't good at holding my liquor.
Perhaps Nathan had something on his mind; he seemed to be drowning his sorrows in alcohol at the dinner table, drinking a lot. In the end, Kevin and I couldn't stop him, and Nathan ended up passing out. It took a lot of effort for Kevin and me to get Nathan into bed, and then I went to the kitchen to clean up the dishes. Kevin helped Nathan change clothes in the room.
Although my mind was clear, my limbs were starting to disobey me. I endured the dizziness and finished cleaning the kitchen. When I returned to the bedroom, Kevin and Simon were already asleep. Kevin had also drunk a lot, but his tolerance was much better than Nathan's. Kevin was in a deep sleep, and it took me a long time to wake him up to make room for me to lie down.
During this time, Kevin and I had sex a few times, but honestly, Kevin couldn't satisfy me. So, when my sexual desires weren't met, I had to use a sex toy to take care of it. After lying down, I couldn't fall asleep no matter what. They say alcohol increases libido, and it's true. So, lying down, I felt a strong urge for intimacy in my heart and body, especially wanting to make love.
I turned to look at my sleeping husband, and then for some reason, I turned my head towards Nathan's room, and scenes of intimacy with Nathan began to replay in my mind. Feeling even more aroused, I reached down and found myself wet. I had an impulse to sneak out, go to Nathan's room, and have sex with him. Thinking about this made me feel hot all over, truly burning with desire as described in books.
But in the end, I let out a sigh. My commitment, my debt to Kevin, Kevin's love for me, and the determination I had made all flashed through my mind, dispersing the fantasies. I decided to put these thoughts aside. Regardless of whether Kevin could satisfy me, he is my only husband in the future, and my body and heart will always belong to him alone.
Since I was in the mood, why not make love with Kevin now? People are bolder after drinking, and Simon was sleeping with us. I had the courage to do it, only because I had been drinking. If I hadn't been drinking, I would never dare. Seeing Kevin asleep, I decided to seduce him. Watching him sleep, I chuckled softly while covering his mouth. I dared to do this because Simon had always been a heavy sleeper since he was a child. Even if it thundered, he wouldn't wake up.
As I was about to seduce Kevin, I suddenly felt a bloating sensation in my lower abdomen. It was no wonder, I had drunk so much red wine at the dinner table. I decided to go out and relieve myself first, to avoid losing control later when making love with Kevin. But it was late at night, and I felt a bit scared. It was just a bladder swelling, but I couldn't think of anything else. So, I tried to wake Kevin up to accompany me, but no matter how hard I tried, Kevin was in a deep sleep and couldn't be woken up.
In the end, I had to give up. I felt like I couldn't hold it any longer. I had to bite the bullet and run out. It was urgent, so I only threw on a coat, wearing just a bra and panties underneath. I walked out of the bedroom, opened the door, and rushed outside. As soon as I opened the door, a cold wind blew in, the outside was eerie, with grass and trees swaying in the wind. I quickly ran to the nearest bush and started to urinate. At the same time, I prepared to run and shout in case of any sudden situation, so I could call for help and escape immediately. But thinking about Nathan being unconscious and Kevin asleep, who would come to my rescue if something happened?
Don't blame me for being timid. In the past, I wouldn't have been so afraid, but after that last night with Nathan in the bushes, I was scared. Since then, I had a fear of such environments. I just wanted to finish urinating quickly and return to the room.
As the blog post reached this point, my brain started to work, remembering that after Katniss ran out, Nathan's room door opened in less than three minutes. It was clearly the sound of Nathan's bedroom door opening. Could it be that at that moment, Nathan also needed to relieve himself, and then, in a drunken state, they reenacted the last night of passion on the deserted island? The blog post wasn't finished yet. My brain started to fantasize.
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