Chapter 207
Katniss just bent over for a long time, as if she wanted to stay bent over forever, never straightening up. Although I couldn't see her face, I could tell from her trembling body that she was very scared. As time passed, she had to face it. Slowly, she straightened up, looking at me with extreme fear.
"Honey, you, you didn't, didn't lose your memory?" Katniss's voice was trembling, her face pale, and her hands shaking. I had never seen her so scared and nervous before.
"Island, passion, wedding dress, curtains, affair, cliff." I didn't directly answer Katniss, but said these six words with an extremely cold expression. These six words already represented everything. When I said these words, Katniss's last trace of fantasy and hope shattered.
With a muffled sound, Katniss's body slid off the edge of the bed, her legs kneeling on the floor. She couldn't suppress her inner turmoil any longer, and all her grievances and fears burst out. She started crying, kneeling in front of me and crying.
"Honey, I was wrong, please forgive me. You can hit me, scold me, whatever." Katniss was crying and didn't know what to say or explain. Because all explanations were futile. She had cheated, betrayed her husband, and it was a fact. All explanations were feeble.
I looked at the crying Katniss. Although there were reasons why she and Nathan ended up together, in the end, it was their choice and beyond my control. I had always maintained my bottom line, which was for Katniss not to change her heart, at least not to fall in love with Nathan. Although there were signs before, I had deluded myself, unwilling to believe it, deceiving myself, thinking I was overthinking. It was only when Katniss put on the wedding dress for Nathan that all my hopes were shattered. The despair in my heart turned into anger, and everything changed completely.
Do I not have the courage to take responsibility? The current outcome should be my own fault, at least self-inflicted. But the situation now was completely different from what I had imagined initially, beyond my expectations. If I was mocked, so be it. Using this incident to prove that the love between Katniss and me was not as strong as I had believed before.
"I had hoped that tonight you would confess to me voluntarily, admit your mistakes. But Katniss, I am truly disappointed. Even at the last moment, you were still trying to hide the truth. Did you really take me for a fool? How long were you planning to deceive me?" I didn't hit or scold Katniss, but at least everything should be clarified.
"I was scared, I was afraid that you would leave me once you found out. Honey, I love you, I don't want to lose you, that's why I tried to hide it." Katniss cried and knelt on the ground, speaking. Since we met, this was the first time she had been so humble and desolate. From her perspective, everything she said and did seemed understandable, but none of it was a reason for me to forgive her.
"Love me?" Although I was extremely angry, I didn't shout, but tried to speak calmly. At this moment, I could only smile bitterly, coldly.
"Really, honey, I really love you. I'm telling you, I'm not hiding anything from you now. I'll tell you everything." Katniss seemed very helpless at this moment, with no more pretense, only trying to make up for her mistakes.
"If you love me, if you love me, why did you put on a wedding dress for Nathan?" I knew the reasons behind Katniss and Nathan's intimacy. I wouldn't blame her for being intimate with Nathan, but the scene with the wedding dress was something I couldn't accept.
"No, no, honey, you don't understand. I just did it to repay Nathan's kindness, I just felt sorry for him, really, I didn't fall in love with him." Katniss was extremely flustered at this moment, not knowing how to explain to make me believe, speaking incoherently.
"So many things happened, I saw so much with my own eyes. Do you think I still believe you don't love Nathan? The meaning of the wedding dress has changed because of my physical condition. I couldn't satisfy you, so you turned to Nathan to fulfill your desires. I endured it, my body couldn't keep up, but I always hoped you would keep your heart with me. I never expected that I would end up losing both my wife's body and heart." Although I blamed Katniss, I also expressed my inner feelings, that I had been tolerating their relationship, but the bottom line was that Katniss couldn't fall in love with Nathan, couldn't change her heart. I also made my attitude clear.
"No, honey, you're not wrong, it's all my fault. Your health wasn't good, and I shouldn't have cheated. I was just greedy for desire, living in fantasies, deceiving myself to enjoy my desires. I'm not a good wife, but truly, honey, I love you the most. If I had to choose between you and him, I would choose you. When I put on the wedding dress, I didn't think much, I just wanted to give Nathan closure. I hesitated beforehand, but I didn't know you would... Honey, please believe me." Katniss knelt on the floor, crying, hands crossed in front of her chest, confessing.
"I only believe what I see. All explanations are feeble." I didn't tell Katniss what I had already known, and she didn't ask me. Further explanations were meaningless. Katniss had thought about it, and I had already considered it. Perhaps there was some truth in her words, but did it still matter? I already had a knot in my heart and grievances. Could we still live happily together?
"Honey." When Katniss saw me get up and walk past her kneeling figure, she cried out. Her hands, which had been clasped in front of her, suddenly grabbed my pants leg tightly. Perhaps realizing that I hadn't lost my memory, Katniss was especially worried about my every move.
"I'm going to rest, don't disturb me." At this moment, I didn't want to continue the conversation. There would be no result, and it was already late. I couldn't do anything more, so I decided to rest on the couch. When I said this to Katniss, I had lost all my passion and motivation, my voice feeble and pale.
After hearing my voice, Katniss slowly released my legs. I walked out of the bedroom, closed the door, and all I could hear was Katniss crying loudly in the room, full of despair. I went to the couch, lay down fully clothed, and for both Katniss and me, it was a sleepless night. I planned for the next day, thinking about what needed to be done. My worries were gone, and it was time to leave.
I was half asleep, not fully asleep, but in a daze. I felt a blanket being placed over me, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Katniss. She looked exhausted, with swollen red eyes, appearing extremely haggard. Seeing me wake up suddenly, she quickly avoided my gaze, covered me with the blanket, and then withdrew her hand, looking very afraid.
"I, I just, didn't want you to catch a cold." After saying this, Katniss slowly walked back to the bedroom. Her once beautiful figure now seemed very desolate.
It was already late at night, and if Katniss hadn't covered me with a blanket, I would have been cold. I longed for dawn but also feared it. I wanted to leave this home, but leaving would not be easy, as this home held so many beautiful memories. My eyes scanned the house, every photo and object in the room, all chosen and bought by Katniss and me together. We had put a lot of effort into decorating our home, and every corner was a testament to our love. But all of this was slipping away from me. Thinking about the future, for some reason, I felt like crying, wanting to cry out loud. If I hadn't made certain decisions back then, if everything had remained as it was, would Katniss and I still be happy? Unfortunately, time couldn't be turned back.
Slowly, morning arrived. I looked at the sunrise outside the window, but my heart didn't feel as bright as the weather outside. Katniss hadn't come out of the room, and honestly, after I left the house, I didn't worry about anything except for the possibility of Katniss doing something extreme. Although I didn't want to be with her, I didn't want anything bad to happen to her.
I sat up from the couch, walked to the bathroom, and started getting ready. When I finished and walked out of the bathroom, I saw Katniss had come out of the bedroom. She looked very haggard, with disheveled hair, a pale face, and no color in her cheeks. The once beautiful her now looked like a patient on the brink of death.
"What do you want for breakfast? I'll go buy it." Katniss stood by the bathroom door, waiting blankly. When she saw me come out, she asked with her head down, her fingers intertwined, looking very nervous. Seeing Katniss like this was painful, as I had never seen her in such a state before. My worry for her only deepened.
"I don't want anything to eat. I don't want anything." I walked past Katniss, went to the coat rack, and started putting on my coat. Katniss stood still by the bathroom door, looking very helpless, not knowing what to do. Seeing me getting dressed, she seemed very afraid.
"Honey, where are you going?" Katniss stubbornly called me honey, never changing the way she addressed me, even in our current situation. She seemed very nervous, fearing that I would leave like this, showing signs of anxiety.
"I have some things to take care of." I said as I put on my pants, my head down. Although I was looking down, I could see Katniss's body tremble. She seemed to sense something and was very afraid. Her mind was filled with worries and suspicions, appearing very doubtful.
"Can I come with you?" Katniss's voice trembled as she asked. I looked up at her, seeing the worry and longing in her eyes.
"No, I don't need you to come. There will be an explanation between us." I refused Katniss's request, indicating my attitude indirectly without stating it directly.
After putting on my clothes, I walked towards the door. I had things to take care of, and the sooner, the better.
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