Chapter 195
Another month passed.
After Nathan's funeral, I brought Katniss, Simon, Olivia, and my mother, Jennifer, to Joyful City as agreed with George, but the plan was delayed for more than five years. During these five years, we had been planning to visit Joyful City, but the first year I was dealing with emotional issues and didn't feel like going. Then, because of having a child and Olivia's birth, we kept postponing. Now we finally had the opportunity. It was just to comfort Jennifer a bit and help our family move on from the sadness and relax together.
However, Nathan was missing from the originally planned group. After meeting George, he also felt regretful. When Nathan passed away, George flew in from Joyful City specifically for the funeral. Professionally, he is the regional manager of Zephyr Energy Solutions Company and needed to handle work-related matters after Nathan's death, including his salary. On a personal level, he wanted to attend the funeral of his good friend Nathan Smith. He didn't have to come, but I am grateful for his emotions. Before he left, he sincerely invited me to Joyful City to relax, which led to this trip.
On the way, I focused on accompanying Jennifer, while Katniss took care of Simon and Olivia, especially because Olivia is still young. Jennifer had not been able to move on from the grief since Nathan's passing. She couldn't eat or sleep well, and her once vibrant self had become thin and listless. This was her first time in Joyful City, and I hoped it would help her forget her sorrows, even if just for a while.
This time, we visited Edencrest Heritage Gardens, where we saw many historical sites and exhibits. The once magnificent royal gardens now served as a place for modern visitors to explore. No matter how grand and glorious they were in the past, the emperors who once ruled there had turned to dust, leaving behind memories and historical topics for children to learn.
Just like my father, who, along with Katniss, had given me many unforgettable memories of pain and excitement. But now? He had long disappeared from this world, reduced to a small pile of ashes that had returned to nature, leaving me only with memories. Initially, I had some resentment towards Nathan, but after seeing his suffering in the late stages of his illness, all I felt was pity and heartache. After his death, I only felt regret and sorrow for Nathan. Although I wasn't the main cause, I was the catalyst for the whole situation.
With my mother's passing and now Nathan's, I was deeply affected. Now, standing in Edencrest Heritage Gardens, a place full of historical significance, I realized how fragile and precious life is. In the past, I had been careless and irresponsible towards my own health and body. I would care for others but neglect myself, not dressing warmly when it was cold, not carrying an umbrella when it rained, skipping breakfast, avoiding the doctor when sick, and forgetting to take medication on time. They would say, "Take care of yourself. Stop worrying us." I would just smile faintly and say, "I'm fine."
I always thought I was young, full of vigor, and healthy, believing I could handle anything that came my way. When I introduced Nathan and Katniss, it was with that same courage. But now, I had paid an unbearable price and had to bear it. As time hurried by, experiencing life's glory and hardships, joys and sorrows, and noticing a few silver strands in my dark brown hair in the mirror, I suddenly realized I was no longer young. The cycle of life, the signs of aging, all indicated that I was slowly growing old.
If my fate was destined to wither away and all the excitement was meant to be short-lived, then I wished for it to end as soon as possible. I didn't want to live in such pain. Let me quietly await the beginning of a new life in this agony. Youth is wonderful, youth always wins! Unfortunately, I was no longer young. Despite any lingering regrets, I couldn't resist the passage of time, the signs of life, and the cycle of fate. Everything could only be changed by time. Faced with life, all I could do was sigh and say, "It's good to be alive."
"Honey, what are you thinking about so seriously?" Just as I was reminiscing and marveling at the fragility and beauty of life, a mature voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned to see Katniss standing beside me, holding a child's hand, smiling at me. During this time, Katniss had also lost weight. Given the current situation with Nathan, she couldn't avoid the connection. She knew that despite her silent tears, endless regrets, and guilt, she had to face me with a smile, showing care and concern, trying hard to help me move on from the sadness. I knew that her sorrow was no less than mine.
Thinking back to the night she discovered that the man beneath her wasn't me but Nathan, and how she resisted the temptation and left him midway, showed her determination to sever ties with Nathan. That night, she didn't falter, and that gave me peace of mind. Little did I know fate would sever things so completely, taking Nathan's life. God, are you helping me?
"Nothing much, just a lot of reflections and insights."
It's time for dinner, and we found a fast-food restaurant to eat. Jennifer, in order to take care of the two children, who are willing to eat pizza and hamburgers. At the table, the three adults took a few bites and stopped eating. In the month after Nathan's death, everyone's appetite had decreased. Only the two children were eating heartily, especially Olivia, who was still young and didn't fully understand the meaning of death. We just told her that her grandfather had gone on a long trip and wouldn't be back for a long time. Nathan had been very good to Olivia before, as in our family, the youngest often received the most love.
Olivia had gained a lot of weight now and was happily eating. After finishing a big hamburger, she sat in her chair, holding a cup and drinking juice through a straw with her cheeks puffed up. Katniss and Jennifer were taking care of Olivia, especially since she was just over four years old. Looking at Katniss and Jennifer, neither of them knew Olivia's true identity, and they would never have imagined that this child was Nathan's daughter. Originally, Nathan and my mother only had me as their only son, but now they had another daughter.
Seeing Olivia carefree and adorable, eating and drinking happily, my heart was filled with mixed emotions and a deep sense of reluctance. All the mistakes were ours as adults. Olivia was just a child, and if I had revealed the truth at that time, the biggest victim wouldn't have been me, but Olivia, a four-year-old child. Even with the severity of the mistake, the child was innocent. If I had come clean and revealed Olivia's true identity, the family might have fallen apart, but it could have been restructured, and life could have continued. But what about Olivia? She would have become a product of incest, and how would others view her in the future? She would face criticism, judgment, and gossip behind her back. It could be said that Olivia's life would have been completely ruined.
Now, with Nathan and my mother gone, I had lost my parents, and the only close relatives I had left were Olivia and Simon. Jennifer, Katniss, Michael, and Sophia were very close to me, but they had no blood relation. Although Olivia wasn't my daughter, she was indeed my sister, my blood relative. I thought I would feel distant from Olivia once I knew her true identity, but every time I saw her chubby, cute, and innocent self, I couldn't help but feel a deep affection for her. She was so innocent, and I couldn't bear to hurt her. It was because of Olivia, along with Nathan's departure, that I temporarily abandoned the idea of revealing everything.
Now that Nathan was gone, everything had dissipated, and there was no point in pursuing what could never happen again. In the end, it would only lead to separation and loss.
After we all finished eating, only Olivia was left, eating happily. We couldn't bear to stop her, as she ate even more than the adults. Watching Olivia, I remembered the journey from matchmaking Nathan and Katniss, their first touch, first leg crossing, first oral sex, first intercourse, first kiss, first exploration of various positions, first phone sex, the first time I heard them making love, the first time I saw them making love, the first time I saw them having outdoor sex, the first time I saw them making love in wedding attire, until now, unexpectedly conceiving Olivia. I realized that the Cupid role I had set for myself was indeed fitting. Although Nathan was no longer there, before his death, Nathan and Katniss had experienced almost everything a husband and wife should, except for a legal marriage certificate. In the end, I was truly the Cupid, but I also paid a price. As you sow, so shall you reap. This time, I finally believed it. Jesus had so many followers, and it seemed to make sense.
After the trip, we returned home and resumed our busy work routines. Katniss also started working. Due to Nathan's death, I brought Jennifer to my home. From now on, Jennifer helped me take care of the children, do laundry, cook, and would continue to do so until she grew old. Life gradually returned to normal, filled with laughter and joy every day, helping me slowly forget the past memories, although not completely, they began to fade.
One afternoon, when I didn't have to work, I took out something from my briefcase that had been kept in the company safe for a long time - a paternity test report. I had never made it public or destroyed it. The report on Olivia and Nathan was visibly worn and yellowed, not because I intentionally damaged it, but because I had opened and closed it countless times at the office. I looked at the results on the report once again, then turned to look at the sunset outside. Jennifer had gone to pick up Olivia from kindergarten, and I watched her from the apartment door, holding Olivia's hand and carrying the ingredients for dinner.
Taking my gaze away from the window, I took out a lighter and set fire to the paternity test reports. All the secrets began to disappear slowly as the reports burned, turning into ashes that fell into the fireproof trash can. When all the reports were burnt to ashes, my heart suddenly felt much lighter. It was as if I had released all the pressure, and I slumped into the computer chair, feeling a long-lost sense of relaxation.
"Daddy, how dare you play with fire! Teacher said it's wrong. I'm going to tell Mom to spank you." Hearing this adorable voice, I instantly got up from the chair and turned to see Olivia standing at the door, holding her nose with one hand, the other hand on her hip, her little face pouting. Oh no, I forgot to open the windows for ventilation, and there was a strong smell of burnt paper in the room. Seeing Olivia's pouting expression, I couldn't help but smile wryly.
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