Chapter 49 Calm
After reading this inner monologue of Katniss, my heart is filled with mixed emotions. Honestly, after seeing the interactions between Katniss and Nathan these days, I also understand that kind of sting. I realize now that I was wrong in my initial thoughts. I thought I would be calm and excited after Katniss and Nathan got together. But after observing and understanding for some time, I found that my feeling of pain outweighs the physical excitement. Now looking back carefully, the source of the pain is the fear that Katniss might change her mind, lose her love for me, and instead fall in love with Nathan, leaving me behind. I also love Katniss very much. If one day I lose Katniss, I really can't imagine what I would become.
Through this diary of Katniss, I can finally feel at ease. At least from the last sentence of Katniss's diary, I know that my position in Katniss's heart is higher than her own life. With such a loving wife, what else do I need to be dissatisfied with? I can also relax now. Thinking through all this, the pain that has been building up in my heart for some time slowly fades away, turning into excitement.
After watching the video and reading the diary, I want to go to sleep, but after a series of excitement tonight, I find that I am not sleepy at all. I decide to continue watching the video, fast-forwarding to the time when Katniss wakes up in the morning. Perhaps due to the special passion of last night, Katniss and Nathan did not sleep well all night and both got up early. While I was still sound asleep in bed, Katniss got up to prepare breakfast after washing up, and Nathan, with a mix of awkwardness and unease, walked out of the bedroom to the living room, pretending to watch TV but occasionally looking at Katniss hesitantly. The two of them seemed to have returned to the way they were before, as if after the first intimate contact, their eyes met and quickly looked away, appearing flustered and unnatural. During this time when they could have been joking and laughing, they seemed very quiet.
This quietness continued until after I got up. Now looking back, before I got up, the two of them had not exchanged any words at all, which is why their expressions in the morning seemed so flustered and unnatural. It wasn't until I left, during the day, that the silence was finally broken due to Nathan's urgent need to use the bathroom. The two of them started to talk little by little, but both were very tacit, completely avoiding the events of last night, as if everything that happened last night was just a dream.
Although the two of them talked more and more, breaking the awkward atmosphere completely, and they returned to normal, throughout it all, the worry between Katniss's eyebrows never faded, indicating that the guilt from last night was still weighing on her heart.
After reading all this, I closed the computer and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. The current situation seems to have reached a stalemate, no matter how uncontrollable the two of them feel, they are still constrained by the boundary of physical contact, with no breakthrough in other aspects. And because of my presence, Katniss's feelings towards Nathan have always been conflicted and tangled, which although makes me feel touched and relieved, for Katniss and Nathan, it is more of a pain and torment. If this continues, it will be even more painful for our family, completely contrary to my original goal. That night, I couldn't sleep.
In the days that followed, it seemed to return to calmness. During this time, perhaps due to the oral sex that Katniss had that night, out of guilt and realization towards me, she had been avoiding Nathan indirectly, except for the necessary care for Nathan, the two of them had almost no intimate contact. Nathan might have sensed something, living quietly and calmly, occasionally showing the same worry and longing on his face as Katniss. Since Katniss has always been the one taking the initiative and Nathan's hands were injured, Nathan could only endure and not actively ask for anything. At this moment, I am even more moved by Katniss, as she has truly endured the desire to be with Nathan because of me.
In the blink of an eye, a month and a half passed. During this time, Katniss had been indirectly avoiding Nathan, and although Nathan was disappointed, he didn't dare to say anything, but the relationship between the two of them seemed unchanged, saying what needed to be said and doing what needed to be done. However, the worry and distance between them continued to linger.
Thanks to Katniss's excellent care, Nathan's injuries recovered quickly. With the additional month and a half, two months had passed, and Nathan could finally remove the plaster and splint. Nathan's bone fracture healed well, his hands could move freely, just not for heavy work, and he still needed to take medication for the final care. With the removal of the plaster from Nathan's hands, he could now eat and use the bathroom independently. Katniss also finished her two-month break and returned to work at the office.
During this month and a half, there had been no changes between Katniss and Nathan, almost driving me crazy. Not only was there no significant progress, but they seemed to have returned to the way they were before. Apart from some ambiguous language, there was almost no physical contact. However, during this month and a half, Katniss occasionally masturbated in her room, while Nathan, due to his injured hands, could only silently endure a month of abstinence. After all, Nathan felt Katniss's abnormality, and in Katniss's eyes, Nathan was someone who respected her opinions.
As Katniss worked as a fashion designer, even with two months off at home, her work was not affected. She usually designed the required drawings on her home computer and then sent them back to the company. So even though Katniss took a two-month break for Nathan, her work was not greatly impacted.
It seemed like things had returned to how they were before at home. During this time, I did not touch Katniss. It seemed like Katniss wanted to transfer her desires from Nathan to me during this time. She took the initiative to give me oral sex and make love to me, but due to my physical condition and size issues, I couldn't satisfy her. The first time she gave me oral sex while I was awake, I pretended to ask her the reason, and she just said she wanted my illness to get better sooner, to give me some stimulation. Hearing this kind lie from her, I just smiled.
But after this month and a half of perseverance, the accumulated desire finally broke through. I also understand Katniss very well. Since she had oral sex with Nathan, she had cut off contact with him, and it had been a month and a half since then. Although she sought comfort from me, the satisfaction I gave her in terms of sexual desire was not as fulfilling as when she masturbated herself, as I could see from her expression. So I was sure she wouldn't hold out for too long, but a month and a half was far beyond my expectations.
Coincidentally, it was time for our company's quarterly inventory, which was to be conducted after the mall closed at 9 p.m., with the inventory divided into A and B sections. After finishing the A section, we would move on to the B section, and then cross-check both sections for any discrepancies. For items that differed between the two sections, we needed to do a random check. This meant we would need to spend the whole night doing the inventory. By 5:30 p.m., after returning home and quickly eating a few bites, I hurried back to the company to prepare for the inventory. During my meal, I noticed a hint of long-lost desire and joy in Katniss's eyes, as if she was waiting for an opportunity for a long time, and finally that opportunity was about to come.
Could something happen at home tonight while I'm rarely away? After all, Katniss and Nathan had been holding back for a month and a half, and they were almost at their limit. Katniss could control herself for a while, but she couldn't control herself forever. But looking back on this month and a half, Katniss had been so restrained, maybe I was overthinking it, and tonight should still be quiet, although I believed the probability of Katniss and Nathan getting intimate while I was away was quite low.
With this in mind, I was conducting the quarterly inventory at the company, but my heart was always anticipating and imagining what might be happening at home. The inventory started at nine o'clock and by midnight, we hadn't finished the first wave of the A section. I kept imagining what might be happening at home, and because of this, I made several mistakes in the inventory. Finally, at half past midnight, I couldn't resist my curiosity that had been tormenting me for a month and a half. I called Katniss's phone number, as usual, Katniss's phone was never turned off 24 hours a day, no matter how late I called, she would always answer in a daze. But this time, I called twice, and Katniss's phone was never answered.
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
