Chapter 138 Ruthless
At this moment, I was just impulsive and forgot that I was in the public area of the company, not in my own private office. I couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed when a few colleagues who usually get along well with me followed me into my office, concerned and asking me what was wrong. I just made up some excuses to brush it off. My colleagues knew I was arguing with Katniss, but there was nothing they could do about my personal issues.
After hanging up on Katniss, my phone rang again after about ten minutes, and I saw that it was still Katniss calling. I was still angry at that moment, so I didn't answer the call and let the phone ring until it hung up automatically.
But after the call ended, Katniss continued to call, she seemed to be persistent. I was recommending books on my computer, not sure what was going on with me today, my attitude was particularly tough. No matter how many times Katniss called, I just refused to answer. The ringing of the phone was starting to annoy me more and more. After Katniss called about ten times, my patience finally reached its limit, and I turned off my phone.
As a senior executive in the company, I usually can't turn off my phone. In order to facilitate company communication, I called in my assistant, Alex Patel, and told them to forward any calls from the front desk to the landline in my office. With the phone off, the office finally became quiet. I calmed down at this moment, resting my head in my hands, trying to relax my tense nerves.
My mind was in chaos at this moment. You see, Katniss and I have known each other for so long, we have never really had a big fight before. We always respected each other, but today was the first time I yelled at her and scolded her.
Why did I suddenly lose control? Maybe it's because I feel so unbalanced inside. I hate Katniss for choosing to have sex with Nathan while I was at home, leaving me alone in the bedroom. If before, Katniss and Nathan were having an affair and enjoying their intimacy, then what happened last night, with me at home, was a blatant betrayal. I can't believe she can separate sex from emotions.
Everything I heard last night broke my heart. I was also angry. Why was Nathan willing to have a relationship with Katniss while I was at home? Did he have the same thoughts with my son in the next room? I hate both of them, I feel like they both betrayed me. At this moment, maybe my emotions have taken over my mind. My thoughts are not the most rational right now, my current mindset is a bit extreme, and I can't seem to listen to reason.
I couldn't focus on work anymore. Since I'm a senior executive, my office computer has internet access. I couldn't help but start browsing posts online. Somehow, I ended up on a mental health Q&A website. My situation is unique, I can't talk to anyone I know about it, like Katniss, so I can only vent online, it's the only way I can express myself now.
Taking advantage of the fact that no one was disturbing me at the office, I briefly wrote about my experience in a concise post and posted it on the Q&A website. I didn't expect that within a few minutes of posting, a mental health professional replied to me, and we started chatting back and forth.
Since I couldn't fully open up online, there were some private things I didn't disclose. The mental health professional online said I had a cuckold mentality, but it wasn't too severe at the moment. They also told me I had mild self-harming tendencies, possibly related to my childhood experiences, growing up in a very challenging environment, as well as the current pressures from work and family.
As I carefully reflected on what the mental health professional said, there was some truth to it. I do have a cuckold mentality, I admit that. Watching Katniss and Nathan have sex used to excite me, that's a classic cuckold mentality.
I also have self-harming tendencies, which can be seen in some of my daily habits. For example, I rarely use a razor to shave, there's always a mirror and a pair of tweezers under the coffee table in my living room. Sometimes, when I'm idle at home, I would watch TV and pluck my facial hair with the tweezers. Plucking one's hair is painful, but I don't mind the pain, in fact, I get addicted to plucking my facial hair, it's hard for me to relax at home without doing it. Because of this, Katniss and Nathan have complained to me, saying that constantly plucking my facial hair could cause folliculitis. Sometimes, I would even pluck my leg hair with my hands. When I'm stressed and frustrated, only pain can make me feel a bit comfortable.
I asked about the reasons behind these psychological issues, and they were related to my difficult experiences. I have been dealing with the blow of losing my mother early on, Nathan accumulated debts for my education and my mother's medical expenses, and after graduating from college, we lived frugally to pay off the debts together. I have always carried a huge mental burden, but I never realized how the stress and experiences of my growth have affected my personality and psyche. According to the doctor, my current behavior is abnormal due to excessive stress, both from work and the psychological pressure caused by Katniss and Nathan's intimacy. He advised me to seek treatment and make adjustments quickly, otherwise, I might lose control of my emotions, leading to possible depression.
I chatted with the doctor for over an hour. Have I really lost control of my emotions? Do I really have a mental illness? I can't imagine this is real. After a brief conversation with the doctor, I rested my head on the table to calm my mind. At this moment, it was almost noon, and there was a knock on my office door. With my permission, my assistant, Amelia, came in.
"Sir, Mrs. Montagu is here and waiting to see you outside," Amelia came in and saw that my mood was not great, she bent down beside me and whispered in my ear. Amelia is the new assistant assigned to me by the company, also my secretary, a spirited young girl who just graduated from college. She was originally supposed to work in the same office as me, but to avoid any rumors or gossip, I arranged for her to work outside the office, setting up a desk at the entrance like a guard dog.
Although it wasn't ideal to leave the young girl outside the office, for the sake of both my and her reputation, I had to be cautious. I care too much about my reputation, especially in today's society where gossip spreads quickly.
"Mrs. Montagu, which Mrs. Montagu?" My mind was still in a whirl, and I hadn't processed it yet.
"It's your wife, Mrs. Montagu. She's here at the office, right outside." Amelia carefully informed me, observing my reaction. After the argument with Katniss on the phone, the news must have spread in the company. Good news doesn't travel far, but bad news does, and gossip spreads quickly among people.
"Tell her I'm busy right now, come up with an excuse to stall her, I don't want to see anyone at the moment." I hesitated for a moment, I didn't expect Katniss to come to the office directly after I turned off my phone. But I really didn't want to see her now, I was even thinking about going out with friends for a drink tonight to relax.
"Are you sure about this? Sir, it's not very nice. Maybe you should see her after all." Amelia, being a woman, naturally considered things from a woman's perspective and tried to persuade me cautiously, not giving up.
"If I say I don't want to see her, then I don't. Help me keep her away, that's your job." I was getting annoyed at this point, after giving her instructions, I continued to rest my head on the table.
Since I took on the attitude of a superior, I also told her it was work, and there was nothing more to say. I sighed lightly and left. My heart was also aching at this moment. Was it really good to treat Katniss like this? Was Katniss angry or sad right now? Coming to my office, did she want to argue with me or apologize? Katniss has always been a strong woman, she never backs down on matters of principle. Today, she must have come to question me about our argument on the phone, it was the first time I had scolded her like that. I couldn't predict Katniss's reaction, that's why I didn't want to see her. If we started arguing in the office, it would be too embarrassing, and I wouldn't be able to hold my head up high in the company in the future.
After about fifteen minutes, there was another knock on the door, and Amelia came in again, holding a cup of coffee. "Sir, Mrs. Montagu has been waiting outside for you. She said she'll wait until you're done." Katniss placed the coffee on the table and cautiously informed me, doing her job as an assistant and secretary.
"Okay." I simply responded. I didn't expect Katniss to keep waiting outside. Wasn't she supposed to be at work today?
"Boss, I may be overstepping, but I can't bear to see Mrs. Montagu so sad. Even though she's wearing sunglasses, I can tell her eyes are swollen, her makeup is smudged. As a woman, I can see it, she must have been crying for a long time. Although I'm not married, I know that communication is important between spouses." Amelia continued to persuade me, her words really struck a chord with me. Katniss cried, that was unexpected. It was just an argument on the phone, it shouldn't have made the usually strong Katniss cry.
"It's almost lunchtime, just leave when it's time to go. You don't have to say goodbye to me, let her in." It wasn't appropriate for Katniss to keep waiting outside, it would be embarrassing for the company. I decided to talk to her.
Amelia left, and I didn't know how to face Katniss at this moment. How should I approach her? I pretended to continue working on the computer, focusing all my attention on the screen.
The door opened, and I saw a familiar figure walk into the office out of the corner of my eye, then I left and closed the door, leaving the space for just the two of us. The people in the company must have seen Katniss come in, they knew we had something to discuss, so no one would disturb us in the short term.
After entering the office, Katniss took off her sunglasses, her eyes were swollen from crying, and she had removed her eye makeup. My heart suddenly ached at this moment. Every time Katniss cried before, I would gently comfort her. Katniss crying was the most heartbreaking thing for me. I hadn't decided on how to face her, so I continued to focus on my work on the computer, ignoring Katniss.
After observing my reaction for a while, Katniss slowly lowered her body, and to my surprise, she knelt down beside me, then slowly turned to face me and knelt down next to me, leaning her upper body on my legs, holding onto my thighs with her hands, burying her face in my lap. She started crying, her hands constantly gripping and releasing my pants. Although I couldn't feel Katniss's emotions, hearing her crying and feeling her hands gripping and releasing, I understood that Katniss was at the breaking point of sadness.
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