Chapter 224
"Stay at home these days." I thought for a long time before saying this. When Nathan heard my words, he was stunned. From his perspective, the fact that I could come to see him today already surprised him greatly. Now, letting him stay at home was like a huge gift in his eyes.
"I'm already grateful that you could come see me today. At least you haven't given up on me as an incompetent father. As for going back home, let's forget about it. I can't face you guys at home." Nathan's eyes were filled with tears and emotion. My actions undoubtedly made him feel even more guilty. But his current state couldn't handle facing me and Katniss all day. After all, Nathan's shamelessness hadn't reached that level yet.
Just as I was about to speak, the food arrived. It was all dishes that Nathan loved, and he even ordered a bottle of whiskey. Personally, I prefer beer, but Nathan likes whiskey. And in this situation today, it was better to drink whiskey, for a more stimulating release. I poured whiskey for myself and Nathan, and when the food arrived, neither of us spoke a word. Nathan sat there nervously, still not able to relax after all this time. When I saw him licking his lips after being poured whiskey, I realized he might have developed a drinking habit during this period, drowning his sorrows in alcohol.
"Come on, cheers. Can you handle it?" The glass I poured for Nathan and myself was almost half full. It would take determination and courage to finish it.
"Thank you." Nathan thanked his son, me, with a 'thank you' that carried so much - gratitude, guilt, regret, and more.
I really couldn't handle the intensity of the whiskey. After forcing myself to finish a glass, I couldn't help but cough uncontrollably. But Nathan didn't react at all. After he finished his glass, he refilled it himself and took the opportunity of my coughing fit to pour me another glass.
"Today, don't hide anything in your heart. Speak your mind if you still want me as your son." As the coughing subsided, the alcohol hit me, and I felt my face getting hot and flushed.
"Okay, okay." When Nathan heard my words, he knew I would ask him many questions today. Perhaps today, my son would finally reveal all his inner thoughts. Of course, Nathan could choose not to speak, but if he didn't, he wouldn't earn my forgiveness. Since we met until now, I hadn't called Nathan 'dad' yet. Without that word, Nathan knew I hadn't completely forgiven him.
"Do you love Jennifer?" Since we were being honest, I decided to get straight to the point without beating around the bush. Nathan was stunned by my first sincere question, and his hand holding the glass tightened suddenly. I continued eating my steak with a knife and fork, determined to understand Nathan's true feelings before making a decision. Among the three of us, I knew my own thoughts, and through Katniss's diary, I could understand part of Katniss's thoughts. The only one I couldn't understand was Nathan. In the past, I could only judge his feelings by observing his expressions and daily behavior.
"I don't love her, but that doesn't mean I can easily lose her. As an old man, I no longer have passion. Having a companion is good enough. My feelings for her are more like family love than romantic love. Jennifer is a good person and the most suitable person to spend the rest of my life with. I just don't deserve her care and companionship, so her leaving me was the right choice. I can't blame anyone but myself." Nathan didn't clink glasses with me. After saying this, he drank half of the whiskey in his glass. I believed what Nathan said. Jennifer was already old, and for a woman like her, whom he hadn't known for long, there wouldn't be romantic feelings. Besides, Nathan had already experienced the sweetness of Katniss, so how could he develop feelings for Jennifer, who was far apart from Katniss in age and appearance?
"What about Katniss? What are your feelings for Katniss?" Since I wanted to address everything, I couldn't use that sensitive term. Katniss was the issue standing between Nathan and me. If I wanted to fully reconcile with Nathan, I had to resolve this issue. When Nathan heard this question, his emotions fluctuated greatly. Perhaps he had been avoiding thinking about Katniss all along. His hands were under the table, probably clenched together to ease his inner tension and awkwardness.
Nathan hesitated, not knowing how to answer.
"I said I want to hear the truth. Speak out your true feelings for Katniss so I can have some certainty in my heart." I stared at Nathan intently, wanting to see his facial expressions to determine if he was lying.
"Katniss is an outstanding woman in every way - personality, figure, appearance. Any normal man would like her. I, I am no exception." Nathan glanced at me before speaking, realizing that he couldn't hide these inner thoughts forever. After all, I had already seen the intimacy and passion between them on the island. If he lied, I would definitely notice. It was better to speak out everything and feel a bit relieved.
"Is it love?" Nathan's answer was ambiguous, but what I needed was a definite answer.
"Yes, Katniss's feelings for me are even stronger than your mother's. Initially, there was nothing, but some things happened. Perhaps Katniss has already told you about them. After those things occurred, I couldn't control my feelings. Although I always reminded myself that she is your wife and I shouldn't have feelings for her, who can completely control their inner thoughts? But Kevin, I never once thought of taking Katniss away from you, truly. After that night on the island, I had planned to peacefully marry Jennifer and spend the rest of my life with her, forgetting everything and taking it all to the grave. I admit I'm an animal who thinks with the lower half of my body, making irreparable mistakes. Actually, before you came, I never thought about seeking your forgiveness. I just wanted to live aimlessly, for however long, as long as you and Katniss could be happy, I could die with no regrets. But I've made too many mistakes, I can't face you, let alone the mother who has already left, your mother." After saying these words, Nathan couldn't control himself anymore, he bowed his head and started crying, expressing helplessness, despair, and regret. At this moment, Nathan was like an addict. When the addiction hit, he would indulge in it to relieve himself, but once the temporary satisfaction passed, he would cry in regret, oscillating between the uncontrollable desire and the regret after satisfaction.
Watching Nathan cry, I also drank half of the glass in my hand. No man can tolerate another man loving his wife, even if that man is his father. If I didn't understand the whole situation, if I hadn't already noticed Nathan's love for Katniss, if I didn't know that all the blame wasn't solely on Nathan, I might have acted like a normal person, rushing to grab Nathan by the collar and questioning and reprimanding him loudly. But I didn't. After drinking half a glass, the fiery sting of alcohol shifted my inner bitterness. Although I had previously deduced Nathan's feelings for Katniss through videos, hearing it directly from Nathan made it different. It was inevitable to feel a bit uncomfortable and bitter at this moment.
"What are your plans for the future?" Knowing Nathan's thoughts on Jennifer and Katniss, I had to inquire about his thoughts on the future.
"Don't worry about me. As long as you, Katniss, and Simon are happy as a family of three, let this sinner fend for himself." Nathan wiped his tears, finished the remaining half glass in his cup, then closed his eyes to savor the stimulating and fiery sensation of the alcohol.
"You can't continue living like this. I still need your help. If you want to alleviate your guilt, use the rest of your life to atone." Seeing Nathan in this state, some of the resentment in my heart dissipated. Regardless of Nathan's mistakes, I couldn't abandon him, as Jennifer rightly pointed out.
"Atonement? Help? What can a person like me, who knows nothing, do for you? If there's something I can do, I'm willing to give my life." Nathan had heard this from me before, so he looked puzzled at this moment, but also with a glimmer of hope. If he could do something for me, perhaps he could feel a bit better inside.
"Stop this job and come home to help me take care of Katniss." I made the request, but since I hadn't made a decision at that moment, I didn't state it definitively. I wanted Nathan to come home first before discussing further.
"Come home? Take care of Katniss?" Nathan's mind clearly hadn't caught up yet. This request and offer of help seemed too simple.
"I've taken on a new job that requires frequent business trips, even overseas. Katniss is still unwell, and her recovery time is uncertain. So, someone needs to take care of her. Michael and Sophia need to look after Simon, and they can't stay at my house all the time. That's why I need you to come back and take care of her. At least if something happens to her, someone will notice, and we won't have a situation like Katniss overdosing again." I was preparing to take over Mia's company, a matter Nathan had heard about in conversations with Michael, although he didn't know much. But he was familiar with Mia because Katniss used to mention her frequently when we were at home.
"Do you really need to go on business trips and overseas?" Nathan didn't agree immediately, and his face showed a hint of embarrassment. I could tell he didn't want to face Katniss and me all the time, the two people he felt guilty towards.
"Our savings at home are running low. I have to earn money to support the family, and this job is a rare opportunity. For the family, for my loved ones, for myself, I can't give up." My eyes showed determination, and I believed Nathan could see that.
"Do you still trust me?" After seeing my expression, Nathan realized there seemed to be no turning back on this matter and couldn't help but ask this question. After all, he had done things behind my back with Katniss, perhaps this was his last excuse to refuse.
"I do. After everything that has happened, I believe you no longer have those thoughts and courage." Regardless, I needed Nathan to come home first. If my plan were to be implemented, I needed Nathan's agreement. Katniss's situation also needed to be addressed. So, without absolute certainty, I couldn't reveal my plan.
"Is there really no other way?" Nathan's face showed clear reluctance. His expression wasn't feigned; he truly didn't want to face that home and those people again.
"If you want to make amends for me, then listen to me. If you can't agree to this request, if you can't help with this favor, then let's end our conversation here today." I glanced at the glass but didn't refill it. If Nathan didn't agree, there was no need to continue the discussion. I couldn't force Nathan to come back.
After hesitating for a long time, Nathan sighed, said nothing, and instead picked up the bottle to refill both our glasses.
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