Chapter 86

Desse POV
First, I really was hurt when he did admitted that he was really getting married to her. I mean, that bitch hole called Sophie.
And I can't stop thinking why she has to be an obstacle to my life.
She took Matt away from me and now him?
I mean, how am I supposed to be happy after all this are happening?
I know I've been a mess but that isn't a good reason for her to be so pocky to my life.
I wanna act normal but鈥� I don't think it's necessary anymore. I do wanna remember, or may be I have already.
But this鈥� getting married to her? How am I supposed to feel with that? Normal? Hell no freaking way!!
Yeah, you can say it on my face. I'm a jealous freak. I totally accept it.
'Do you wanna remember every thing?" He asked.
'I do." I fought so hard to hold back the tears in my eyes, and you know he won't notice I was actually crying because of his so-called contract marriage.
Maybe he might think my tears was all because I do wanna remember what he thinks I am forgetting.
'I don't know. Maybe I don't want to."
'It's okay if you don't want to, no one is forcing you."
Of course, I do. I want you! Can't you look into my heart and see how much I wish for you here?
How much I've hoped to look at your face, not to see the terror but the hope of survival.
And every moment I think of you鈥� okay, I'm over thinking now.
'I'm sorry, but I have to go back to my room. Thanks for the walk. ' I didn't let him say anything, I turned back, heading to my room.
I shut the door behind me, leaning against it as I stained my cheeks with my tears.
You don't understand how much it really hurts to watch someone take away the things so dear to you.
Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep having this feelings and it's like a heart beat, rising and falling every single second.
Maybe Desire was wrong. Maybe I ain't just scared of him, maybe I am feeling this way because I鈥� I am in love with him.
I was so devastated over the whole marriage stuff, and somehow my head won't stop imagining the both of them standing before every single one of us together as husband and wife.
'No. No!" I held my head, shedding more than I can offer.
Desire thankfully being the gossip she is came to check on me only embarrassed by my tears.
'Hey, Jane, what's the problem?" She asked. ' Did he yelled at you?"
' No, Desire, he didn't. ' I sniffed.
' Then what happened? Did he acted like he didn't remember you or something? Did he questioned you on why you were standing by his room door? '
' No, Desire, he didn't do any of those." I said, sniffing hard again. ' He didn't do any of those."
' Then what's making you cry so hard like this?" She asked, more worried. ' Did he kissed Sophie at your front?"
' No!" None of those questions were helping me, rather they made me want to cry the more.
'So say something and stop keeping me hanging. God, I'm getting more worried already. '
' Desire, I am scared." I finally found myself saying it out.
' Scared of what, Jane? Scared of dying? Come on, no one is dying and I can assure you this, Alpha Riel isn't gonna kill you anymore. I mean, it's three days since your late husband passed away, and you're still breathing. So clear the fears off, you are definitely not dying鈥� at all. ' She assured me.
' I don't think you understand what I am trying to say. Very soon he will be married to her and then every thing is gonna鈥� I don't know. '
' Oh my goodness, Jane, you are in love!! ' She exclaimed happily.
' That isn't helping either."
' Of course, it is. You are developing feelings for his majesty, we should be jubilating and not crying our eyes out. I'm happy for you, Jane, this is the most exciting news I have ever heard in months. '
' It's not gonna help because very soon, any moment from today he will be getting married to her. And I can't bear to imagine it all happening. '
' Because it is never going to happen." She said sternly.
' Oh I forgot, you're the majesty now. ' I rolled my eyes.
'No, I'm damn serious about this. And the only way to prevent it from happening is you."
' How? 'I asked.
' You have to talk to him."
' What? You kidding, aren't you? You can't expect me to talk to him about my feelings or explain how it hurts me to hear that he is getting married to that witch. This doesn't make any sense at all!" I yelled.
' He's probably gonna think I'm insane or maybe that鈥� that all my crazy acts were all pretence. Desire, I don't want him to know I remember everything." I sniffed again, ' I'm just so scared of loosing him."
'Look here, you don't have to tell him that you remember everything now or that you've been listening about his marriage preparations. You just have to go to him and talk. '
I was hoping she could realize her word 'Talk."
As if she knew what I was thinking about, she said. 'I'm not talking about the normal talk. Sometimes you just have to picture things in the opposite. And when I said talk, I'm talking about the practical aspect of it. You don't have to walk to him and say any of those you just said to me."
' What do you mean by being practical? ' I asked.
' Now you're getting to my point."
' So what am I suppose to say or do?" I asked again.
' What you're gonna talk is up to you and not me. When you walk into his chambers, you're gonna make him believe you have something to say. Keep a steady eye contact with him, a direct one and trust me, he won't let go because if he does, it's all like he'll lose you in a second.
While you keep this eye contact with him, say something鈥� any thing, crazy or not crazy. It doesn't matter how serious or important it could be, as far as he's listening, it is automatically becomes important to him. Slowly and gradually you're getting to him.
Try not to let him know what you are up to, let him keep believing you really want to talk to him. And then, now you're inches close to him, this is the time you have to be practical. You have to kiss him."
I gasped softly. Kiss him?
' What if he鈥�. What if he pushes me away and then walks me out of his room? You know, he's getting married鈥� I don't want it to look like I'm being so jealous or something. '
' You are actually jealous and that is why you are going to stop this marriage from holding. I'm telling you if this plan doesn't work, you are free to detain me from being your maid."
' That isn't the problem. The problem is I have never kissed before and I can't even kiss. I mean, how am I supposed to make the move when I can't even do a thing. Do I have to drop my lips on his and then, that's it?"
Desire slapped her forehead. ' Oh Jesus Christ. Well, that doesn't mean the game is over. When he feels your lips on his, there will be a pause of surprise and when he sees you haven't let go yet, he's gonna make the next move.
But first, you have to kiss his lower lips. No, not just kiss, I mean lick."
I rose an eyebrow. ' Are you for real?"
' You said you don't know how to kiss, well, I am actually teaching you how to do that."
' Have you kissed before? 'I asked. Don't blame me.
' Yes, twice but that isn't important now. Your's is."
'Great." I rolled my eyes again.
'Lick his lips slowly, and again and again."
' I need to calm down before I do anything."
' No, cos you're gonna do that now. So clean up your tears young lady, and try to act normal. Though, it's likely he might know you're up to something but that shouldn't stop you. '
' How is he gonna know about this? You think he's eves dropping on us or something?" I stood up to check the door.
' No. ' She was laughing.
'What? He might be at the door who knows?"
'I'm talking about the part of him being a wolf. Werewolves are sensitive and can read thoughts even before we find out. But don't let it stop you, you have to do this. 'She encouraged her. ' Not for anyone but for yourself. '
I went into the bathroom to wash the tear stains off, appearing on a normal face. Though, you can still tell that I've been crying.
But that doesn't matter does it, especially when you've got some make ups to do the works?
Desire helped me with the little make up, and a slight lip gloss. I was sure the redness of my eyes were back to white before I left to his room.
It's time to be practical, Jane. Be practical. I said those to console myself.
I offered a knock on the door, he didn't hesitate to ask. 'Who is that?" He asked.
'It is I, Desse." I answered, my legs were actually shivering.
I could hear the approaching footsteps as it got closer to the door, then the sound of keys as he unlocked the door.
Honestly, I'd say, I felt like being this practical right now and I don't mind if some one might end up seeing us in the act.
'Desse?" He called surprised. 'I鈥� I never expected you to come."
'I didn't expect to be here either. I have some thing to tell you that's why I am here." I said, making sure I was doing what Desire had said.
' Okay, come in." He shifted for me to enter.
For the very first time, I was walking into his room. It felt so real than watching from the door. I was lost at the sight of his well furnished room that I almost thought I was in heaven.
'You said you wanna tell me some thing? I'm listening." Oh, thanks for bringing me back to reality.
I turned to him, do I really wanna say something?
'Uhm, yes." I exhaled heavily. 'I uhmm鈥� I don't know how to put it words but鈥� I thought I should let you know about it." I said, making my steps closer to him. ' I know you might think I am crazy but鈥� I know what I'm talking about."
He just stood there, looking at me attentively even when I knew deep inside of me that I wasn't making any sense in what I was saying.
He was actually listening to me.
Now I was standing right before him. I just wish he can read my thoughts and know how much it hurts to watch him being taken by another woman.
I just want him to understand how much I love him, how much I've hoped for his rise. How much I've dreamt and prayed for him despite after what happened between us.
My eyes were already leaking from the tears which clouded it. 'I鈥� I don't鈥� I鈥�" I couldn't find the words to say so I ended up being practical.
At first, it was a pause, then a kiss on his lower lip. I pulled back, staring into his eyes, those eyes which held hope and salvation.
Like those warm hugs you get from your mother after so many years of staying away from her, those were the kind I felt in his eyes.
And all those fears were replaced with love. I just want him to understand how much I feel for him.
I know he did want to say something, but I won't blame him for being so surprised and confused.
'You remember me, don't you?" He asked with hesitation.
I nodded my head. 'I do remember you. I remember everything. Your voice, the dreams and visions, back then at the cave. I remember our quarrel that night, how you threatened to kill me along with your brother. I remember it all."
' I鈥� I didn't mean to hurt you. I was angry and鈥� I wasn't thinking and鈥� it's my fault you made that decision. I don't blame you for whatever action you took. But I was scared you'd accept the fate to die with him."
' I never wanted to, I was only scared of dying without getting the chance to look at your face. I was scared a moment like this would never come and鈥� and I was scared I would lose you to someone else."
He touched my cheek, caressing it with his thumb. I know I shouldn't have blurted my feelings to him but鈥� I just couldn't hold it anymore.
Dying in silence wasn't the best option either because it is I who will regret it later. I don't wanna regret anything鈥� especially not my feelings.
'You remember earlier when I asked you if you wanted to remember the most important part you were forgetting? ' I nod my head. ' I did wanted to make you remember because I knew I was that important part.
You just don't know how it hurts me to watch you okay but I was someone strange to you. Though, I did kinda loved the other you but鈥� I desperately wanted you to remember me. '
I was mentally thanking the heavens for Desire, and for making a day like this to come.
I was hungry for his kiss. I wanted to feel those lips on mine, his hands around my waist, his breath on my face.
I wanted all my thoughts to be of him and no one else, not even about myself. I just wanted him alone.
As if he read my mind, slowly his face was close to mine and all I could look at was his pink lips.
I felt it, soft and gentle鈥� my eyes shut close. My hand held his neck, I didn't want him to let go. I wanted us like this, just like this.