Getting Out

Leah

I sighed when Maddie breezed into my room with a tray of food. She smiled at me as she plopped down on the bed next to me, placing the tray next to me.

“Good afternoon, Leah. How are you feeling?” She asked.

“Meh.”

She sighed as she shook her head. “I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time. I wish I could take your pain away, but I can’t. All I can do is try to help you stay sane while you figure out what to do. And no, wasting away in bed is not an option.”

“I don’t feel like doing anything else,” I argued. “I just want to sleep.”

She sighed as she lifted the lid off the platter to reveal a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup. “You need to eat. And you need to get out of here. I—”

I sat straight up, staring at her as tears filled my eyes. “I’ll be out of here within the hour.”

When I climbed off the bed defeatedly, she reached out to grab my arm to keep me on the bed. “We are not kicking you out, Leah. I just meant you need a break from this room. I have a meeting today, and I wanted to know if you wanted to go with me. I know what Eden is meant to do. Your healing doesn’t have to stop just because you are not there anymore.”

I eyed her wearily. “Group? As in a support group?”

“Yes. Caleb runs it. All the women there are so supportive. They are all great. I think it will be a great thing for you to do. And when you decide how you want to move on with your life, I will support you. We will support you. All of us. Joey, Ramira, and Caleb will all support you too.”

“Even if I choose not to be with Brennan?” I asked softly.

She took my hand to squeeze it. “Even then! We don’t adore you because he loves you. We adore you because you are amazing in your own right. And as far as I’m concerned, I might punch him in the throat for being so stupid. He should have told you that he loved you. We wouldn’t be here if he had. We all know he feels it. He’s just got to do better expressing it.”

“Thank you, Maddie, for everything. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t opened your home to me.”

She patted my hand before standing up to stretch. “I wasn’t going to leave you out in the cold, Leah. I’m glad you came to me. I’m glad that you’re okay. I just want you to cheer up a little. I understand it’s hard right now. I wish it weren’t. I’m going to leave now; I hear Jocelyn fussing. It’s time for her to eat. I leave for the group in one hour. I really hope that you decide to come.” She leaned across the bed to hug me tightly. “I love you, Leah. I know I’m not the one you want to hear those words from, but I do. I just wanted you to know.”

“I love you too,” I sniffled, feeling shy over uttering the words.

She beamed widely at me before hurrying out of the room. I tilted my head as I eyed the food. I really didn’t want to leave the bed. I just wanted to wallow in my depression, but she was right. I needed to try to continue to heal. I sighed before moving the tray to my lap to eat. As soon as I started to chew the first bite, my hunger leapt to life, making me realize just how ravenous I was. I groaned before devouring the entire meal. Once I was done, I leaned back against the headboard with my hand splayed over my stomach. God, that was delicious. I glanced at the door, wondering if it would be too much if I asked for another sandwich. I sighed as I got to my feet. Maybe I’d grab another one on the way out of the house. I needed to shower as I hadn’t in the three days since I arrived. I had barely done anything except lie in bed and cry.

As I showered, I thought about Brennan. I wondered if he was missing me as much as I was missing him. I missed Rose, Doc, and Armadillo too. I wanted to go home. My hand paused as I moved the washcloth over my stomach. Home? Since when had I started to think of Eden as home? I angrily wiped a tear off my cheek as I realized it wasn’t Eden that I thought of as my home. It was Brennan. When I was with him away from Eden, I didn’t miss it. Because I was with him. I let myself cry as I moved under the stream of water with my face tilted up. I loved him, and I didn’t know if I would ever have him again.

When I was ready to go, 15 minutes later, I rushed out of the room, determined to make an effort to continue my journey without Brennan. He helped me get on the right path, even if he didn’t keep me on it. I had worked hard to get to where I was. I couldn’t keep blaming him for everything that was going wrong. I needed to own my life. It was mine. And it was solely up to me to determine how it was going to go. I gave Maddie a little nod as she cast me a questioning look. She immediately relaxed before kissing Joey’s cheek.

“We’ll be back in a few hours. If you need anything, text me, and I will come home immediately.”

He sighed deeply as he took her in his arms. “I will, baby. Go to your meeting. I have the kids. We will all be alive and well when you get back. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” she murmured softly.

I looked away from them, feeling uncomfortable with the level of affection they were exhibiting. It was still new to me to see such love between a couple. My parents didn’t have any type of love, respect, or passion between them. My mother was terrified of my father, while my father was always angry and violent. When they were done making out, Maddie pulled away from him to wind her arm through mine.

“Come on, Leah. Let’s go.”

She led me out to the car, where she practically shoved me inside it while I glanced anxiously back toward the house.

“Can he handle all the dogs and the two babies? It’s a lot for one person,” I said worriedly.

“I don’t know, but when you got here, he told me he needed me to trust him. I’ve been trying to. It’s just hard because at first he didn’t want to take our son in. He was very against taking Josiah in. I’m still worried that he’s going to regret taking him. I hate that I feel that way, but I can’t help it. He was so angry at my mother.” She glanced at me. “I know that he’s a great man, but I still worry that his resentment for my mother is greater than his love for me. I’m worried that he will end up hating both our son and me. I just want us to be okay. That’s why I haven’t really had him stay with Josiah alone. But if he thinks he will be okay with it, then I will try to give him the lead more. I’m not going to lie; I’m still very worried, but I trust him. If he says he can do this, then he can. I just have to let go of everything my mother did. He doesn’t deserve to have me doubt him because of my mother. It’s just hard, you know?”

I nodded as I turned to look out the window. “I think if anyone can understand that, it’s me.”

“I know. We’ll get through it together. It’ll just be slow.”

“Yeah, slow. But it won’t be as slow as Brennan,” I said.

She burst out laughing. “No, no, it won’t be. He’s a snail’s snail. And you’re a tortoise.”

“A tortoise?” I repeated.

“Yeah. More focused than the hare.”

I shook my head as a small smile lifted my lips up. “Well, at least I’m faster than him.”

She patted my thigh as she pulled into a small parking lot. “A lot faster. Come on. Let’s get inside before Caleb thinks I’m not coming.”

After getting out of the car, I hesitated beside it, twisting my hands together anxiously. “Are you sure it’s okay that I came? I don’t want to intrude.”

She wrapped an arm around my waist as she guided me up the stairs. “I’m very sure.”

I walked stiffly by her side until we got to the basement, where I stopped in the doorway, looking around at the small group of people preparing food from a long table at the back. As Maddie walked toward the table, Caleb hurried up to me, smiling.

“Hey! I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been worried.”

My eyes widened a little. “You were?”

“Yes. Let’s get you a plate, and then we will start,” he told me as he gestured over his shoulder.

“I— ummm— thank you.”

His face immediately turned serious. “Don’t thank me, Phoenix. This isn’t going to be easy. You’re going to have to put the work in, but we will be here to support you. As long as you’re willing to do the work, we will help you. Get some food and come to the table. We’ll be waiting for you.”

I stared after him, gulping hard. Okay, now I was worried all over again.