Getting No Answers

As I walked away from Leah, I couldn’t help but feel like I was going in the wrong direction. I wanted to walk straight back to her and listen to her talk about how true love would conquer everything. I understood why she wanted to live in the fantasy world of books, but we didn’t. It was easier to pretend that princesses and their prince charmings existed, but the sad truth of the matter was that reality didn’t work like that. When I lost Janice, it hurt, but losing Diadra destroyed me. I didn’t think that anyone could heal from a loss of that magnitude just by having someone in their life who cares about them.
I jammed my hands in my pockets as my office building loomed in front of me. I didn’t want to dissuade her from believing fairytales were real, but I also couldn’t afford to let myself fall into the trap of daydreaming. Good people were only put on Earth to suffer at the hands of bad until they were called home. Nobody could convince me otherwise. That’s what I had seen, so that’s what I believed.
I tapped my foot while I rode up the elevator to my office, agitated that she was making me long to be able to believe in what she was preaching. I walked past the desk that I used when I was being R.H.M. to stroll into the smaller room that I used as a bedroom. I sat down at the table inside and pulled up the video footage from the night before to see what I said in my sleep.
When I rewound to the moment that I climbed into bed with her, I was a little amazed to see the way her anxiety had melted away the longer I was next to her. I hadn’t noticed it the night before, but I wished I had.
I fast-forwarded it slowly, watching my mouth intently for it to start moving. I didn’t want to spend 12 hours just watching us sleep. I didn’t have time for that. I had so much Eden business that I needed to do. That is what I should be doing instead of watching the videos. Every time she shifted in her sleep, I turned with her, keeping her in my arms the entire night. I couldn’t even remember the last time that I had been so clingy to a woman. Towards the end of our life together, Diadra had chosen to sleep in the guest room. I had been miserable, and everything had been a mess. I wasn’t sure if my behavior had been because I had another person next to me again or because it was Leah. Either way, it was nice to get a good night’s sleep.
At around 4 AM, I began to mumble, so I stopped the footage before rewinding it until a few minutes before I began to talk. I turned the volume all the way up on my speaker before pushing play.
I rolled on my back as I babbled too low for the cameras to pick up what I was saying. After a few minutes of fidgeting, Leah started to stir, making my heart practically stop in my chest. She rolled towards me, listening intently as emotions flashed across her face. She began to speak softly to me as she gently rubbed my shoulders while I continued to move around, obviously distressed. When tears started running down my face, Leah shifted on the bed so that she was lying next to me. She tugged me onto her chest before rubbing my back while I clung to her.
A little after 5 AM, I was finally calmed down enough to lay next to her, sleeping as if I hadn’t just practically had a meltdown in my sleep. Leah nuzzled into my chest with her arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me until she fell back asleep a little over an hour later. I fast-forwarded again until she woke back up at 2 PM. I watched as she tried to shake me a little before giving up. She smiled down at me as she ran her fingers through my hair.
“I hope you like eggs and bacon because that’s what I’m making,” she said.
I quickly watched the last hour before leaning back in my seat as I tapped my fingers on the table in front of me. What was I going to do? The video had given me no clear answers, except for the one to the question that had been bothering me the most since Leah had arrived at Eden. Was everything she was showing me real? I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. Hell, I couldn’t even have any doubts about who she was. She was the goodhearted, pure person she presented to the world, and I had proven to her what an asshole I was. Shit. I knew that her first week was coming to an end, and by the rules that I had put into place to keep the community going, she would need to leave for not completing her task.
Completing the tasks set for them showed that they were wanting to heal and were actively trying to get better. She had been so focused on me the last week that she had only gotten two people to ask for her name. I needed her to stay while I worked out how best to handle the problem I was having regarding my feelings for her. I wanted her to get better so that she could face the world as if it were a fairytale, but I also needed to figure out a way to apologize to her for saying the things that I said to her.
I wouldn’t give in to my growing feelings for her, but I did want us to be friends. As I pondered how best to get someone to ask for her name, my watch went off, alerting me to Daffodil reaching out to me.
“R.H.M., I have the list of items that we need for the shelter,” she told me.
I smiled as an idea hit me. “Thank you, Daffodil. I will be there in a little bit to collect it.”
I scrolled through my contacts until I came to Rosemary’s name. I selected it before initiating contact with her.
“Rosemary? Are you busy?” I asked.
“No, R.H.M. Do you need something?” She instantly replied, making me relax a little.
“I was wondering if you could do me a small favor.”
“Sure. If I can.”
“I was wondering if you would check in on our new member and just see how she was doing. You were the first person she met, and I was hoping that you and her would hit it off. I think she could use a friend,” I said, proud of myself for not giving away my true intentions.
“Of course. I will go to her house after dinner. Is there anything else that I can help you with?” She asked.
“No. That will be all. Thank you.”
“Okay.”
I lowered my wrist from my mouth, a lot more at ease about her task. I began to search through the cameras to see where Leah was. It took me a few minutes to locate her, but when I did, my heart sank all the way to the pits of hell. She was sitting on her front porch, and sitting next to her was Armadillo, also known as Derrick. I closed the program before I got even more angry. I knew that he liked her from the first time he spoke to her. I tried not to think about what he said to me the day after the party.
*“I know that Phoenix is new, but would it be okay if I pursued her? There’s just something about her.”*
While there were no rules against dating in the community, members had to be here for at least a month before any romantic relationships were pursued. That was a rule for a fucking reason. It gave our members time to heal some, so that the relationships weren’t based on their trauma. It had killed me to say that he could pursue her after the month was over. Well, it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t going to be okay. I didn’t want to watch her fall for someone else. I clenched my jaw as I got to my feet to head out of the office. I was going to have to fix this. And fast.