Rotating Emotions

Leah

I woke up stretching. I spent the last week doing nothing but sleeping and eating. I knew Maddie was pissed at me, but she would understand when I spoke to her about why I went back to being a hermit. I yawned as I went into the bathroom to get ready for the day, which I did quickly before sitting on the bed to put my shoes on. Sugar wandered over to me to put her head on my thigh, looking up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. I smiled as I patted her side.

“Come on, Sugar girl. It’s time to go outside. I need to talk to your auntie, and I have to go. I promise I’ll be back for you.”

She followed me out of the room to the front door that was already open. She sprinted out, and by the time I made it outside, she was running around the yard with Daisy and her pups. Maddie didn’t even so much as glance at me as I leaned against the bannister beside her.

“I can explain,” I told her.

“Hmmph. Which part, Leah? The accusing my husband of trying to hold you hostage, or the hiding the fact that you’re pregnant from my brother? Or maybe you think you can try to explain that you think it’s okay to be in my house, eating our food, and letting us take care of your every need and not tell us what’s going on?”

I sighed as I turned toward her. “I deserve that.”

“No, Leah, you deserve so much more than you’re choosing. You deserve to be with the man that you love. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be complete. And right now, you are choosing to be unhappy. You’re choosing to be here instead of in Eden where you belong. That’s where your anger is coming from. It’s not because of my overprotectiveness or Joey’s need to make sure you’re okay while you’re here.”

I sighed as I turned back toward the yard to watch the dogs. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah. A little,” she admitted as she mirrored my position a few feet away.

“Good. I really am sorry I accused you guys of trying to control my life. Will controlled every aspect of my life. When I got to Eden, Brennan gave me freedom while still maintaining a little control over me. When I got here, I was finally able to have full control over my life. If I wanted to stay in bed, I stayed in bed. If I wanted to eat, I ate. If I wanted to watch TV, I watched TV. I got to decide everything, down to if I wanted to brush my teeth or not. When you made Arlo leave, it was like I was losing my control all over again. I know that wasn’t your intention, but it’s how it made me feel. And the reason I haven’t really spoken to you about what’s going on is because as much as I want him to choose me because he loves me, I want to choose him for the same reason. I didn’t want to tell you that I was thinking about actually going back to try to talk to him. I didn’t want you to push me into doing so before I was ready. I want to do this for me. I want to do this for the relationship I know I can have with him.”

She sighed as she sidestepped until her shoulder was pressed against mine. She took my hand, squeezing it as she spoke.

“Are you really thinking about going back?”

“I am. I’m leaving today after I talk to Kaden.” I laid my head on her shoulder. “I know you probably think I’m taking advantage of you, but I never meant to make you feel that way. I also need to ask you to keep Sugar for me until I get back.”

“I shouldn’t have said that. I was just angry. And of course I’ll watch Sugar for you.” She squeezed my hand again. “I really hope that he wakes up…but, ummm, I need to tell you something…”

“What is it?” I asked, dread filling me with the nervousness in her voice.

“So, you know, Ramira and I went to Eden yesterday…”

“Yes. What about it?”

“We may have led Brennan to think that you were involved with someone…”

“Armadillo?”

“Yeah…”

I groaned before shaking my head a little. “You and Ramira are impossible.”

“We were—”

“Only trying to help. I know. I appreciate it, but please, don’t add anything else between me and him. We’ll find our way back to each other in our own way,” I told her.

“I know. I’m just so frustrated over this whole situation. You two belong together. I thought that maybe if I gave him a little push to talk to you, y’all would make up faster,” she said.

“I love you, Maddie.”

“I love you too, Leah.”

I turned to her to wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. “We’ll talk more when I get home, okay?”

“I’ll be here. Just make sure my brother comes home with you.”

“I’m going to try.”

“Good. That’s all I ask,” she murmured before pulling back to whistle for the dogs.

After saying bye to Sugar, I hugged Maddie one more time before going down to my car. As I drove to Leisha’s house, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I was anxious, but I had to know. I had to know if we were going to make it or not. When I got to the house, Kaden was playing outside with a toddler and a dog, while Leisha watched from her place on the porch. As I climbed out of the car, Kaden came up to me.

“Hey, Phoenix. Are you okay?” He asked worriedly.

“I am. I just wanted to talk for a few minutes. Do you have some time I can steal?”

“Yeah. Give me a second.”

He turned around to scoop up the little boy on his way to the porch. He set the toddler in Leisha’s lap, talking softly to her while he tucked her hair behind her ear. She glanced at me before putting her hand on his arm, saying something to him that had him shaking his head. When he came back over to me, I tilted my head as I studied his face.

“I’m not here to disrupt what you have going on with her,” I said.

“I know. She is just still hesitant about our new relationship,” he told me, glancing back at her.

“New relationship? Hmmm. Is she your girlfriend now?”

His face lit up as he nodded. “Yes. We talked about it last night.”

“That’s awesome, Kaden! I’m happy for you. It’s about time that you finally found someone who would give you everything you deserve. I would apologize for not being the woman who could do that for you, but you found a better woman to love you.”

He nodded. “Yeah. I am too. Not that I don’t still adore you, I—”

I laughed as I patted his cheek. “It’s okay. I promise. You’re happy now. That’s all I wanted.”

“Thank you, Leah. So, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you thank you for showing me that things can get better if you work on it. I wanted to tell you that I was taking your example, and I was going to finally go after what I wanted. I wanted you to know that I was leaving to go back to Eden. I want to put all my feelings out there and see how he responds. I want to tell him that I want to be with him. So, thank you. Thank you for not only being my best friend but also an example of how the past doesn’t have to repeat in your future.”

His eyes softened as he looked into my eyes. “You didn’t need me to be that example for you. You have come so far, and I’m so proud of you for wanting to stand up for yourself.” He raised his hand to cup my face, still smiling widely at me. “That man better wake up, or next time Madison goes to Eden to punch him in the throat, I’ll be going with her to hold him down while she does it.”

I burst out laughing as I covered his hand briefly before stepping closer to hug him. “Thank you, Kaden. You are amazing.”

“You are too. Let me know how it goes, okay?” He requested.

“I will. Now, before I let you get back to your family, I need to let you know that Madison and Ramira hinted to Brennan that we were together,” I told him, making him groan. I giggled a little as I patted his cheek. “You will be okay. I promise not to let him fight you again.”

“You better not! I don’t want to have to explain to my new woman why my 'never was my woman’s’ boyfriend punched me.”

I laughed again, feeling more free with my decision to go back than I had been with my decision to leave. I gave Leisha a small wave before hugging Kaden again.

“I am going to go while my decision to go back to Eden isn’t locking my body up with fear,” I told him.

“Alright. Be safe and don’t forget to tell me how it goes.”

“I won’t.”

As he walked back over to Leisha and her son, I got in my car. While I was backing out of the driveway, I glanced at Kaden, smiling softly when I found him kissing Leisha passionately. It really was great to see him so happy. He deserved it, and now all I had to do was go get what I deserved. Brennan. And I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Not this time.