Making Her Feel Safe

The program loaded within seconds and I heard Leah gasp when she found herself in a supermarket. I watched as she took a deep breath and I held my breath. Some people, depending on their pasts, freaked out during this activity. It was the biggest thing to see how my members were truly doing. A simple exercise such as grocery shopping should be easy but sometimes it unlocked new traumas. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was hiding when she got a cart and began to move up and down the aisles quickly, putting several things in her cart and bypassing everything else without a glance. As she was putting milk into her cart, she froze. She lifted the jug backup to stare at it.
After what felt like a small eternity, she started laughing hysterically, making the hair on the back of my neck raise up a little. I moved my gaze from the program window to the office camera, immediately jumping to my feet when I saw the tears coursing down her face. I had done this very thing with close to 30 people. The only difference was that none of their tears touched me in the way that hers did. I was almost to the office door when the sound of breaking jars had me spinning around to rush back over to the computer. She was standing in the aisle throwing everything out of the cart, screaming and carrying on angrily.
“Oh, you want fish, asshole?” She yelled before tearing open the wrap that held the meat to the styrofoam board. “I’LL GIVE YOU FUCKING FISH!”
She balled it up before throwing it away from her. I watched in shock as my usually calm woman completely destroyed every last item in the cart before stumbling out of the supermarket, making me glad that I had built a whole world for her. I quickly cued up some clouds for her the moment she sank to her knees and tossed her head back. I wanted to go to her and wrap her up in my arms, but–there wasn’t really anything that was stopping me except the need for her to complete this exercise. I copied her deep breaths, needing to calm down myself. I hadn’t expected such a big freak out from her. She had done so well with everything else that I thought she would immediately excel at this too. After a few minutes of looking up at the sky, she stood back up and I held my breath again in anticipation of what she would do next.
She rolled her shoulders back, making me extremely proud of her determination. I wasn’t exactly sure what she was determined to do, but something other than panicked anger she had inside the store was always going to be better. She paused inside the store, studying the mess she made before smiling softly.
“Hey, R. H. M.?” She called softly, making my heart pound wildly inside my chest.
“Yes, Leah?” I responded, holding the speaker down.
“This is a private exercise, right?” She asked. “Like it’s not recorded and kept right?”
“Correct.”
“Do you want to come join me?” She almost whispered.
I let the button go as a groan started to slip from my lips. If I joined her now it could hurt her more than help and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her in any way. I deployed the button again.
“I don’t think that is a good–”
“Don’t make me beg, R. H. M. Please.”
I cursed under my breath. “Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be there.”
“Thank you,” she told me softly.
I waited for a few seconds to make sure she would continue on her own before pulling up the part of the program where I could set another person’s profile. I uploaded a full body picture of myself, hesitating for a moment before pressing the accept button. After making sure that everything was right, I got up to go to my office, lingering outside the door for a moment before walking inside the room to pick up the second VR helmet. I ran eyes over her body, watching as her hands moved through the air for a moment before putting the helmet on. I knew I had been right to spend the extra money to have motion sensors put around my office to make the VR experience more realistic. I had a feeling that after this adventure with her today, I was going to definitely have to thank Dale for everything so much more as my brain was sucked into a world that was all consuming.
I sucked in my breath when I found myself at the door to the supermarket, watching as a beaming Leah walked up to me. She stopped in front of me, tilting her head back to look up at me. She reached out to me and I took her hand before placing it flat on my chest.
“You’re really here,” she whispered in awe.
“I shouldn’t be,” I told her. “I should just be watching and guiding.”
Her fingers curled into my chest. “I’d rather you guide me in a different way.”
I swallowed hard. “How do you want me to guide you?” I asked huskily.
She searched my face for a moment before tugging her hand away from mine. “I can’t tell you that, but I will say that your first reactions have been really great lately.”
I couldn’t help but stare after her as she pushed the cart past me. Once I was finally able to run after her, chasing her down eagerly to stop her from putting the groceries into the only car in the parking lot. Her eyes went from my hand on her elbow to mine.
“R. H. M.? What are you doing?” She asked.
I lowered my eyes to where I gripped her arm. “I–I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just didn’t want you to put the groceries in.”
She tilted her head, studying me for a moment before smiling at me. “Okay.”
She stepped back and watched as I quickly got the few bags into the trunk. When I was done, she reached out to touch my face.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “No one has ever helped me with such a mundane thing before.”
“Princess,” I groaned. “Everyone that has ever known you has been a fool for treating you poorly. I won’t ever allow that to happen again.”
“Ever, huh? That sounds like a long time. Are you sure you want that?” She teased.
I flattened her hand against my face as I nodded. “Without a doubt or a hesitation.”
Her mouth dropped open before it formed an “O.” I took a startled step back as the realization of what I said hit me. I hadn’t even meant to say it, but God did it feel right. She smiled up at me, gesturing at the car.
“Are you going to drive or do you want me to drive?” She asked.
I hesitated, knowing that I wanted to drive but not wanting to overstep to the point where she thought I was trying to be controlling. Finally I shake my head.
“No, Leah. You drive.”
Surprise flickered across her face. “Really?”
“Yes.”
She shifted nervously. “Well, here’s the thing. I don’t really like to drive. Will used to make me drive everywhere. And–” She snapped her mouth closed, making me think that there was something more going on her mind. “Never mind, I’ll drive.”
When she went to move past me, I caught her hand, forcing her to stop. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she mumbled.
“My wife never let me drive either. She always said something about having to be in control, and I let her. I would let her belittle me and make me feel less than a man, because I didn’t want her to run away from me. She had done it so many times, so fucking many times,” I admitted. “You don’t make me feel that way.”
“How do I make you feel?” She asked breathlessly.
“You make me feel like a man. You make me feel like a protector, like– like I matter,” I admitted. “You make me want to guide you, and be everything you need.”
“And what do you think I need?” She whispered.
“You need someone who can be in control but be willing to hand that control over to you when you need to be the one in control. You need someone who is going to be patient and willing to prove to you that your trust is not wrongly placed. You need someone that will hold doors open for you and pull your chair out. You need a gentleman that is not exactly a gentleman. You need someone who is going to make you feel like a woman, but a strong one. One that doesn’t need a man but has one because she wants him. And Lord help me, Leah, I want to be the man you want.”
She remained silent, causing me to pray that she wasn’t about to end our exercise. As she lowered her head, it took everything in me not to force her chin back up. I stood impatiently while she worked through however she was feeling. When she finally lifted her head back up, there were tears glistening on her eyelashes.
“On the rare occasions Will drove, he would force me to–to touch him,” she confided almost silently. “And I don’t mean with my hands. I hated having to use my mouth on him. It was degrading. He would call me all kinds of names and force me to swallow his, you know. It scares me to think about someone having control over me again. I’m afraid of what might happen if I don’t fight back. It doesn’t matter what it is. It could be something as simple as what color plates we eat off, I don’t want anyone to have control over me.”
I licked my lips nervously. “Control doesn’t have to be complete, Leah. It can be as simple as letting yourself trust someone enough to believe that they won’t hurt you for the simple fact that they want the best for you.” I paused briefly before finishing. “In a true relationship, there are roles that are taken. Both people settle into their own roles with or without a conversation. I’ve never wanted to be the man in a relationship. I was always content to be the breadwinner yes, but I always bent to her desires. With you, I don’t want to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re different. I don’t think you would ever threaten to leave just because we argue a little. With you, I feel safe to be me and be the man I was raised to be. You have given me hope that there is a better future for me. And I find myself actually looking forward to tomorrow,” I tell her softly.
She reached up to grip my face and I would have given my left, hell, both nuts to actually have her touching me like that right at that moment. I felt so fucking vulnerable, standing here with so much of my heart on my sleeve. She pressed her lips against mine before pulling back.
“I guess that leaves only one thing left to talk about, then,” she murmured.
“And what’s that?” I asked hesitantly, not knowing if I could bare anymore of my heart to her right then.
She smiled at me. “Will you drive me to the house? Even though I can already tell that you set this place up like Eden,” she said before licking her lips nervously, “I still want to try to give you some control.”
My heart stopped in my chest as I gazed at her upturned face. “Are you sure?”
She nodded as she pulled away from me to walk around to the passenger side.. “Yeah. I’ll take some control later.”
‘What do you mean by that?” I inquired.
“Get in the car and let’s go so I can show you.”
I stood in place for a minute, barely managing to keep myself from rubbing my hand over the erection her words caused. I glanced at her as I climbed in the car to drive us to the virtual Adams’ house. When she leaned her head on my shoulder, all I could think was Fuck tomorrow. There was nothing like living for today. Especially with her right where she belonged. By my side.