Oops, I Fucked Up

When we arrived at Ramira’s house, I shook Dale’s hand while my sister immediately led Leah inside. Dale smiled at me as he nodded his head toward the house.

“Shall we?” He asked.

“Yeah. So, umm, as I recently found out, I really suck at apologies, but I wanted to try. I am sorry for what happened before with Patterson,” I told him as I massaged the back of my neck. “I also found out that I have a minor jealousy issue when it comes to people being happy around me because I don’t know how to be happy with myself and my life,” I told him.

He chuckled as he patted my back. “Those sessions with Ramira are really paying off, aren’t they?”

I groaned as I nodded. “Yeah, but I won’t tell her that. She’s already got a big ass ego.”

“Among other things,” he said, making me cover my ears while I groaned.

“Dude! Sister!”

He laughed again as I hurried away from him to shower and get my tux on before going back out to the living room where I cleared my throat loudly when I saw Ramira sitting on Dale’s lap with his arms around her while they kissed. She pulled away from him, grinning at me.

“I’m glad you guys were able to make it,” she told me as she ran her fingers through Dale’s hair. “Come sit. I want to talk to you about something that might help you while Leah is getting ready.”

I scrunched up my face before crossing the room to sit next to her with my hands clasped between my knees. She had a bad habit of lecturing me to the point where I felt like nothing more than a naughty 6 year old that had stolen a cupcake off the kitchen counter before dinner. She shifted on Dale’s lap so she could take my hand.

“What do you know about love languages, Brennan?” She asked.

“Love languages? As in how people express their love to each other?” I answered her question with my own.

“Exactly. There are several types. Acts of service or in layman terms, how you take care of your partner’s needs. This is one of the ways you express how you feel. Another way you express how you feel is through physical touch which means you use touching her, whether it’s kissing, holding hands, or something more to try to show her the depth of your feelings. You also use giving her gifts as a way to show her how you feel. Giving her gifts that mean something to her, and not just expensive gifts, is a big thing. With that being said, these are your ways of expressing your feelings. They are not necessarily how she wants you to express your feelings to her.” She held up her hand to stop when I went to speak. 

“The hard thing about love languages is that it can be a barrier in a relationship if they don’t line up. It can cause you or your partner to feel neglected even if your partner is not trying to make you feel that. Leah’s love language, from what I’ve seen and concluded from what you’ve said, is words of affirmation. She wants to hear directly from you how you feel. She wants you to verbalize how important she is to you. While you both have different love languages, you both do share one. Quality time. From what both of you have told me, you two feel more secure in your relationship after you have successful quality time. And I do not mean your VR sessions. Those help you way more than they help her.” She smiled at me.

“When I say quality time, I mean quality time. Time when you talk, laugh, and get to know each other. Between the two of you, you guys cover all of the love languages, which is not unusual as they tend to go hand in hand. We tend to either choose our love language on either what we see growing up, or what we are missing as we grow up. You had everything growing up. A family that loved each other, and supported each other. You didn’t want for anything and our parents were very affectionate. Leah didn’t have that. With the abuse she suffered, she is afraid of physical contact.” She squeezed my hand.

“Granted, the time she has spent with you and at Eden has helped a lot, but she still fears it. She is afraid that every gift she accepts from you comes with a future repayment. And as for your acts of service, it’s the same as the gifts. She’s afraid that you are going to take more from her then she’s able to give to you and then she will be in a worse place than she was because she cares about you. She didn’t care about her husband. She loved her parents, but not it was more of a forced love not a true love and she is trying to work that out in her own head. She has made a lot of progress, but she still has a lot of work to do. She needs you to reassure her that your love is true. That it’s different from the way she was ‘loved’ before. If you want her like you think you do, then you have to meet her halfway. You can still use your love languages, but you need to use more affirmations and quality time. After a little practice, it will come easy. And who knows, it might help you heal too. Now, tell me what you heard,” she instructed.

I sat silently for a moment so I could think about what she said. I knew this was important and I didn’t want to mess it up. It was too important for that. I let out a shaky breath.

“That mine and Leah’s love languages are different,” I said slowly. “She requires verbal reassurance while I try to show her how I feel through physical touches, acts of service, and gifts which frighten her. I need to lighten my love languages while increasing how clear I am in my words to her face about how I feel. No more hiding behind my art or letters to trust her to understand how I feel. I need to stop buying her gifts without also verbalizing how I feel.”

She patted my cheek as she smiled proudly at me. “Good boy.”

“Thanks, Mom. So, does Maddie know she’s getting married today?” I asked.

“Not yet. It really is a surprise. She doesn’t even know Joey is getting out of the hospital. She would be angry,” she laughed. “You know how Maddie is about Joey.”

“I sure do. It’s the same way he is about her.”

“Ummm, excuse me,” Leah said as she walked into the living room. “R. H. M., can I ask you for some help?”

“Of course. What do you need?” I inquired as I stood up.

She turned around to show me a line of undone buttons that went down the back of her dress. “I can’t reach them.”

My fingers itched to run along her spine while I kissed down the long curve of her throat. I took a step back, sliding my hands into my pockets.

“Actually, Le– Phoenix, it would be better if Ramira helped you,” I told her.

“Why?” She asked surprised.

“Because I am trying to keep myself in line, and seeing your exposed skin is driving me crazy.”

She blinked. “Oh. Umm, I’m sorry?”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Phoenix. It’s not your fault. Just take Ramira.”

She turned her head to study Ramira before shaking her head. “No, I would rather you helped me.”

She turned around and in seconds was gone. Ramira stepped up beside me with her head tilted.

“Interesting,” she said.

“What’s interesting?”

“She’s testing you.”

“I know, but why?” I asked.

“I think she wants to know exactly why you brought her here.”

“What do I do?” I inquired slightly panicked.

“Do something you haven’t been able to do up until now,” she answered.

“And what’s that?”

“Don’t fuck up.”

“Helpful,” I muttered as I left the living room to go into the guest room where Leah was patiently waiting for me with her hair pulled to the side.

I swallowed hard as I stopped behind her and began to quickly button up the dress while trying to ignore the way heat radiated off her skin. When I was done buttoning her dress up, I took a step back, turning away to flee from the room.

“R. H. M.?” She called softly, making me instantly freeze in place.

“Yes, Phoenix?”

“Come here, please.”

I cursed silently as I turned around to go back over to her. She studied my face before putting her hands on my shoulders and standing on her tiptoes to press her lips against mine. I fisted my hands at my side to keep from picking her so I could further our kiss. When her hands moved from my shoulders down my arms and up to my chest, I lost control. My hands went to her hips before sliding around to her back side to grip her ass to lift her up so I could grind against her core. She almost immediately broke our kiss, wiggling to get down. I hesitantly put her down, reaching for her immediately when she stepped back.

“Phoenix–”

“Thank you for helping me,” she said as she turned back to the mirror, picking up a brush to do her hair.

“Leah–”

“Please send Ramira in to finish helping me.”

“Ummm, yeah sure.”

I hurried back to the living room, lecturing myself about fucking up yet again. I was such an idiot. Ramira raised an eyebrow at me as I stepped back into the room.

“By the look on your face, I assume it didn’t go well.”

“Not at all!” I admitted.

“What happened?” She asked.

I groaned as I tossed myself down onto the couch across from Dale. “I fucked up. Just like usual.”