Prioritizing Leah

I woke up the next morning alone on the floor. I groaned as my body tried to resist me moving. I was too old to be sleeping on the floor like I was a teenager again. When I finally managed to get to my feet, I immediately stretched, trying to work out some of the tension in my body. I picked up the pillow and blankets off the floor before walking into Leah’s bedroom, looking for her as I entered. When she was nowhere in sight in the room, I quickly made her bed before using the bathroom and going to the living room to deposit the throw and pillow back on the couch. I wandered into the kitchen, smiling softly when I saw a covered plate of pancakes, but worrying more when I didn’t see her, especially when I found Sugar laying by the front door, trying to look under it. I knelt down beside her, running my hand down her back.
“I’m going to find Mommy. I’ll be back,” I told her softly before moving her away from the door to leave.
I locked the door behind me before heading toward my office, keeping my eyes scanning the community as I walked down the streets. When Armadillo fell into step beside me, I jammed my hands into my pockets, not wanting to talk to him. He matched my pace to my office before stepping in my way when I went to enter my office, making me clench my jaw tightly. I narrowed my eyes on him.
“Did you need something?” I asked, barely holding my temper on a thin, flimsy leash.
“Did you have sex with Phoenix?!” He snapped, his anger rolling off him in almost tangible waves.
I stiffened at his question, immediately wondering why he would ask me that. “No. I–”
He shoved me backward, making me stumble backward off the patio. I grunted as I hit the ground, glaring at him as he leapt the stairs to land in front of me.
“DAMMIT, R. H. M.! SHE’S NOT READY FOR THAT! ARE YOU INSANE?! YOU SPENT ALL THIS TIME TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I COULDN’T PURSUE HER UNTIL IT WAS TIME, ONLY FOR YOU TO TURN AROUND AND GET YOUR JOLLIES OFF WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD FOR HER MENTAL STATE!” He yelled.
I scrambled to my feet, taking a position to defend myself if he came at me again. “I did not have sex with her,” I repeated.
“You’re a fucking liar!” He spat.
“No, I’m not! I did not have sex with her,” I said sternly for the third time.
“You are such an asshole! If you didn’t sleep with her, then tell me why were you at her place so early?” He snarled as he took a step toward me.
“I went to check–”
“LIAR! STOP LYING! I WAS THERE WHEN SHE LET OUT SUGAR FOR THE FIRST TIME! SHE RAN FROM ME! SHE NEVER RUNS FROM ME! I WAS THERE WHEN YOU LEFT HER PLACE! SHE HAD ALREADY BEEN GONE FOR AN HOUR! I WAS WAITING TO TALK TO HER! SO, TRY AGAIN, BASTARD! WHY DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER?” He roared.
I held up my hand. “You’re wrong, Armadillo. I did not have sex with her. I fell asleep while we were talking and she let me sleep. When I woke up she was gone. I was coming to my office to see where she went. You’re not the only one that is worried about her. Now, you can keep standing in my way or let me find her so I can make sure she is okay.”
He narrowed his eyes on me. “You need to stay away from her, R. H. M. All you will do is hurt her. A man like you can never love a woman like her the way she deserves.”
I flinched when he said the word “love” before turning sideways and waving my hand back the way we had come. “You need to go calm down. You are breaking the most important rule that Eden has. You do not touch another person without their permission,” I told him with a calm voice that belied how furious I truly was.
“Fuck Eden! Kick me out if you want to, but leave her alone!” he snapped before stomping away from my office.
As soon as he passed me, I rushed back up the stairs to go to my office, instantly pulling up the cameras at Leah’s house to scout her whereabouts. I watched as Armadillo walked up to the gate, calling out to her as she was putting Sugar back inside. Leah spun around and the intense panic on her face made me curse loudly. Armadillo started to speak to her soothingly, but her eyes just got wilder until she spun around, running away from the house. I quickly jumped from camera to camera, following her hurried path until she turned down a street where there were no cameras. I leapt to my feet, sprinting down the stairs to race toward my private building, which was the only thing down the road she went down. I came to a stop outside the door, fumbling with the keys for a moment before I managed to open it. I immediately drew up short when I walked in to find Leah sitting in front of the mural with her arms wrapped around her legs.
“Leah?” I called softly as I approached her slowly. “Are you okay?”
She turned her head to look up at me sadly. “No.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
“No,” she whimpered, her voice catching on a sob.
“Leah, what can I do to help you?”
She held her arms up to me. “You can hold me,” she whispered.
I hurried over to her to sit behind her, pulling her onto my lap as soon as I was seated. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, trying to comfort her the best I could. She linked our fingers together over her stomach. We sat silently and I hated that she had found my last apology today while she was in such a rough place. The last time I had come to the building, I had found her locket hanging on the wall in the middle of my triplets. I had used the picture in her locket to create a different picture on the wall.
I had placed Leah in the middle of my girls with her daughter bundled up in blankets in her arms. Leah had her daughter angled down as if she was showing my girls their little sister with a more faded Diadra almost floating above them, looking down on them as if she was a guardian angel watching over them. When she whimpered, I buried my face in her neck, humming softly to her as she tried to work through her feelings.
I hoped that she would eventually talk to me, but even if she chose not to talk to me, I prayed that she would talk to someone, even if it was Armadillo. That thought was the only reason I didn’t kick him out when he pushed me. That along with the guilt of the night before triggering her trauma. My arms tightened around her as I thought about the way she reacted to my touch. I hadn’t meant to trigger her. I had gone so slow in an attempt not to trigger her, but it hadn’t been enough.
It had taken so much self-control not to just thrust into her and make her mine. I hadn’t lied to Armadillo. We hadn’t had sex, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I wanted nothing more at that moment the night before than to make love to her. I exhaled slowly, trying to hide the internal struggle I was having. I closed my eyes as I began to rock her back and forth.
“R. H. M.?” She murmured.
“Yes, Leah?”
“Why did Mister change his picture for me?” She asked.
I remained quiet for a moment before sighing. I wanted to lie to her. I wanted to hide the truth from her, but I didn’t want to lose her, and any type of lie I feared would make me do just that.
“We didn’t want you to feel alone. We wanted you to know that you could lean on someone. And I want to be that person,” I told her. “We thought that putting your past with his would show you that you’re not alone with your pain.” I brushed her hair back and kissed the side of her neck before cursing myself out silently when she trembled. “I’m sorry. I–”
She relaxed back against me. “Don’t be. You're affectionate and I like that. It doesn’t scare me as much as I thought it would. Last night scared me,” she confided. “But it wasn’t you that scared me. It was the situation. The last time I was in that situation, he-he forced himself on me.” She gave a sarcastic bark of laughter. “I say, ‘forced himself on me’ like I had wanted him at one point. I never wanted him. He always just took what he wanted but the last time, he was so rough. It hurt. When you took my hands, it was like you were taking what little control I had away from me.”
“I’m so sorry, princess. I never wanted to make you feel that way,” I told her.
“I know. I just wanted you to know why I panicked.” She turned around in my lap to wrap her arms and legs around me. “I do want you, R.H.M., but after last night, I don’t think I’m ready for the physical aspect of a relationship. Kissing and holding hands is okay, but the other stuff is too much for me. I know how much you want to have sex with me, and I feel so bad for not being able to give that to you.”
I nuzzled into her neck. “Don’t feel like that, Leah. I haven't had sex in years. Having to wait for you isn’t going to make me stop wanting you. Waiting just gives us time to explore each other in an emotional way. That’s harder and more important than physicality in a relationship.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She leaned back to look into my eyes, searching for something that had once again had me praying she saw what she wanted to see in my eyes. When she softly kissed my lips, I relaxed.
“Do you want to lay under the sky with me?” She whispered against my lips.
My heart sped up as hope filled me. “Yes. I’d love to.”
She stood up before taking my hand after I stood up. I curled my fingers around hers as she gripped my arm with her other hand. She walked slowly beside me, and as we stepped out, I glanced at her. The determination on her face was a much better look than the panic from earlier. I couldn’t help the smile that lifted my lips as we got settled on the ground. She was amazing. She had every reason to avoid me along with every other male on the planet, but she was trying so hard to overcome her past. I wanted to be the one she ran to, and so far, it seemed like she had chosen me to be that person for her. I took her hand, immediately bringing it to my mouth to kiss. She turned her head to smile at me.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Yeah. I was just thinking about you,” I answered honestly.
“What about me?”
“That you are an incredible woman. One who I am happy to have met.” I kissed her hand again. “Thank you for trusting me, Leah.”
She rolled toward me, searching my face again before cuddling on my chest. “Thank you for being someone that I can trust.”