Ramira to the Rescue

R.H.M.
I kissed her softly before helping her stand up, and following her to the kitchen. I leaned against the counter, watching her as she wandered around the kitchen, opening cabinet doors along with the fridge before frowning at me over her shoulder.
“Ummm… so it looks like I have no breakfast. Do you want some spaghetti?” She asked.
I chuckled as I shook my head. “Do you want to go to my place? We can cook there.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You’re inviting me to your place?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
She shut the fridge before turning around with her arms crossed over her chest. “Alright, buster! Tell me right now, are you dying?”
I straightened up, letting my gaze wander lazily over her body, lingering on her curves. “If I am, would you give me one last wish?”
I blinked in surprise as the words fell from my lips. I had no idea why it felt so right to play around with her like this so suddenly, but it did. It was a major relief to even be allowed in her presence again. She eyed me for a moment before standing up straighter.
“If I said yes, what would you ask for?”
I fought the urge to let my eyes roam her body again, a little worried about making her uncomfortable. “You.”
A blush spread across making her look even more gorgeous. “Me?” She squeaked.
“Yes.”
She gazed at me for a moment before sauntering up to me to run her hands up my chest until they were linked behind my neck.
“This is the part of the love story where you pick me up and take me to bed,” she whispered.
My body jerked as what she said registered. I reached up to pull her arms down before setting her back a foot.
“I have to go.”
I didn’t wait for her to respond as I rushed out of the house. On the way back to my office, I forced myself to focus on anything and everything but the word that immediately ended my playfulness. I slammed the door behind me, locking it tightly before sprinting up the stairs to my office.
“FUCK!” I yelled as I hit the wall.
I grabbed my cell phone before hurrying into the small, empty closet I had built to control my panic. I wasn’t sure why it helped, but being in small places made me feel safe, especially considering the fact that in such a small place , nobody and nothing could get in to invade my space. I put my back against the wall before sinking to the floor. I took a deep breath before dialing her number, tilting my head back to rest against the wall behind me as I closed my eyes.
“Brennan? Are you alright?” She asked as soon as she answered the call.
“Ramira!”
“Shit! Let me go into my office. I’ll call you right back.”
She hung up and I began to count, needing to focus on something other than my racing heart and tight chest. The second my phone rang, I answered it.
“She said, ‘this is the part of the love story where you pick me up and take me to bed,’” I told her.
She was silent for a minute before sighing. “What part of that sentence made you panic?”
“The love part,” I grunted. “We were having fun and I fucking flipped out! Why did she have to say that? Why did she have to ruin it?”
“First things first, brother: take a deep breath. In and out.”
I took several deep breaths under her instruction. When she was satisfied that I was calmer, she praised me softly.
“Good job. Now, let’s go slow. When she said that, how did it make you feel?” She asked.
“At first, I was excited but it only lasted for literally a fucking second before panic set in. I ran away. Fuck! I ran away!”’
“We’ll discuss running away in a moment. Tell me more about how you feel. Why did the word ‘love’ make you panic?”
“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, RAMIRA!” I yelled exasperatedly. “I hate the word.”
“Why?”
“You know why,” I grunted.
“Tell me again,” she retorted.
I pulled the phone away from my ear to glare at it, wishing that it was her I was looking at. “Is this how you help all of your patients?” I inquired.
“No, but you’re not just a regular patient. You're my brother. It changes things.”
“I wish it didn’t,” I mumbled, hating that I knew I was going to give in.
“Well, it’s not too late to talk to someone else,” she reminded me.
“Fuck you, Mira,” I grumbled before closing my eyes again. “Every time love enters into a romantic relationship shit goes wrong. I don’t associate the word with romance. It’s a poison to me. All it does is destroy everything. The people I love and myself. You know I vowed to never say that word to anyone else. I can’t. All it will do is destroy me again.”
She chuckled softly. “So, don’t say that specific word to her. Find another word to convey how you feel. Eventually the fear of losing yourself will fade. I want you to do something for me.”
I glared at the phone again. “Are you really giving me homework?”
“Yes. It’s an exercise for you to do everyday,” she told me. “It will help you with your little problem. Do you want to get better or not?”
“Sometimes I really hate you,” I told her.
“I know. So, are you willing to try the exercise or not?”
I sighed. “Is it going to be hard?”
“Very. Healing is hard, but it will get easier,” she said.
“Then I don’t want to do it,” I snapped. “I’ve had enough today.”
“Well, too bad. I’m going to tell you what it is anyways and it will be up to you to decide if you really want to heal or not. I want you to write a list of everything and everyone that you love or loved. Once a day I want you to stand in front of the mirror and read it off. I want you to say, “I love or loved so and so or such and such.”
“And what is that supposed to do?” I snarled.
“It will help you learn to acknowledge the feeling without the panic. You do it in the privacy of your own safe space.”
“No.”
“Yes. You tell me that you love me. Objects are no different.”
“Very big difference. You are my sister. We grew up together. It’s second nature to tell you that I love you.”
“So? This exercise will make it second nature for everything else.”
“I–”
“Just do it, Brennan. Try it for a week and see how you feel,” she ordered.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Now, about you running away…”
I groaned as I hit my head on the wall. “She said it and I pushed her away and ran back to my office.”
“I’m glad you two made up. Joey told me he almost had Caleb run you over,” she chuckled. “You and Leah will work this little snafu out too.”
“How?”
“I can’t tell you that, Brennan. You know her better than me.”
“I don’t think I do, but okay.”
“Just breathe and talk to her.”
“Thanks for that, I guess,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I will get some other exercises for you to do and then I will email you instructions, but still start with that one.”
“Whatever.”
“I mean it, Brennan! And talk to the girl.”
“Fine.”
“That means get out of your closet and go see her. Don’t talk to her over the watches. Actually talk to her. Let her see your face and watch hers.”
“Fine,” I repeated.
“Good. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I mumbled, making her chuckle.
“See! That wasn’t so hard.”
I rolled my eyes as I hung up on her. I hated that she thought she knew everything. Maybe I should get another therapist. The one I had now didn’t sugarcoat anything and I was already sick of her shit. Wasn’t she supposed to coddle me and make me feel safe with her? Right now I felt far from safe with her as my therapist. I was going to need her to prescribe me anti-psychotics by the time I was done ‘healing.’ I grumbled under my breath as I got to my feet. She was right about one thing, though. I needed to talk to Leah. I had just gotten out of the dog house, only to immediately put myself right back in it.
In just a few minutes, I was walking up her street, determined to at least try to express my apologies to her. As soon as I turned onto the walkway leading to her house, Sugar jumped to her feet to bound over to me with her tail wagging furiously. I reached down to scratch behind her ears while my eyes remained glued to Leah who was watching me with guarded eyes from her place on the ground. I followed Sugar over to her, sitting on the ground next to her.
“Leah–”
“Why are you here?” She asked.