Who's In Control Of My Life?

Leah

I was startled awake by screaming in the hallway. I scrambled up to press my back against the headboard, pulling the blankets up to my chin, staring at the door in terror as I tried to figure out what was going on. After a few seconds, I realized Madison was the person yelling. I cautiously climbed out of the bed, my eyes still glued to the door. I cracked it open just enough so that I could see into the hallway while I tried to determine where she was and what she was screaming about.

“YOU’RE ONLY HERE TO GET INFORMATION FOR BRENNAN! THERE’S A REASON THAT WE ALL AGREED TO STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT HER! SO, NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SEE HER! GET OFF MY PROPERTY!”

Who was she talking to? I knew who she was talking about. I crept out of the room, slowly making my way toward Joey’s voice as he tried to calm Madison down. Everyone fell silent when I stepped into the foyer. I looked from Madison to Arlo, who was eyeing me wearily.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Well, this prick is here to find out what’s going on with you so he can run back and tell Brennan,” Maddie snapped.

“Is that true?”

“Yes, but he’s just concerned about you. That’s all,” Arlo answered my question.

“Whatever! You don’t need to be here. If Brennan has questions about what’s going on with her, he can come ask her himself,” Madison snarled.

“Babygirl, you need to calm down. This isn’t going to help anything. He came here to see Leah. He can see that she’s okay.” He turned his gaze to Arlo. “You may leave now.”

He sighed before nodding. “I really am sorry, Joseph. I wasn’t coming to harass her. I just wanted to do something for him to show my appreciation for what he has done for Doc and Rose.” He gave me a small smile. “Goodnight, Phoenix. It was nice to see you again. Madison.”

As soon as he stepped out of the door, Madison slammed it behind him. I sighed as I leaned weakly against the wall. I was struggling to eat and had next to no energy. Ever since we had gotten back from Will’s house, I hadn’t been up to doing anything, except lying in bed. I tilted my head as I studied Madison’s face.

“You know, Maddie, I am a big girl,” I told her gently. “Don’t you think I should be the one to decide if I want to speak to someone or not?”

“Leah, he was sent here as a spy. He wasn’t checking on you because he cared. He’s Brennan’s best friend. I was only trying to protect you. I swear I didn’t mean any harm,” she told me softly as she approached me to take my hands in hers. “I swear to you, we are only trying to help you.”

I removed my hands from hers before glancing at Joey. “Am I a prisoner here? I can’t leave without someone with me. You gave me this tracker necklace, and you’re always telling me what to do. You even tell me how I should feel sometimes.”

“NO! That’s not—I—we,” she stammered as she glanced at Joey.

“Then let me make my own decisions,” I told her, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Then what do you want, Leah?” Joey asked. “Tell us and we’ll make it happen.”

“I want to speak to Arlo. If he was sent here as a spy to get information on me, then that means he has been talking to Brennan. I still care about him. You guys won’t tell me how he’s doing. Maybe Arlo will,” I said.

“Leah—”

“No, Madison. I said I want to talk to him. It will either be here or at his job,” I interrupted her.

Maddie sighed before shaking her head. She walked away from me, grumbling under her breath, before coming back a minute later with a piece of paper in her hand. She pushed it into my hands.

“You’re not a hostage here, Leah.”

She took Joey’s hand, dragging him off down the hallway while he sent me an apologetic look over his shoulder. I looked down at the paper, blinking rapidly in surprise when there were nothing but six words on it.

*Arlo-532 Apple Grove Rd Home*

I smiled softly to myself before hurrying down the hallway to my room, where I quickly changed into jeans and a tank top. As I put my shoes on, I spoke to Sugar, telling her to behave while I was gone. I rubbed her ears before hurrying out of the house to go to the address on the paper. I sat out front of the house, watching as someone moved around a room, pacing back and forth, obviously agitated. I sighed before getting out of my car to knock on the door. Moments later, it was pulled open, and Arlo’s eyes widened.

“Phoenix?”

“Ummm, hi. I hope this is okay, me showing up like this. Madison gave me your address after I told her that I wanted to speak with you,” I told him nervously, glancing back at my car as I wondered if this was truly what I wanted to do, or if it was just the need to rebel against someone who gave me orders.

“Would you like to come in?” He asked, stepping back.

“Ummm—”

“It’s okay. We can sit out here,” he said, gesturing to the table and chair set on the porch.

I hesitantly followed him over to the table, taking the chair closest to the stairs. “So, Brennan sent you to check on me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” I inquired.

“Because he cares about you, Phoenix,” he answered honestly.

“What exactly does he want to know?”

“Everything. He wants to know everything that is going on with you,” he responded.

“I’m pregnant. Are you going to tell him that?” I asked, half wanting him to tell Brennan and half wanting him to promise to keep it to himself.

“Is it his?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to tell him?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I kind of want someone to just so he comes back to me, but I don’t want him to come back because I am pregnant with his child.”

“Why do you want him to come back?” He questioned softly.

“I want him to want me. I want him to come back because he wants to. Not because he feels responsible for his child.”

He shot me a stern look. “Are you intending to keep this child away from him?”

“No. He doesn’t have to be with me to be this child’s father. With that said, I will tell him, but not yet. Unless you decide to tell him that is.”

He sighed as he turned back toward the yard. “Can I tell you a story?”

“Sure.”

“When we were 14, Brennan and I were playing hide and seek in the woods. We ran everywhere, marking up trees with pocket knives and carving the names of all of our crushes into the trunks. We spent hours avoiding our parents. Toward the end of the day, we found ourselves at the bank of a river. On that bank, there was a small fish there. As it lay gasping there, struggling to survive, Brennan got upset. He didn’t want that fish to die. No matter how much I told him that the fish had done it to itself, he was insistent that he had to save it. I thought he was just going to pick it up and throw it back into the river, but he didn’t. He dug a shallow path between the fish and the river before digging a deeper hole around the fish. I remember watching that fish as it swam around in the little lake he created. I remember thinking to myself that eventually that little pool of water would dry up and the stupid fish would be right back where it started. Dying alone on a riverbank. Brennan wouldn’t let us leave until the fish made its own way back to the river. It struggled to navigate the shallow path, but it did. As it swam from the bank, Brennan turned to  me and said, ‘I know I can’t save everything, but everything has a sense of self-preservation. Sometimes, all a living soul needs is a little help.’”

I tilted my head as I eyed his profile. “I don’t understand. Why did you tell me that?”

“Because, Phoenix, you are that fish. You were dying when you got to Eden. Maybe not physically, but spiritually. I know the journey has been hard and will continue to be hard, but you are almost there.”

“Where’s there?” I asked softly.

He reached across the table to take my hand in his, patting the back of it with his other hand. “The river, dear. It is within reach. Just keep persevering. You’ll be there soon.” He let my hand go as he stood up. “You should get back to Joseph's and Madison’s house. I am sure they are very worried about you.”

“Are you going to tell him that I am pregnant?” I asked quietly as he reached for the doorknob.

He paused to look at me. “No, Phoenix. I am not. It may be his business, but I know how he feels about you. We all know how he feels about you. If this is how we make you understand how he feels about you, then I will not tell him. I want you to be sure that he came back because he loves you. Not because he felt obligated.” He nodded at me. “Be safe on your way home.”

I sat on his porch for a long time after he went inside, thinking about what he said. Everything that everyone was telling me gave me hope that Brennan would eventually come back to me, but I was still worried. What if everyone was wrong? I sighed as I let my head drop for a second before getting up. I needed to see him. I needed to know exactly how he felt. I needed to hear him say it. As I walked down to my car, the thought strengthened. I was going to go back to Eden. He had a week. If he didn’t show up, I was going to go see him. Maybe I had let him stew in loneliness long enough…