Can't Fight It Anymore

We remained on the ground, watching the sky and making up fun stories with the shapes that we saw in the clouds. I loved watching her face as she talked about her hopes for the future. Every word she spoke made me like her that much more until I knew that no one would ever replace her in my life. I was happy that after our initial conversation, we stayed as far away from the topic of our past as we could, keeping the conversation light. I really needed to just have this type of time with her. Time that was not pressure-filled with opening up or harping on things that would take her away from me.
As the sun began to set, I rolled toward her, smiling at her. “Hey, princess,” I said softly.
Her lips lifted up in a soft smile. “Yes, R. H. M.?”
“Can I ask you something?” I inquired quietly.
“Yes. Of course.”
I remained quiet as I rolled back onto my back, suddenly too embarrassed to ask my question. She lifted her hand and began to draw lines in the air before sighing as her hand fell back to the ground.
“You know, sometimes I get jealous,” she confided.
“Jealous? Of what?” I asked.
“Mister. He has this amazing ability to take what he sees and put it into a drawing. Everything is so beautiful when he does that while I am just left with a bunch of muted memories. He creates such beautiful, heart-wrenching pictures that captures the world in a way that I’ve never seen it. When I saw the one that he did of me, I saw myself in a different way. I was so beautiful and confident in one while the other one I was hurt and angry and obviously not ready for life. Anyone that can create such conflicting looks with the same face is truly gifted,” she answered.
I continued to be quiet, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. I reached over to take her hand again, clinging to her as I tried to work how I was feeling. It was difficult to express the way her words had touched my heart. I had countless people compliment my art, but none of them had ever affected me the way hers had. I cleared my throat before bringing her hand to my mouth.
“Leah, thank you,” I finally managed to whisper.
“For what?” She asked.
I fell silent again as the urge to tell her who I was grew to the point of almost being unable to fight. I rolled back toward her, raised my hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, and kissed her tenderly.
“For being you. You are incredible,” I told her.
She smiled up at me. “I think you’re pretty incredible too.”
As I looked down into her eyes, I immediately got lost in her eyes. “Leah, I–”
Sugar started growling as she jumped up to charge at the front gate, drawing my attention to the street where Armadillo could be clearly seen walking toward the house. I let her hand go before sitting up. Leah got to her feet, quickly moving toward the gate to speak to him. I watched her shoulders go from holding a lot of tension in them as she glanced back at me to being fully relaxed as he walked away from the gate. She stood at the gate for a moment longer before hurrying back over to me.
“I’m so sorry about that. He just wanted to see if I wanted to go for a walk with him,” she told me.
I studied her flushed face as my jealousy grew. I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go on a walk with him, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to control my temper if she said yes. From the look on her flushed face, I had no doubt that he had wanted something more than just to walk with her. Feeling my temper rising rapidly, I got to my feet.
“It’s okay. I will leave so you can go walk with him,” I told her tersely.
She reached out to put her hand on my arm. “I don’t want to walk with him, R. H. M. I want to finish our conversation.”
I looked down at her hand for a moment before sighing as I covered her hand with my own. “What are you doing to me, princess?” I asked as I pulled her into my arms.
“What do you mean?”
“I get so jealous over you, it’s not even funny,” I admitted.
She tipped her back smiling at me. “Do you?”
I nodded. “I told you that I liked you. I meant it.”
She put the back of her hand on my cheek as she gazed into my eyes. “What did you want to ask me?”
“I wanted to know if I could spend the night with you again?” I blurted before I could chicken out again.
Her face instantly lit up. “I’d like that.”
I glanced around before picking her up. She let out a startled cry before wrapping her arms around my neck. I whistled for Sugar before carrying Leah inside to her room, kicking the doors closed behind me. I set her down in the middle of her room before kneeling at her feet. As I reached for her leg, I paused as the memory of the last time I was on my knees in front of a woman took hold of my mind, threatening to choke me. When her fingers moved through my hair, I tilted my head back to look up at her. She hesitantly smiled down at me.
“R. H. M., what are you doing?” She whispered.
I ran my hand over her foot, moving it up to her ankle before lifting it up to set it on my knee so I could untie her shoe and take it off. I clenched my jaw as the memory continued to play through my mind, keeping my eyes glued to hers to avoid it from taking me over completely.
*“Brennan, what are you doing?” Diadra had asked breathlessly when I knelt at her feet, pulling out the ring box from my pocket.*
*I had opened it before nervously shifting my weight on my knees and taking her hand. “Diadra–”*
The memory was cut off when I was shoved backward and I hit the floor hard. Leah quickly dropped over me, straddling me as she leaned down to bury her face in my neck as silent tears ran down my face. Her hands moved over my chest as she nuzzled into me before she began to hum to me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her tightly as my emotions held me hostage under their strength. When the memory began to fade some time later, I ran my hands over her back, soothing myself with her presence. She relaxed against me, her humming slowing to a stop until we both lay there silently, just holding each other.
“Thank you,” I murmured against her hair.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.
“No,” I answered before pressing a kiss into her hair. “How did you know I was struggling?”
“Your eyes went unfocused like you were looking past me. Like it wasn’t me you were seeing.”
I sighed as I rolled her over so that I could look down into her eyes. “This is not how I wanted this to go,” I told her. “I’m sorry that I ruined our night.”
She ran her fingers through my hair again. “You didn’t ruin our night. It’s just starting. Do you want to go outside and start over?”
I ran my eyes over her face before nodding. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
She smiled up at me when I made no move to get up. “We have to get up,” she giggled.
I sighed as I closed my eyes, breathing deep for a moment before lowering my face to her neck.
“The last time I was on my knees in front of a woman, I was asking my wife to marry me. I’m sorry I allowed that memory to affect me so strongly.”
She ran her hands down my back. “It’s okay, R. H. M. I will never blame you for your emotions. I know that you’ve gone through something that hurt you really bad.” She tangled her fingers in my hair and used her grip in it to pull my head up so that I could look into her eyes. “I will never get mad at you for feeling things. I am here for you as much as you have been for me.”
“Leah,” I whispered as I lowered my mouth to hers, pouring my emotions into our kiss.
She wrapped her arms around my neck again, holding me close to her as our kiss continued. The longer we kissed the more my mood shifted until I was starting to get hard and the urge to make love to her grew. When she moaned into my mouth, my control snapped and began to push my erection against her thigh.
“Leah,” I murmured softly. “I want you.”
Her legs fell open and I moved between them eagerly to thrust lightly against her core. Her back arched and her nails dragged down my back, creating a delicious pleasure-pain that heightened my pleasure. She swallowed hard before tentatively pressing her lips against mine again.
“Then have me, R. H. M., because I want you too.”
I licked my lips. “Are you sure?”
Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment before opening back up to look deep into mine. “Yes,” she murmured. “Take me to bed, R. H. M.”