Falling Back Into Old Ways

After an amazing night with Leah, I felt a lot better. More in control. I smiled at her as I bent down to kiss her cheek. She roused from her sleep just long enough to give me a small smile. I chuckled as I placed a kiss on her forehead.

“I am going to go let Sugar out. Come back to the office when you wake up?” I inquired.

She nodded as she cuddled back into her blankets. “Yes, Brennan. I will.”

I touched her cheek for a moment before walking out of the house, locking the door behind me. I whistled happily as I headed back to my office.

“Yo, R. H. M., wait up!”

I slowed down so Armadillo could catch up to me. I eyed him curiously.

“What’s up?”

“I wanted to say congratulations,” he told me, making me instantly stiffen. “You wanting to marry her has really made her happy.”

“It makes me happy too.”

“Did you tell her that you loved her?” He asked quietly. When I remained silent, he glanced at me. “I didn’t think you had. Not with the way she cried.”

I stopped walking to look at him. “What was she crying about?”

“She didn’t tell me, but I know it was about you. There’s no way she’s going to go from happy talk about her books to crying because her male lead finally told the female lead that he loved her after almost losing her. You need to wake up, R. H. M. Eventually, she’s going to give up if you don’t tell her how you feel,” he said.

“I have! She knows how I feel about her,” I snapped, getting angry.

“Unless you have told her, ‘Phoenix, I am in love with you,’ no, you haven’t. She’s not going to wait around for you forever, nor is she going to just forget about how she feels. I know you have a past too, but you should listen to your own advice.”

“And what advice do you think I’m not listening to?” I asked furiously.

“The part where you tell us during our sessions that the past is the past. It may shape our future, but so do our decisions. It’s up to us to make it work out. Stop hiding from her. She’s not whoever you’re holding onto.”

Before I could respond to him, he spun around to walk away from me, leaving me glaring after him. When she came back to the office, I was going to have to sit her down and really talk to her about how I felt. I didn’t want her to walk away from me because I couldn’t express my feelings for her. It wasn’t that I couldn’t. I was just afraid. And Armadillo was right. I wanted to make my future what I wanted it to be. Not what my past dictated that it should be. I sighed as I bent down to rub Sugar’s head.

“Come on, girl, let’s get you outside.”

When I took her out, I leaned against the railing as I watched her sniff around to find a place to potty while I thought about Leah. I never meant to make her cry. I thought that I could do this at my own pace, but was it really worth it if I lost her in the process? I was getting closer every day to telling her. The words burned in my throat so often now that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go too much longer without telling her, so what was the harm of just telling her? Pushing myself to tell her wouldn’t hurt too much. I knew how she felt. Or at least how I thought she felt. I sighed as Sugar bounded back up the stairs to me.

“Come on, sweet girl. I’m going to put you back upstairs, and then I’m going to put my car back. I don’t want Mommy to think that I’m leaving again,” I told her.

After putting her back upstairs, I went back down to move the car. As soon as I got in, my eyes fell on the manila envelope. I shook my head as I started to drive toward the fenced-in parking lot. I sat in the car for a few minutes, staring at the envelope before grabbing it and climbing out of the car. I jogged back to my office, where I sat at my desk, glaring at the offending envelope. Half of me wanted to know so I could truly put it in the past, but the other half of me just wanted to shred it and throw it away. I sighed as I dumped the contents out on my desk. Inside, there were only two things.

A piece of paper and a flash drive. I picked up the paper, quickly reading over the paternity results that clearly stated that I was not the triplets’ father. I rolled my eyes, knowing that she could have very easily forged it to get her way. I tossed it into the two-way shredder before picking up the flash drive and putting it in my computer. A few seconds later, the file manager opened, and I scrolled through names.

Diadra’s paternity test

Diadra uses my house to sleep with her boyfriend

Diadra talks about Brennan

Diadra plans on leaving Brennan

I frowned as I shook. I didn’t care if she had cheated. Hell, when I found out that she was doing drugs, I had started wearing condoms. So that one didn’t surprise me. The only one that I cared about was whether or not the triplets had been mine. I hesitated before clicking on it.

*Diadra was sitting on a chair in a doctor's office. A man I recognized as Diana’s current husband sat across from her with his fingers tented.*

*“What exactly is it you want from me, Diadra? You got the DNA results. And now you’re not happy with them? That is not my fault,” he told her.*

*She slammed the papers down on his desk. “I want you to forge me some papers that say that Brennan Morgan is their father. If you don’t, I lose everything.”*

*He sat up straighter. “And why should I help you?”*

*“Brennan has money! I can give you some,” Diadra told him.*

*He sat up straighter. “And what if it’s not money that I want?”*

*“Then what do you want?” She asked.*

*“You! Bent over my desk,” he told her as he walked around the desk to sit on it in front of her, reaching out to cup her breast. “You’re a very beautiful woman, Diadra. Fuck me whenever I want, and I’ll forge your papers for you.” He tilted his head as he pinched her nipple. “My fiancée could also use an allowance. $1,000 a month should do the trick.”*

*“And you’ll forge the papers?”*

*“Mm-hmm. You can pick them up tomorrow if you agree.”*

*Diadra nodded. “Fine. I agree.”*

*He smirked at her as he began to undo his pants. “Good. Get on your knees. Prove to me that you’ll honor your side of the deal.”*

*I exited out of the file, not wanting to see my wife on her knees for another man. I sat back in my chair with my heart breaking in my chest. The triplets weren’t really mine. I loved them so much, and not only had Diadra taken them from me in her lifetime, but she had taken them from me again after her death. I shook my head, trying to clear my frantic thoughts. I was more than a little crushed by this new information. Back then, I believed that Diadra loved me. I believed every word that came out of her mouth. She could have told me the sky was green, and I would have believed her. When our kids came out with blue eyes and blonde hair, I had doubts, so I asked for a paternity test. I was so angry. I couldn’t believe that she and that bastard of a doctor had forged the documents.*

“Just stop, Brennan! You do believe it, because she was nothing but a junkie who was using you. Wake up. Nothing she ever said to you was true. She didn’t love you. Hell, she cheated on you. And most importantly, she told you that the girls were yours. She lied about that too,” I told myself out loud. “She lied, just like Janice lied. That’s all women do. Is lie!”

My head whipped around when the elevator started to move. I quickly yanked the flash drive out of my computer as the elevator doors opened and Leah walked off. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up.

“Brennan!” She cried as she rushed over to me.

I jumped up, backing away from her as she reached for me. Her face fell.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

I took a deep breath in an effort to battle back my anger. “I need you to leave, Phoenix.”

“What did I do?”

I looked away from her as tears filled her eyes. My chest tightened as I envisioned Diadra’s face. She cried too when we were fighting. And I gave in every single time because I didn’t want to see her cry.

“Just leave, Phoenix. I am asking you to leave. Why are you forcing this?” I inquired angrily. “Why won’t you just leave?”

Her hands fisted at her side. “BECAUSE I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! AND YET AGAIN, I’M BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S MISTAKES! I DESERVE TO KNOW WHY!” She paused to wipe tears off her face. “Just tell me why, and I’m gone.”

I mirrored her stance as my anger surged. “BECAUSE WOMEN LIE, PHOENIX!” I yelled.

She stared at me wide-eyed for a second before nodding. “Understood.” She whistled, and Sugar was instantly at her side, eyeing me. She yanked the ring off her finger before launching it through the air at me, where it landed on the floor in front of me. “Men lie too, Brennan, but you don’t see me holding that against you. Come on, Sugar, we’re obviously not wanted here.”

Sugar followed her into the elevator, where she gave another tear-filled, heartbroken look as the doors closed. As the elevator moved down, I snatched up the ring before I threw myself back down in my chair.

“FUCK!”