Couple's Session Part One

I ran my hands over Sugar’s body as I waited for Ramira and Brennan to finish talking. After the last few days, I was definitely needing to talk. I knew that with the way everything was going between Brennan and me, I should be relieved, but if I was going to be honest with myself, I was more scared now than I was before. And that made me anxious. I smiled at Sugar.

“He’s a great guy, Sugar.”

“Yes, Leah, he is,” Ramira agreed as she sat down next to me.

“Hey, Ramira. How are you?” I asked.

“I’m good. I’m happy. But enough about me; what’s on your mind?” She answered.

I sighed as I ran my hand down Sugar’s back again. “I’m afraid, Ramira. Not just afraid; I’m terrified.”

“About what? And why?”

“When I spend time with Brennan, I am so happy, I swear I am, but I can’t help the niggling thoughts at the back of my head. Is he going to leave me for someone else? Is he going to abuse me like Will did after a while? Is he going to take everything I love and use it against me when he’s angry? If I make him mad enough, is he going to force me to do things that I don’t want to do? Is he going to end up hating me because I’m not healing enough? Is he going to throw me out of Eden after he’s had enough of me? Is—”

“Breathe, Leah. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay.” After a couple of deep breaths, she took my hand. “Now, let’s start over. I think I heard you say that you’re worried about him leaving you or abusing you, correct?”

I nodded. “I’m sorry, I was talking so fast.”

“It’s okay. Just slow down a little, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now, why do you think that he is going to leave you for someone else? Is he giving you clues that he wants someone else?” She asked.

“No. It’s just that I am having a really hard time separating Will and Brennan. I am trying so hard to do it, but I’m having a hard time. I really want to trust him, but it’s hard,” I told her.

She patted my hand. “I know it is. I’m really proud of you for trying to trust him. Brennan might have been a lot of things, unable to discuss his feelings and walking away when things got too rough, but he never cheated or put his hands on anyone.”

“Well, that’s good to know. Maybe one day I’ll be able to stop comparing him to Will. It just gives me a pause when I think about the girl that was here when I first got here. She was so into him. It made me jealous. And now I can’t help but wonder if he was secretly with her too, and I was the other woman.”

“Are you talking about Nero?” She asked.

“Yeah. Her.”

“She was on her way out before you got here. When she crossed the line by touching him after you got here, it just sped up her leaving.”

I eyed her wearily. “And it had nothing to do with me?”

“Not at all. Why did you feel that way?”

“I just wonder if I’m good enough for him. I wonder if, when he’s with me, he’s thinking about Diadra. I wonder if he’s going to wake up one day and realize I’m really not who he wants,” I admitted.

“Do you think you’re good enough?”

I let my eyes close as I shook my head. “No. I know I’m not. I find myself doing things that are out of my comfort zone just to make him happy, and I’m afraid that if I don’t, I will lose him. I’m afraid that if I don’t keep up the things I’ve already started, he won’t want me. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I can’t wrap my mind around everything. He is a great man.”

“And you’re a great woman, Leah. If you think that’s what’s going to happen, then talk to him about it. Every little fear that you have, talk to him about it. Every little worry, tell him. It will only help your relationship.”

I sighed heavily as I nodded. “Do you think we could end my private session and just jump into a couple’s one?”

She nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

We stood up and went back up to his office, where he was working on something on his computer. He immediately smiled up at me as we approached his desk. “Hey, baby.” He frowned at Ramira before looking back at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Are you ready to do a couple’s session?”

“Yes. If you are ready. I just need one minute, and then I’ll be finished.”

I nodded before following Ramira into the main office to wait. When he came into the room, he immediately crossed it to sit next to me with my hand clutched in his. I knew he was anxious about this new step we were taking together, but so was I. I squeezed his hand before turning to look at Ramira.

“How do we do this?” I asked.

“Just start talking. Be honest. Even when you are worried what each other will say,” she answered.

I hesitated for a moment before turning toward him. “I’m scared, Brennan.”

“Of what, Leah?”

“You. And how I feel about you.”

He sat silently for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Why are you afraid of how you feel about me?”

“Because I’ve never felt this way before. I was never taught to embrace my emotions. It was never okay for me to express my emotions. And every time I do it with you, it makes me anxious, because I never know how you’re going to respond,” I confided. “I’m afraid that the person that I’ve fallen for is not the person you truly are and that eventually, you’re going to hurt me worse than I’ve ever been hurt before.”

“What kind of person are you afraid that I am going to turn into?” He asked.

“Someone who will use his fists instead of his words. I’m afraid that you will throw me out of Eden and take everything that matters to me.”

He glanced down at Sugar, who was sleeping at my feet. “I would never hit you. Nor would I throw you out of Eden. The day you got here, I bought you a house, in case you decided you wanted to leave. It is yours, free and clear. You will never be homeless or just abandoned.” He brought my hand to his lips. “But I’m really hoping that you don’t leave. I want you to stay here with me.” He kissed my hand again. “And as for taking everything from you, I would never take Sugar from you. She is yours. You need her, and taking her from you would defeat the entire purpose of Eden.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “And even with that said, I care about you too much to use anything that matters to you as an incentive or a punishment. The gifts I give you are just that. Gifts. They are given to you because you make my heart beat harder. You make it speed up. And more than anything, just the thought of you makes me so happy that I am floating on air.”

“Do I really?” I whispered.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Leah, what could Brennan do to make you feel secure about his intentions?” Ramira asked.

“I—I’m not sure. Being stable helps a lot.” I turned back toward him to meet his eyes. “You being the same every day helps too.”

He got up. “I’ll be right back.”

I blinked in surprise. “Umm, okay?”

“I don’t know either. He knows better than to put a session on hold,” Ramira said.

When he came back into the office less than 60 seconds later, he clutched a manila envelope in his hand. He handed it to me as he sat back down. I turned it over in my hands, looking for a clue as to what was in it, but there was nothing but my name written on the front of it.

“What is it?” I inquired curiously.

“Open it and see,” he encouraged me.

I took the small stack of papers out of the envelope before scanning the top page, gasping as the realization of what it was hit me.

“This is the deed to a house in my name. And this one is ownership papers for Sugar. And this one is ownership of a vehicle. This is all for me?” I asked.

He nodded. “If you want it. The keys to the car and house are in there as well. Keep it. If it will help you feel secure, I don’t mind. I just want you to be happy, Leah.”

I smiled as I leaned toward him to press a kiss to his lip. “I am. I’m sorry I ever thought badly about you.”

He sighed as he pressed his forehead against mine. “I know that I haven’t always been the best person to you, baby, but I swear I will not hurt you again. I should have never hurt you that time either. And I am going to spend every day for the rest of my life proving to you that I’m not that guy.”

“Oh, Brennan,” I whispered. “Thank you.”

“Wait! Backup!” Ramira said, “What do you mean you won’t hurt her again? What did you do?”

I shook my head. “It’s okay, Ramira. I already forgave him.”

He sighed before gently kissing my lips. “You may have, but that might have added to why you’re afraid of me.” He pulled back away from me before sighing again. “The first time we made love, I started off really rough. I knew what she had been through, but still I was rough. It frightened her.”

Ramira slammed her hand down on the desk as she jumped to her feet. “YOU DID WHAT?!”