Missing Leah

Brennan

I took a deep breath as I made my way to my desk. After dinner with Rose, Taco, and Doc the night before, I lay in bed for hours, contemplating what I should do. I missed Leah like crazy. I knew she deserved better than me, but I wanted her. I knew I shouldn’t want her, but I did. I craved her like a dying man craved his next breath. Even if I never got her back, I wanted to be able to say that I tried. I tried for her. I tried for us. But most importantly, I tried for myself. After sitting in my chair, I picked up my phone, dialing the one number that I would never forget. I tapped my fingers on the desk as I waited for her to answer. When she did, I exhaled sharply.

“Well, well, well, look who it is. And what do you want, Brennan?” Diana sneered.

“To talk. Meet me Wednesday at the grocery store at 90 and Harvard,” I told her.

“What makes you think that I would want to talk to you now? I hate you, and you have made it clear that you won’t give me any money,” she snapped.

“Diana! Just stop! You have been harassing both me and my family. The least you can do is give me half an hour of your time. You have literally cost me everything that matters to me. I want to move on, and I want you to move on. I think I have a way that both of us can do that. Meet me tomorrow and let’s put an end to this drama,” I said angrily.

“The only way I ‘move on’ is if you start paying me again. Are you going to do that?” She asked.

“Show up and find out.”

“Whatever. What time?”

“Noon,” I answered.

“Fine! I’ll be there.”

“See you then.”

She hung up without even replying to me, not that I cared. She had agreed to meet me. That was all that mattered. I pulled my list out to look at it. The next item on it was finding a way to cope with the loss of my daughters. I let out a shaky breath. I wasn’t sure if there would be any way to heal from that, but I was going to try. I sighed as I put the list back into my drawer before booting up my computer to search for ways to cope. Once I found what I was looking for, I stood up to stretch. I was completely exhausted. I need to sleep if I was going to be out and about later. On my way to Leah’s old house, I stopped by Rose’s house.

“Hey, R. H. M. How are you feeling today?”

“I’m okay, Rose. May I come in?”

“Of course. Taco is—”

“I’m not here for Taco. I wanted to speak to you about something,” I told her.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No,” I chuckled. “I wanted to thank you and ask you for a favor.”

“Oh? How interesting. Do come in.” I followed her to the kitchen. “May I get you a cup of coffee?”

“No, thank you. I‘m on my way to Leah’s house to sleep in her bed.”

She glanced at me as she poured a cup of coffee. “You miss her that much?”

I nodded. “I do.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” She asked softly.

“No. This is something I have to do for myself. But while I’m doing it, I need you to step up and run Eden with Doc. I need to focus on healing so I can be better. I want to be better, Rose. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of holding onto the past. It’s keeping me from my future.”

She turned around, leaning back against the counter behind her. “Do you mean the future that you could have with Leah?”

I nodded. “Yes. That future.”

She tilted her head as she studied my face. “I’ll help you.” She walked around the bar to hug me tightly. “I am proud of you, Uncle Brennan. I hope that you make this right soon. She loves you as much as you love her. Just because she left doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you.”

“I know. She didn’t deserve how I treated her. It’s better that she left while I work on myself. I have to be worthy of her before I can even go to her. I don’t know how long it will take, but I will get there. I hate that I don’t know how long it is going to take.”

She patted my arm. “It’s okay. The type of love the two of you share isn’t just going to fall apart because you’re away from each other for a while. It will just make it that much stronger when you two are back together. So trust me when I say, take your time. Heal. Don’t let time be a factor in your healing. You are an extraordinary man. And she’s an amazing woman. You belong together. She’ll wait for you.”

I sighed as I nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

“I am. Do you have any plans on how you’re going to try to heal?” She inquired.

“I’d rather keep it private.”

“Alright. Well, I’m here for you if you change your mind.”

“Thank you, Rose. I will be leaving Eden for a few hours tonight,” I told her.

“Do I need to worry about where you’re going?” She asked.

“No. I promise I’ll be back tonight. I’ll stop by if you would like to let you know that I’m okay.”

“Yes. I’d like that. Now, go get some rest. I need a nap too,” she laughed as her hand landed on her stomach.

I smiled at her softly. “I’ll see you tonight.”

I left her house and finished the walk to Leah’s house. As I let myself in, I immediately missed Sugar running up to greet me, wagging her tail while her entire body trembled with excitement. What I missed the most, though, was not Sugar; it was Leah, who had almost always been hot on Sugar’s heels to greet me. She would run into my arms and kiss me. I sighed as I slowly moved through the house as memories flowed through my mind. Through the door to my left was the kitchen where we spent so much time talking, and I had given her the first portrait. The door to my right was the living room, where we had spent hours curled up, watching movies while Sugar lay next to Leah, fast asleep. I paused outside the bedroom door. And through there was the first place I heard Leah say she loved me.

I kicked my shoes off and set an alarm before lying on the bed, drawing in a deep breath. I could detect the faintest essence of her scent. I rolled over onto my stomach to bury my face into the pillows. I drew in another breath, almost moaning in ecstasy as her scent filled my nose. God, I fucking loved that woman. And I had to get back to her. I was going to get back to her. Even if it killed me.

“I love you, Leah,” I whispered as I drifted off.

*********

I woke up a few hours later when my watch started to vibrate and sing. I grunted as I rolled over. Fuck! I was still tired. I sat up groggily on the edge of the bed. When I got home, I was going to come straight back to her house and sleep. It seemed like it would be the only way I could sleep. I put my shoes back on before racing to where I kept the cars. I retrieved my Chrysler 300 before driving toward the address I found earlier. I kept the music off, wanting to reminisce in silence as I drove. I thought about the triplets. I thought about Diadra. I thought about Leah. I thought about everyone that was important to me. I couldn’t imagine my life with Diadra if she were still alive. I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone but Leah. I wondered if my triplets would love her. I wondered if she would love them.

I knew in my heart that they would love each other. I wish I could have seen them together. I wish I could have watched my girls grow up under Leah’s guidance. She would have been an amazing mother. The mother that my girls deserved. I sighed as I parked in front of the building before lowering my head as tears threatened to fall. I didn’t know why I did this to myself. Fantasizing about things that would never happen. I would never see them together. And that was why I was here. After taking several deep breaths, I got out of my car and walked inside the building to room 106. When I stepped inside the room, a man stood up.

“May I help you, sir?”

“Yeah. My name is Brennan Morgan, and I’m here because I lost my triplets. I’m ready to try to heal.”