I Didn't Mean To

Leah

I smiled up at Armadillo as I approached him at the corner of the street. His face fell immediately as he studied my face, sighing as he stuck his hands in his pocket.

“You two made up, didn’t you?” He asked, and I instantly felt like shit.

“Armadillo, we didn’t make up per se,” I said slowly. “But we did talk some…”

“Yeah, ‘talk,’ he said bitterly as he turned away from me. “I guess that ‘talk’ means I’ll be sleeping alone tonight.”

I grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop when he tried to walk away from me. “Armadillo, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to lead you on or anything. I thought–”

“What, Phoenix? What did you think? That I wasn’t going to fall even deeper for you spending nights with you in my arms? Did you think that I would just forget how I felt about you long enough to not be jealous when you suddenly decide that you’ve had enough of me just because you and R. H. M. made up? Am I not supposed to be jealous?” He spat.

“Armadillo, I really wasn’t trying to lead you on. I swear. I just thought I could lean on you. You don’t know what your presence prevented me from doing. After all of my sessions where I saw Will, all I wanted to do was punish myself. I wanted to cut myself and beat myself. I wanted to die. I couldn’t ask R. H. M. He wouldn’t have helped me,” I told him.

“I’m glad I could help you, but you are wrong. If you had told him about your urges he would have come to support you himself.” He turned his head to pin me with an angry glare. “But you know that, don’t you? You know he would have come to watch over you.”

I looked away guiltily. “Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him? Why did you have to ask me?” He asked. “You could have asked anyone else, but you chose me, even knowing how I felt about you. Why would you do that?”

“How could I face him after what happened? I was embarrassed and hurt,” I admitted. “I wanted to heal from the pain that came from us breaking up. I thought that you were okay. I thought we were friends who trusted each other. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

He jerked his arm from around me, making me stumble forward a little. “But yet that tends to happen when the woman you love will never see you as anything more than a friend. I don’t understand why you are so into a man who can’t even admit to how he feels about you. I know how I feel and I’m not afraid to tell you.” He turned toward me. “I love you, Phoenix. I want to be what you need, but not like this. I can’t support you like this. Not anymore. I want to make sure you’re safe, I do, but I have to protect myself too. I don’t want to keep hurting because you can’t see what’s going on.”

“What did you say?” I whispered as I stared at him wide-eyed.

“You heard me, Phoenix. I won’t say it again. When you get over this crush or whatever it is with R.H.M., I’ll be here. But even with that being said, I need a few days. I need some space. Away from you. I hope you can understand that.”

I swallowed hard as I nodded. “I do.”

He gave a short, sharp nod before hurrying away from me, leaving me standing in place, completely devastated by our conversation. I walked slowly back to my house, thinking about how I could apologize to him. I was quickly finding out that I hated arguing with people I cared about, and I did care about Armadillo. Just not in the way he wanted me to care about him. I sighed as I opened my door to let Sugar out. She immediately ran downstairs to use the bathroom while I thought about how to fix this between me and Armadillo. I didn’t want him to be upset at me.

“Hey, Phoenix!” Rosemary sang as she skipped down the road to lean against my fence.

Sugar beat me to the gate, jumping up excitedly for Rosemary to pet her with one hand while keeping the small box clutched in her other hand high above Sugar’s head.

“Hey, Rose! How’s it going?” I asked.

“It’s going great! I saw that Armadillo didn’t come over so I figured that I would come over and show you how to make my famous brownies,” she breezed in as she walked through my gate.

I grinned at her as an idea crossed my mind. “Yes! Let’s do it.”

She beamed at me as she linked our arms together. “It’s going to be great.”

\*\*\*\*\*

Two hours later, the brownies were done, and Rosemary had gone home. I smiled at Sugar as I cut two huge brownies before wrapping them up in foil and putting the pan back in the oven to keep Sugar from eating them while I was gone. I walked out of the house, locking the door behind me before practically running down the road to Armadillo’s house. I knocked eagerly, stepping back to wait for him to answer. When he did, he frowned deeply at me.

“Phoenix, I thought you were giving me space.”

“I am. I promise. I just wanted you to have this while you were taking your space.” I held out the brownies to him. “Rosemary helped me make them for you. It was my first time making them ever,” I gushed.

His lips lifted up in a smile as he took them from me. “Your first time, huh?”

I nodded eagerly. “Yep! And there wasn’t anyone else that I wanted to share them with but you.”

“Is that so?” He asked. “Not even R. H. M.?”

“Nope! I’m going to go home and eat the rest of them. They are too good to share with R. H. M. They are so soft.” I winked. “Enjoy, and when you’ve had enough space, you can tell me how good they were.”

When I turned away to go home, he grabbed my hand. “Do you want to watch a movie tomorrow at some point, Phoenix?”

I smiled at him, nodding. “I’d like that, but only on one condition.”

“What condition?” He asked suspiciously.

“That we are okay. I don’t want to make things worse for you.”

He sighed as he squeezed my hand. “We are.”

“Okay, then I would love to watch a movie with you.”

He squeezed my hand one more time before letting me go. “Goodnight, Phoenix, and thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Armadillo. Good night.”

I mentally pumped my fist in the air. I felt better, having made up with him. I bounded back to my house, letting Sugar out before going inside to the bathroom. I closed my eyes before sighing, stealing up my courage before stripping my clothes off. After brushing my hair, I climbed into the shower, shivering when the cold water started running down over my body. I waited for it to warm up before washing my hair and body. When I was done, I let out a shaky breath before spreading my legs so I could reach between them to run my fingers along my slit, trembling when my stomach tightened a little.

Was I really about to do this? Would I do it as well as Brennan? I let my eyes close as I found the little nub that sent pleasure racing through my body. I gasped before pinching it again, reaching out to lean against the wall as my legs started to get weak. God, that felt good. I shifted so that my back was against the wall, keeping me upright as I continued to play with myself. I let my head drop back as I started to fantasize about Brennan touching me like this. It always felt so good and I wanted him to do it again. I moaned as I eased two fingers inside of myself.

“Oh!” I continued to finger myself while imagining him kneeling in front of me. A thought crossed my mind and I instantly cried out before I could change my mind. “Hey, Mister!”

I arched my back, spreading my legs more so it would be easier to see what I was doing. I just hoped that he wouldn’t stop watching when he realized what I was doing. I reached my other hand up to massage my breasts, adding to my pleasure. As my stomach began to coil, telling me that I was growing close to my climax, I began to rock my hips to my hand, moaning louder.

“Oh, oh! R. H. M.,” I cried out as my pussy clenched around my fingers.

My legs buckled and I hit the wet floor with a hard thud. I opened my eyes to look directly at the camera before breathlessly repeating, “R. H. M.”