Breaking the Rules

R.H.M.
I paced around the lobby while I waited for Leah and Ramira to come back. Leah was the first resident to both panic when the doors locked and be taken off site by Ramira. Most of them relaxed in a setting that they were used to. Locked doors represented someone else having control, and most of them took a long time to get used to the freedoms that the Garden of Eden offered.
They saw locked doors as safety and protection. Leah, on the other hand, had immediately jumped feet first into everything that we offered. I should have known that she would have reacted differently to locked doors. A noise outside the door had me hurrying towards it, eager to set my eyes on Leah. However, before I could make it to the door, it opened, and Nero breezed in. I mentally groaned as I forced a smile to grace my lips.
“Nero! What did I tell you about coming to the office unannounced?” I asked, trying to keep my temper from showing.
“I just wanted to see you, R.H.M. I missed you.”
Nero’s persistence in trying to start a relationship with me never bothered me because I didn’t look at her like that, so there was never a chance of me giving in to her. After Leah got drunk and told me that she only drank because she was jealous of Nero, I knew that I needed to make it clear that we would never be in a relationship. There was just something about Leah, and I knew that, without a doubt, I wasn’t going to give her a reason to want to leave again. I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Nero, listen-”
“Why do you call me Nero? We’re in private, and you know my name.” She leaned toward me to walk her fingers up my chest. “I just want to hear you say it once.”
I grabbed her elbow to move her backward away from me. “Nero, I need you to listen to me. You need to stop this. You know that it is against the rules for me to be involved with a member of our community. My only job is to make sure that Eden runs smoothly and everyone remains safe.”
She smiled at me flirtatiously. “Don’t you want to break the rules?”
I narrowed my eyes on her before leading her to the door. “You have an hour to pack your things, Nero. I will meet you at the gate with your vehicle.”
She stopped in her tracks to stare at me. “You’re throwing me out? Are you serious?”
“I have warned you several times, Nero. It is also in the handbook that was given to you upon your arrival. You have broken more than one rule during your stay here. You have completed your program, and now your time here is up. One hour, Nero. Please, don’t make me come after you.”
She yanked her arm out of my grasp before stomping away from me. I cursed silently. Fuck! Leah was driving me insane. Every time I thought she would do something to drive me away, she did the opposite. When she wrapped her arms around me this afternoon, all I wanted to do was pick her up and carry her back up to my office, where she would be safe for the rest of her life.
I shook my head as I locked the building before jogging to the parking lot at the furthest east end of the community behind a high fence that was perfectly made to blend in with the community fencing. I quickly made my way to the small white Volkswagen Beetle parked in the third row. I squatted beside it to grab the envelope that held the keys to it from under the vehicle. I drove it to the gates before getting out to wait for Nero, praying that she would show up.
A little while later, she appeared in the distance, walking slowly in my direction, fully dressed, and pulling a suitcase behind her. At her side was her golden retriever mixed elderly dog that she had chosen from our shelter. I let out a sigh of relief. I leaned into the vehicle to pull the envelope I put into her car out of the glovebox. I pocketed it before walking over to her to take her suitcase.
“I suppose it won’t change your mind if I say I am sorry and that I won’t do it again,” she asked quietly.
“I’m sorry, Nero, but no, it won’t.”
She sighed. “Well, I’m still sorry.”
“Forgiven. You’re going to be okay, Nero.”
“Yeah. ‘Okay.’ With no money, nowhere to go, and a living creature that’s solely dependent on me to provide for him.”
I put her bag in the trunk before pulling the envelope out of my pocket. I pulled the debit card and keys out of it.
“These are the keys to your new house and a card to your own personal account in which I placed $10,000. It’s yours. Nobody can touch it.” I held up the envelope. “This is the deed to your house and the directions to it. Mister will not leave you stranded. Good luck, Nero.”
She took the envelope from me as her eyes filled with tears. “Thank you.”
“You’ll be okay, Nero.”
I walked away from her to open the gate. She waved to me as she drove by. I nodded at her before closing the gate behind her. God, I was a mess over Leah. I had never enforced the rules by kicking out a member. I stuck my hands in my pockets, deciding to walk around the community while I waited for Leah and Ramira to get back.
*****
When I got back to my office hours later, Ramira and Dale were already inside, waiting for me. She was sitting on his lap with her face buried in his neck, while his hands moved over her back. I locked the door behind me as I entered. I stopped a few feet from them to lean against the wall.
“Where’s Leah?” I asked.
Ramira lifted her head to look at me, sniffling a little. “I’m fine. Thanks, brother.”
“Where is Leah?” I repeated, beginning to panic a little at her lack of answer to my question.
“She went back to her house. She was tired.”
“Is she okay? I mean emotionally.”
“She will be. She faced a lot of things today,” Ramira said sadly.
“Will you tell me how bad it is?”
“Diadra bad.”
I flinched upon hearing my wife’s name. “Don’t say her name!” I snapped.
“When are you going to forgive yourself, Brennan?”
“I don’t deserve forgiveness.”
She sighed. “Yes, you do, Brennan. You expect everyone to heal while you stay the same. What is it going to take to convince you to live again?” She asked.
Anger surged in my veins. “Get out of Eden, Ramira.”
She sighed as she stood up. “I love you, Brennan. You can’t continue going on like this.”
“I can, and I will. See yourself out!”
I didn’t wait for her response as I stormed toward the elevator. I knew that when I woke up in the morning, the first thing I would do was call her and apologize for yelling at her. It was the same argument every single time she tried to make me face my past. She didn’t know that I faced it every night, and every night it drowned me all over again. I sat at my desk and began to pull up the audio file that I listened to every night. My wrist beeped, and my eyes flew to it as Leah’s voice came through.
“R.H.M.?”
I pressed the button on the side to respond. “Yes, Phoenix?”
“I’m not sure if this is against the rules, but I really don’t want to be alone tonight. Can you come over and sleep next to me?”
I closed my eyes as the desire to do just that surfaced. I pressed the button again to respond.
“I can’t do that, Phoenix. It is against the rules,” I told her softly, wishing they were different so that I could do what she asked me to.
She sighed. “It’s okay. I figured it was. Goodnight, R.H.M.”
I tried to swallow down the lump that lodged in my throat. “Goodnight, Phoenix.” I let the button go before deploying it again. “Sweet dreams, okay?”
“You, too.”
I put my head down on my arm as my heart pounded in my chest. After taking several deep breaths, I turned my head to look at my computer screen. I stared at the file that I had opened, which was only waiting for me to push play. Half of the time, I wondered why I continued to torment myself, and the other half, I knew that it helped keep me determined to save as many people as I could. I shored up my resolve before pressing play, immediately blinking furiously as soon as I heard her voice.
“Brennan? Help me, please. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m so sorry. For everything. I’ll go to rehab. I’ll go to NA. I’ll get clean. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Please. I’m scared.” I closed my eyes in preparation for what came next. “Girls, tell Daddy we’re on the way home and that you love him.”
A tear ran down my face as my daughters’ voices immediately began to try to overtalk each other. I listened to them tell me that they loved me. The voicemail immediately cut off with the sound of metal crunching, breaking glass, and a lot of screaming. I started sobbing as the heartbreak, which was never far from the surface, made itself known. When my sobs finally slowed enough for me to breathe, I got to my feet. As per my usual routine, I would walk around the community until exhaustion put me down. I stuck my hands in my pockets as I began to walk around aimlessly and in no time, I found myself walking up a set of stairs and knocking on a door. When it was opened, I raised my eyes to meet hers.
“Hey, Princess. Is your offer to sleep next to you still open? I don’t want to be alone tonight either.”