Just Tell Me What To Do

Brennan

I threw a file across the room, wishing more than anything that I could focus on something other than Leah, who was out on yet another date with Armadillo. I was irritated that she had seen him morning, noon, and night every day for the last week. It was killing me to see her enjoying her time with a man that wasn’t me. I watched the video of when she found my portrait and letter. She had read the letter before rolling her eyes and crumpling it in her hand. She had pocketed it before carefully taking the portrait inside.

She set  it up on the bookshelf next to the other one I painted for her before going to Armadillo’s house to ask him to go for a walk. Every morning it was the same. A walk to the fountain where he had set up muffins and orange juice for them. Lunch was eaten at her house while dinner was eaten at his. It was driving me crazy. She wanted to know how I felt and I told her. Did it even matter how I felt? What was the point of even telling her that I cared if she was just going to throw it in my face that it wasn’t good enough? The only good thing about this whole thing was that she had told him that she was able to be in a relationship now, which made me wonder what she was waiting for.

I threw another file across the room before cursing loudly. Between Leah ignoring me and Joseph being shot, I was going crazy. I laid my head on the desk, groaning. I was glad that Joey was going to be okay and that he was awake now, but I was still furious about why he had been shot. Amber needed to die. Madison was her daughter and she tried to have her killed. I hope that Joseph and Caleb had the bitch killed in jail. I had been keeping tabs on Maddie during this whole process. It gave me a much needed distraction from what was going on with Leah. I cursed under my breath.

Speaking of Leah. I pressed the button on my computer to allow the elevator to open up so she could come up to my office. I was more than a little shocked that she was actually here to see me, but the way she wrung her hands on the ride up made me more than a little worried. When she stopped off the elevator, I eyed her with hooded eyes.

“Hello, Phoenix.”

“Hello, R. H. M.,” she repeated back to me.

“How can I help you?” I asked, trying not to let my excitement shine through until I knew what she wanted.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said, avoiding my eyes.

“Okay. What is it?” I inquired as I began to shuffle through irrelevant papers on my desk.

When she didn’t answer immediately, I glanced up to see her gathering the files that I threw. She brought them over to me, setting them down in front of me. I reached out to snag her wrist before she could pull back.

“Leah,” I whispered.

She looked down at her wrist before slowly raising her eyes to mine. “How does it work, R. H. M.?” She asked.

“How does what work?” I inquired, stroking her soft skin with my index finger.

“The certificate? Do I just say, ‘here, I got this piece of paper. Let’s date. I choose you?’”

“If that’s what you want to do,” I said slowly as my heart sped up excitedly.

She pulled her wrist away from mine. “Thank you.”

I jumped to my feet as she spun around to walk back to the elevator. “Leah, wait!”

“I can’t. I have a date.”

I rushed over to her, grabbing her arm to stop her from getting on the elevator. “Just wait! We need to talk.”

“We just did! There’s nothing left to say,” she told me.

“Dammit, Leah–”

“Phoenix,” she corrected me.

“Phoenix,” I spat. “Why did you really come in? You didn’t have to come here to ask me that. You could have asked through the watch.”

“I know, but for some weird reason, I thought maybe you would offer me something other than that,” she said, gesturing to my desk. “But it’s okay. I get it. We’re in person. And you can’t do ‘in person.’ Always hiding behind your art or a piece of paper.” She yanked her arm away from me as she stepped onto the elevator. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’d rather be with someone that I’ll never care about in that way, but can tell me how he feels than be with someone who–” She took a deep breath. “Who can’t.”

I stared at the doors for a second after they closed before spinning around to run down the stairs to the lobby. I burst through the door to the stairs, starling Leah who spun around to look at me.

“What are you doing, R. H. M.?” She asked.

I reached out to gently take her in my arms. “What you said up there, isn’t true, Phoenix. I do care about you. I care about you very much. I don’t know how else to show you that I do. I have done everything I can to–”

“I know. Show me,” she said as she pulled herself away from me again. She touched my cheek for a moment before taking a step back. “And that right there is the problem. I have a date.”

“Leah, please, give me–”

“Another chance?” She laughed. “Just one more. That’s all it’s going to be, R. H. M. One more chance to hurt me. One more chance to break my heart. What about me and my chances? Don’t I deserve a chance to have someone want me for everything I offer? Don’t I deserve a chance to be more than just a warm body? Or are you only that one that deserves a chance?”

“Leah, it’s not–”

“Like that, I know. And I have already told you that my name is Phoenix.”

“Phoenix–”

“I’m talking to him in the morning, and there’s nothing that you can say that will change my mind,” she said before walking out of the door.

My cell phone started to ring, making me yell angrily as I pulled it out of my pocket to answer it.

“Yes, Ramira? Is this important or can I call you back? I am in the middle of something important,” I ground out.

“Actually, it is. What are you doing tomorrow?” She asked.

“Finding a way to keep from losing Leah,” I told her, making her groan.

“For fuck’s sake, Brennan!” She snapped. “You and that woman are so bad for each other!”

“Excuse me?” I snarled. “Weren’t you the one who was encouraging me to open up? Matter of fact, make that encourage both of us to open up?”

“YES! BUT ENCOURAGING YOU OPEN UP THE RIGHT WAY! YOU TWO ARE THE MOST STUBBORN ASSHOLES THAT I KNOW! IF YOU TWO WERE TO LISTEN TO ME, YOU WOULD ALREADY BE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE! SO, DO NOT BLAME ME FOR YOUR LACK OF RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! THAT IS ALL ON YOU, BUDDY!”

I pulled the phone away from my ear to stare at the phone before putting it back against my ear. “And pray tell, sister, what do I do to make her understand how I feel? I wrote her a letter and–”

“A letter? You wrote a fucking letter? That’s where you messed up. How many times does she have to beg you to tell her to her face? That’s what she wants. She can’t be any clearer about what she needs or wants from you. Stop being you, Brennan. Try to open your ears. Don’t just hear what she is telling you. Actually listen, and absorb it. If you want her, that’s how you get her. Don’t just ignore what she says. She is literally telling you exactly what she wants. Do you know how many people would kill to have a partner that is so open with them? God, brother! Wake up! She’s trying. The least you can do is meet her halfway.”

“So what do you suggest?” I asked angrily. “Tell me, oh mighty Ramira, what in the hell to do. You can tell me anything and I would fucking do it, because obviously all I know how to do is fuck up.”

“Why now, Brennan? Why are you willing to listen to me now?”

I closed my eyes, pressing my fingers into them. “Because she is asking Armadillo to be her boyfriend in the morning. If I’m going to save this, I have to do it tonight.”

She sighed. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I will say that your presence is being requested tomorrow.”

“For what?” I asked curiously.

“Joey’s wedding. He’s moved it up. And don’t tell Maddie. It’s a surprise,” she ordered.

“I won’t.” I hesitated for a second before saying, “Ramira, do you think it would be–”

“Plans change, Brennan. So do RSVPs. He’s your brother. I’ll let him know she’ll take the chicken dish,” she interrupted me.

“Thanks, Mira.”

“Don’t thank me. You forget I know Leah. This is as much for her as it is for you. Don’t fuck it up again, Brennan. I won’t give you any more clues. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mira, wait! What about–”

“I’ll have clothes for her, and Caleb has your tuxedo. You can get ready at my house. Be safe. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I rolled my eyes as I hung up. I was sick of being interrupted. I smiled as I pocketed my phone, but if it meant I got another chance to make things right between Leah and I, I was going to take it. And this time, I was going to try to do it right. There was too much on the line to fuck it up again.