The Cheating Adulterer
I sighed as I leaned back in my chair at my desk. It had been three days since Leah and I had been back at Eden after the wedding, but we hadn’t seen each other. Well, she hadn’t seen me. I had spent countless hours watching her. She had spent some time with Armadillo, but it was obvious that their relationship was different. Gone were the romantic touches and light flirtation. Gone were the triple date days and occasional spending of the night. I was happy but I was also anxious over her lack of seeking me out. Had she changed her mind about me? God, I certainly hoped not, because I sure hadn’t changed my mind about her. My phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Brennan! Oh my God, I was so worried! Are you okay?” Diana asked.
I blinked in surprise. This was just what I needed, Diadra’s best friend resurfacing in my life to throw a wrench into my healing process. Why was she calling me now after not speaking to me for almost a decade? Was something wrong?
“I’m fine. How are you?” I inquired politely, knowing that I shouldn’t ask her what I really wanted to, which was: What do you want?
“I’m better now! When your monthly check didn’t come, I thought something happened to you,” she told me, making me roll my eyes.
Of course that was why she called. Just like Diadra, Diana only cared about money. I had only kept giving her the thousand dollars a month that Diadra gave her, because I felt guilty over Diadra’s death. I thought I was to blame for taking Diana’s kids’ ‘aunt’ away from them, but working with Ramira had lessened that guilt. It wasn’t gone, and I knew it never would be, but it was getting bearable.
“I know you didn’t get it. I canceled the monthly deposits into your account,” I informed her.
“And you didn’t think you should pick up the phone to call me to tell me that?” She snapped. “Diadra would have! Actually, if Diadra was still here, we wouldn’t be having this discussion,” she snapped.
And there it was. The guilt trip that immediately sent a sharp pain into my chest. “You are correct, Diana. If she was still here, we would not be having this conversation. However, she is not alive. You have been more present after she passed, then you were in the months that led up to her death. You cannot expect me to continue to send you money when we haven’t spoken in years. Money, mind you, that Diadra is not alive to access or lay claim to. You can continue to guilt trip me, but it is not going to work. Not anymore.”
“What is wrong with you, Brennan? This is not the man that Diadra fell in love with,” she snapped.
“Let’s be honest for a change, Diana. Diadra didn’t love me. At least not like I loved her,” I retorted.
“Loved?” She snorted. “You didn’t love her. You were obsessed. She was afraid of you. That’s why she kept doing drugs!”
“Obsessed? I was not obsessed. I would have and did do everything I could for her. I was not the reason that she continued to do drugs. You are! And her family is! She couldn’t truly love me because she was too focused on you and them. All she ever wanted was to be loved by you all, and every single day you proved to her that you never would. Instead of supporting her, you turned your back on her when she needed you the most.”
“Who are you right now?” Diana snarled. “Whatever changes you made, you need to change back. This bastard that you’re being is not the sweet, rule-abiding, intelligent man Diadra loved.”
I rolled my eyes. “Didn’t you just say that I was the reason for her doing drugs? If that’s true, why would she love me if I was so bad?”
“Because she did! She thought you were reliable. Consistent, even. She knew she could count on you to handle everything. You paid the bills, took care of the kids, and spoiled her. She loved you so much.”
“She loved my money and what it could get her. Her ‘love’ was never about me, but what I could offer her. And you dare to speak about our children? You barely even saw them for their birthday. I would bet every single cent in my bank account that you don’t even remember their names.” I tapped my fingers on the top of my desk as I waited for her to answer. When she didn’t, I scoffed, “That’s what I thought.”
“Brennan, just send the money. I need it. Don’t be like this. You always take care of people in need. You’re a good man who holds himself to a higher standard than other people. A standard that makes you better than them.”
“No! I will not send you any more money. I am trying to move on. I suggest you do the same,” I told her.
“Move on?” She repeated. “Do you have a woman in your life?”
“Yes,” I answered honestly. “And I won’t let you keep me living in the past. She deserves better than that.”
“Oh this is rich! Now it makes sense. You’re just an adulterer! Cheating on your wife and breaking all your vows. Diadra would never have loved this version of you! She’s better off dead than to be here to see your descent from the good, honest, just man to this lowlife you are now. No one will ever love you again. Not even this slut you’re with now. She’s just using you.”
My chest tightened even more as my hand gripped the phone tighter. “Goodbye, Diana. Do not contact me again,” I said sternly before hanging up.
I laid my face on the desk, closing my eyes as I thought about what she said. She was right. I had changed. I was always very strict about obeying rules and taking care of people around me. I always held myself to the boundaries of society in all regards. A man was supposed to be an honest, kind, responsible, and loyal husband that provided for his family. Was she right about my relationship with Leah? Was I betraying Diadra’s memory by being with her? And more importantly, was she just using me like Diadra had?
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