Things That Run In The Family

Brennan

I paced back and forth in my office angrily. Why couldn’t she see that I didn’t deserve her quick forgiveness? Why did she have to be okay with what I did? I wasn’t. So she shouldn’t be either. I knew that she was pulling at every straw she could to get me to stay by saying she loved me, but I needed to decompress. When she told me that she loved me, it took me back to when Diadra used to tell me that she loved me just to end or win fights. I was a mess. I had spent hours crying and raging in my office after I left Leah. I didn’t want to walk away from her. I wanted to stay. God, how I wanted to stay. I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that I loved her too, but I was even less sure now if I could trust how she felt. I wish she would have told me differently. The way she chose to tell me and her quick acceptance of what I had done had caused more of a worry than anything else could have. I hated that I wasn’t sure. I hated that I doubted her. I hated that I doubted myself.

“FUCK!” I yelled as I punched the wall, grunting when my fist went through it. “Great, now I have to patch a hole,” I grumbled.

I needed to get out of Eden. I needed space. I needed to think without her around me. I wanted nothing more than to go back to her house and take her in my arms and hold her every day for the rest of my life. But she had told me not to come back if I left. I had left. I wasn’t sure if she meant what she said, but I was too much of a coward to push the issue. And I hated that more than anything. I lashed out because I was a coward. I ran away because I was a coward. I left last night because I was a coward. Being a coward cost me everything. Every single fucking time that I told myself I was going to stop being a coward, when the opportunity arose to stand by my decision, I failed. Over and over and over again. No wonder I wasn’t good enough. I never would be if I kept this up.

I sat down behind my desk to pull up the camera system to check to see if Leah was anywhere around my office before I left. I had been hiding in my office for the last 24 hours, praying that I wouldn’t see her. I was too afraid of what would happen if I did see her. Would she ignore me? Would she pretend like I didn’t exist? Would she yell at me? Tell me that she hated me and she wished that I would die or go to hell? Or would she do the worst thing I could imagine? Treat me like an associate that didn’t matter? I couldn’t see her in passing and just nod and say, “Hello, Phoenix. How are you today?”

It was so fucking weak to say that to the love of my life. Especially considering I knew exactly what she was going to do. She was going to run back to Armadillo, and he was going to be gladly glued to her side. I hated that I had been the one to pretty much shove her into his arms. I hated that he cared about her so strongly. I loathed that in this race for her heart, I had eliminated myself because I had to be a fucking coward. I shook my head to clear the thoughts that were racing through it so I could find Leah, groaning immediately when I located her in Armadillo’s arms in her bed, just like I knew she would be.

“FUCK!”

It took everything in me not to put my fist through my screen. I hated seeing her lying so comfortably in his arms like she belonged there. I hated even more that she was sobbing hysterically. And I knew it was all my fault. I climbed to my feet, sighing. I couldn’t do this. I needed to leave. I needed to get away from Eden before I stormed all the way to her house and yanked her out of his arms. I stormed out of my building before jogging to the car that I left just outside of the gates of Eden. I climbed in, started the car before glancing over my shoulder to make sure the gates closed behind me, and sped off. I had no idea where I was going, but the last time I just took off, I ended up somewhere I needed to be. Not that it did much good, because I immediately fell back into my cowardice.

I drove for hours before I had to stop for gas. As I pumped it, I looked around, sighing when I recognized the area I was in. I guess I should have known better. The old saying was true: ‘You always find your way home.’ I was about an hour outside of the city I grew up in. I didn’t know why I was here, but I was going to find out. Maybe I would just relax for a few days and go back in a better mindspace. I needed to figure out what I was going to do about Leah. I couldn’t just let her go. I knew what she said, and as much as I wanted to respect her wishes, I couldn’t. I would give her some time and space, but eventually I was going to go back and make her mine again. Or at least I hoped I could.

I groaned when I pulled up in front of my brother’s house. It made sense. Joey was married to Maddie now, and Ramira had Dale. It would be wrong to intrude on their relationships. Now, Caleb, on the other hand, always had a floozy in his bed, but none of them were serious. I just hoped he didn’t have one of the floozies in his bed tonight. Not that I planned to occupy his time. I just wanted to be alone. Away from Eden. Away from Leah. I sighed when Caleb wandered out onto the patio, eyeing me curiously. When I didn’t immediately get out of the car, he leaned against the railing with his ankles crossed, content to wait for me to go to him. After about ten minutes, I turned my car off before climbing out.

“Troubles with the missus?” He joked.

I froze halfway up the stairs as sadness filled me. I lowered my head in shame, unable to say anything to him. What could I say? That I was everything I was accused of being? A lying, cheating bastard.

“Oh, shit, Brennan. You are having problems with Leah. What happened? Is she okay? Are you okay?” He fired off questions so fast that I didn’t want to answer.

I shook my head. “Can I just crash here for a few days? I need to get my head back on right,” I told him, lifting my hand to the back of my neck to massage it. “I’m sorry to bother you so late. I know you probably have company, but I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Of course you can stay here, brother. You can stay as long as you need to. Just promise me something.”

“Sure. If I can, I will,” I said.

“Promise that when you get your head together, you will go back to Eden and marry Leah. I know you love her with everything in you.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can do that. I fucked up, Caleb. Really badly. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me.”

He patted my shoulder before turning around. “She will. Someone who loves someone the way that woman loves you isn’t going to leave you. Once she gets over whatever stupid thing you did this time, she will be with you again. Just when that happens, don’t fuck up again, okay? Both of our sisters really like her. And while we may be openly violent and even look like we could put people on their asses, Maddie and Ramira are surprise terrorists. Don’t piss them off. Get it together and go home and tell Leah how much you love and need her.” He paused to shudder. “And now Maddie is pregnant. Joey won’t hesitate to kill for her. Even his own brother if he upset his wife enough.”

I frowned at his retreating back as I followed him inside. “Joey is not a killer. He’s not like you. Hell, I’m not even like you. You’re the only one that would kill someone.”

He glanced at me over his shoulder. “He’s killed someone before over Maddie, Brennan. When it comes to her, he has no sense. She’s the only person in this world that matters to him. Believe it or not, he won’t hesitate to kill you either. Not over her. And as for you not being like me too, just wait until Leah is threatened. You already had me take that one bitch and drop her off in South America. What would you do if the threat was more threatening?”

His words hung in the air. Not that they needed to. I knew what I would do. I would kill without a second thought if it meant I could protect Leah. Maybe I was more like my brothers than I thought. It didn’t surprise me that ran in our family too…