Brotherly Lecture

“We were talking about books. If you had any fucking common sense, you would fucking know that whatever your stupid fight was about, she still fucking cares about you. You are so stupid that you want to keep holding onto Diadra and Janice, even when you have a woman in front of you who wants to be everything to you. You are the biggest idiot in the world, Brennan. That woman, the one who just poured her heart out to me, wants to be there for you. SHe wants to help you. She wants to show you that love doesn’t have to hurt, but you won’t let her in. Take it from someone who knows how it feels!
Every fucking time that Madison leaves my sight, I wonder if it’s going to be the last time I see her. Every time she goes out with Marland or Mallory, I wonder if she’s lying. I wonder if she’s really out there sleeping around. And all of that is because of Amber! Madison has never given me a reason to distrust her. She has never done anything to hurt me! And day by day, it gets a little easier. I have to remind myself a million times a day that Madison is not Amber. They are not the same.” He stormed up to me to poke me in the chest.
“Just like Leah is not Diadra or Janice, she is Leah! If you ever want to be fucking happy again, let her in! A woman doesn’t just show up out of nowhere and want to save the savior, Brennan.” He poked me harder, and I instantly knew it was going to bruise. “A broken woman doesn’t try to fix another human unless she is pure. She cries and doesn’t know what to do, but she chooses to forge ahead. You want to say that I am attracted to her because of her age?” He paused to give an almost hysterical bark of laughter before continuing with his angry speech.
“You are so fucking wrong! I only want Madison. Do I like Leah? Hell yes, I do! Want to know why? Because she reminds me of Maddie. Maddie went through hell when she was gone. It has taken her some time, but she wants to be loved. She wants to be loved by me, which I intend to do for the rest of my life. A woman like that deserves to be loved by a good man. If you can’t be that for Leah, walk the fuck away. Don’t let her have any doubts about how you feel. I have not always been the most observant person when it comes to people outside of my clientele, but Maddie has taught me a lot. Every fucking movement tells a story. Every word is a hundred.” He jabbed his thumb in the direction that Leah had gone.
“And that woman, only God knows why, wants you. She could have chosen any of the men here, but she didn’t. You either choose to trust her or you don’t. But either way, get your shit together.” He straightened his now wrinkled shirt, glaring at me. “Now, with that said, did you finish the portrait? I want to get the fuck out of here before I really hurt you!”
I narrowed my eyes on him, not knowing how to respond. I hated this version of Joey. The Joey that was on edge and would without a doubt fight someone, and that someone at the moment was me. I knew he was right and I already felt guilty over my accusation. It hadn’t been my intention, it just came out during my jealous fit of rage. I sighed as I nodded.
“Yeah, it’s done. I’ll go get it.”
I went up onto the porch, looking around for the portrait, and upon not seeing it I walked back inside to find it leaning against the wall. I let out a relieved breath that Caleb had carefully put it down. I would have hated to do it over again. When I came back out, my brothers fell silent with Joey glaring at me as if he was daring me to say something else. I walked past him, carrying the portrait to the gate, thinking about what he said. I really had to fix this before I really lost control, and not just with an outsider, but Armadillo, as he was currently my only competition when it came to Leah. At the car, Joey took the painting from me to carefully place it on the car, belting it to the seat to keep it in place. Caleb shook my hand again, nodding at me before getting in the car. I tensed as I turned toward Joey with my hand outstretched. He ignored me.
“I would advise you to fix this, Brennan. Leah seems like a sweetheart. It’s okay to love her. It’s okay to move on. It’s time.”
I stuck my hands in my pockets. “I know it is, but it’s hard.”
“I know, brother. Take your time and go slow. I don’t think Leah is just going to just rush into things or pressure you to do more than you are ready for. I can see that you care about her. Don’t lose what could be because you’re afraid,” he told me softly.
I nodded, unable to respond verbally. I knew he was right. I was too caught up in my fear to pull her close, but too afraid to lose her to not want her close. My emotions were both disastrous and hopeful. He finally got in the car, and Caleb drove off. As I turned around to go back to my office, my phone dinged, and I pulled it out to look at the notification. My face broke out into a smile when I saw the delivery truck driving down the street. I waited almost giddily for the truck to arrive at the gate. I couldn’t be more ready to present them to Leah, and beg for her forgiveness.
When the delivery guy hopped out of the truck, I bounded over to him. In mere minutes, three large boxes had been placed just inside the gate. I rubbed my hands together as the gate closed behind me. I felt like a little kid in a candy store. I hoped this would get me back in her good graces, where I desperately wanted to be.
I went to the shed beside the gate to grab the wagon. I loaded the boxes into it before heading down the street toward her house, humming the lullaby. When I arrived at her house, I jogged up the stairs to knock eagerly on her door, shifting my weight anxiously. When she didn’t answer after a few minutes of Sugar’s barking, I sighed. She wasn’t home. I glanced back at the boxes in the wagon. I would leave them for her to find and pray that she reached out to me.
I carried them all up onto the porch before pulling my pocket knife out to open them. I dug around in the box that had the dog stuff in it to find a distraction for Sugar. I slowly unlocked the door with my master key before carefully opening the door. I held up the bone as Sugar charged at me, growling. I tossed the bone to her and it landed right in front of her. She glared at me for a moment before cautiously lowering her head to sniff the bone with her eyes glued on me. I gave a silent shout of victory when she picked up the bone and walked away to chew on it.
I quickly got all of the boxes set up on her kitchen counter before going back to the wagon to get one of the envelopes and cards I kept there for when I made deliveries around Eden. I went back into the kitchen, keeping one eye on Sugar as I scrawled a quick message to Leah. After reading it, I sighed before adding an P.S. I needed her to understand how sorry I truly was. Once I was satisfied with the little note, I put the card in the envelope and left the house, locking it behind me.
I went back to my office to shower. Painting was messing and once paint dried on my skin, I got itchy. It wasn’t terrible, but it was bad enough for me to desperately want it off my skin. After showering, I laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling above me. I wanted to check the cameras to see if Leah had arrived home to find my presents, but was too afraid of her rejecting them to actually look at it. As I started to doze off, my watch beeped before Leah’s voice came through it.
“R.H.M.?”
I sat straight up, starting to panic at the breathlessness in her voice. “Phoenix? Are you alright? Where are you?” I asked, already getting up to go to her.
“Can you come over?”
“Yes. I’ll be right there. Stay put!” I ordered as I entered the hidden stairwell. “Please, be okay. Please.”