Revelations and Mixed Emotions!

As soon as I stepped out of my office, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket to call Ramira. My jaw remained clenched tightly until she picked up.
“Brennan, are you alright?”
“Did you reach out to Patterson like I asked you to?” I asked.
“Yes. I was going to call you later. He said just tell him a day and he will be there. I–”
“Tomorrow. I want to do it tomorrow,” I said, cutting her off and making her huff agitatedly.
“What happened, Brennan? Why do you sound like that?”
“Darcy went too far. I am not going to keep allowing her to disrespect Phoenix. I don’t want her here. Caleb said that she is an actress. It makes sense. But I won’t allow that type of behavior or person here. It would ruin more than one healing journey. She has to go,” I spat.
“Ah, so that’s what this is about. Did something else happen besides what happened the other night?” Ramira inquired.
“She was telling Phoenix to go home to Will and that’s not fucking happening,” I snarled. “She deserves more than that and then today–fuck! Today, Darcy has kept bothering me all day and then when I was working with Phoenix on her VR session, Darcy–ugh! She just has to go,” I told her.
“You are so in love with Leah, brother,” she teased.
“I know I am. I–” I froze the second the words left my mouth.
Ramira sucked in breath before going completely silently. I cursed under breath before running my fingers through my hair.
“Can you say something, Mira, because I’m fucking freaking out right now!”
“Well, I need a moment. That shocked the hell outta me. So, you’re admitting, at least to yourself, that you love her? That’s new.”
“Yeah, for both of us,” I grumbled. “Also, that’s not really helpful.”
“I’m a psychiatrist, Brennan, not a miracle worker. Have you been doing your exercises?”
“No. How in the hell are those going to help me?”
“You really need to just do what I told you. I will help. Now, about Leah, you need to tell her.”
My chest immediately tightened at the thought of saying *that* word to Leah. I shook my head. “I can’t. Even if I feel it, I can’t tell her.”
“You need to or you might lose her. And then where will you be? Alone all over again without a hope in the world. So, suck it up, put your big boy panties on, and say, ‘Leah, I love you.’”
“I don’t wear ‘panties.’”
I could almost hear her eyes roll at my avoidance of the last part of her sentence, but I couldn’t. I already wanted to run away and hide in my closet. I’d have been fine to never come out again.
“I will speak to Patterson and have him meet us tomorrow. Where are you going to go?”
“Probably to Caleb’s office. He said the bikers he uses have a bar there and I have a job for them,” I said, still avoiding the topic of loving Leah.
“Alright. What time?”
“Say 3 PM?” I said.
“Fine. I’ll see you then. Oh, and brother?”
“Yes, Mira?” I asked hesitantly.
“We will be discussing this matter tomorrow when you can’t run away. But just so you know, that’s a lot of progress and I am so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
I hung the call up, stuck the phone back in my pocket, and kept heading toward the Adams’ house. I couldn’t afford to dwell in my panic. I needed to get this over with and hurry back to explain to Leah why I ran out on her. I knocked loudly on the door before pushing it open a little, holding the doorknob to keep it from being pulled open from the other side.
“Darcy?” I called out. “Are you dressed?”
I was used to seeing nude females walking around Eden. None of theirs bothered me in the slightest, but Darcy’s just felt wrong. And after the bullshit she just pulled, I knew her nudity wasn’t because she was finally comfortable with her own body. It was to entice someone and I was the wrong man to try to entice. I only wanted Leah. And by the time I left the house, she would know it. She peered on the other side of the door, still completely naked. I immediately turned my head away from her.
“Get dressed and come out onto the porch. I want to talk to you about something,” I told her.
She coquettishly ran a finger down her chest. “Why don’t you come in?”
“Because I don’t want to. Get dressed.”
I shut the door before walking back down the stairs to pace while I waited for her. What in the hell was I going to do? I had known for a long time that she was the one I wanted. She was the one that I was willing to heal for in order to be worthy of her, but love? I had fallen before I even knew that I was heading in that direction. Or maybe I knew but was just avoiding putting a name to it because of what I knew would happen if I told her. Fuck! This was a disaster.
“What did you want to talk about?” Darcy asked as she bounded the stairs.
“I’m taking you to see a doctor tomorrow,” I told her calmly, holding up my hand to silence her. “There is nothing you can say to get out of it. You either go with me to see him, or I escort you to the edge of Eden and leave you to your own devices. Am I understood?”
“Yes,” she said a little angrily.
“With that being said, I want you to know that I am not interested in you. All this touching me, flirting, and that little show you put on a little bit ago is completely wasted on me. I have a woman. I do not want another one.”
“Are you with Leah?” She questioned me.
“No. It’s none of your business who I am with. Knowing that I’m with someone should be enough of a warning to leave me alone. I will not allow her to be disrespected,” I almost yelled.
She rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she huffed. “I’ll go with you tomorrow.”
“Good. We are leaving at 8 AM. I will come get you. Be packed and ready to go. I know Rosemary brought you some things.”
“Fine.”
“You are not to leave your house. And more importantly, you are not to activate the camera system unless you actually need something important. It’s not meant for you to ask me what time it is or just to chat.” I paused to pin her with a furious look. “And it is definitely not meant for you to masturbate in front of while you’re moaning my name,” I hissed.
The corner of her mouth lifted briefly before she managed to school it into an innocent look. “Oh, did you see that?”
“You know I did, because you did it on purpose. I didn’t watch it. As soon as I walk away from this house tonight, I am not coming back. I am not off duty except for emergencies. So if there is anything that you might need, tell me now.”
She held my gaze for a moment before shaking her head. “No. I think I’m okay.”
“Good. 8 AM, Darcy. The decision will be made tomorrow if you are allowed to stay or not. Go inside.”
I waited for her to go inside before glancing around. Leaves rustled to my left and I zeroed in on it, catching a glimpse of Taco. I nodded in his direction before turning on my heel to go back to my office. As soon as I stepped off the elevator, I zeroed in on a chair that had been wedged under the doorknob of my closet. I made a note to ask her about it as I headed toward the bedroom to find her, immediately frowning when she wasn’t in there. I ran down the hallway to the main office as worry filled me. When she wasn’t in the office either, dread filled me as I beelined for the closet. She wouldn’t. She didn’t. Lord, please don’t have gone in there. It was too small and Leah was terrified of being locked in small spaces. All my hope died when I saw the strings attached to the chair. Fuck!
I pulled the chair away from the door so I could open it. I didn’t even hesitate to pick an anxious Leah up, cradling her close to my chest as I carried her into the bathroom. I set her on the counter before going over to the cabinet to pull out supplies to clean her self-inflicted wounds while fury pulsed in my veins. The last thing I grabbed was a sedative. I turned back toward her, growing even angrier when her head was down and I could see tears dripping off of her eyelashes.
“What in the hell were you doing?” I almost growled at her as I began to clean her fingertips.
It was obvious that she had panicked and started scratching at the door in an attempt to get out of the closet. Once her fingers were taken care of, I moved on to the scratches along her arms. When I picked up the sedative, she whimpered, pulling her arm away from me. I grabbed it before pushing the needle into her arm, and deploying the plunger. She raised her eyes to mine.
“What is that?” She asked.
I stepped back to fold my arms angrily over my chest. “What in the hell were you thinking?” I retorted.
She lowered her head again and I reached over to force her chin back up. “What were you thinking?” I repeated for the third time.
“I-I needed to be punished so I punished myself,” she whispered.
“Punished? For what?”
“Because I failed you. I wasn’t enough and you left me to be with Darcy,” she said, looking away from me in shame.
“You think–you– me and Darcy?” I spat. “I am not interested in Darcy, Leah. She purposely triggered the cameras with her legs spread open and from what I could read from her lips she was moaning my name. I only went over there to tell her I was not interested and that tomorrow I was taking her to see Ramira. I didn’t do anything with her. I don’t want to do anything with her.”
Her gaze snapped back to mine. “How can you be sure that you don’t?”
“Because I l–” I grunted angrily when I couldn’t quite say the words that burned in my throat. I wished I could. I knew that if I could, it would make her sure of how I felt. “Because you’re the only one that makes my dick hard, Leah. You’re who I want,” I finished lamely.
She searched my face, her eyes moving slowly. “I am?”
I nodded. “Yes, princess. It’s just you. You’re the only thing I want. I promise.”
“I’m sorry, R. H. M. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
I walked back over to her to wrap my arms around her. “It’s okay, baby. I will help you through this. I will help you through everything. You just have to talk to me about how you feel.”
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll try.”
“Now, I’m going to take you to bed. That sedative is going to knock you on your ass soon, and I want you to already be in bed.”
“Okay.”
I picked her up to carry her to bed. Before I could step away, she caught my hand. “Lay with me, R. H. M. Please.”
I sighed as I climbed into bed next to her and linked our fingers together. “Promise me that you won’t punish yourself anymore. There is nothing that you have to punish yourself for.”
She didn’t respond as she ran her fingers up and down my arm for a moment. “Alright. I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask, baby. Rest.”
I kissed her neck before wrapping myself tightly around her. I held her tightly until she drifted off before carefully getting out of bed to head into the main office to the ‘handyman’ closet where all my tools were stored. I wasn’t going to give her another chance to pull the shit she just did. I may not be able to tell her that I loved her, but I was for damned sure going to show her.