Useful Rage

As Rose and Maddie wandered off toward the kitchen, playfully bickering, I went up to Miri to hug her. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m nervous and scared. Is everyone going to want to touch me?” She asked.

“No, honey. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to stop Maddie from grabbing you. She didn’t mean anything by it. She’s just so affectionate,” I told her.

She swallowed hard. “Nathan said there were going to be men.”

“There will be, but I promise you that it’s going to be okay.”

She glanced over her shoulder at Nathan. “You will stay with me, right?”

He nodded as he took her hand. “I promise.”

I didn’t miss the way she immediately linked their fingers together. I smiled softly at her.

“Would you like a brownie?”

She nodded shyly. “Yes.”

“Come on.”

I led them to the kitchen, pausing when she stopped to pet all of the dogs before continuing. As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, I knew she was going to have a difficult time. Dale, Joey, and Armadillo were all inside. The back door opened, and Caleb walked in, putting his phone in his pocket. Miriela gasped loudly behind me, and I spun around, reaching for her, but she was already hiding behind Nathan, clinging to his arm. All movements ceased in the kitchen, and Rose’s laughter faded out. Taco came in from the other entrance, clearing his throat.

“Guys, can I get your help out here?” He asked, and every single male hurried out of the room.

Nathan turned around to take Miriela in his arms, talking to her quietly as he tried to calm her down, while I went over to the stove to cut her a piece of brownie. Once I set it on a paper towel, I carried it over to her, smiling softly as I held it out to her.

“What do you see?” I asked.

“Wh-what?”

“What do you see?” I repeated, handing her the weirdly cut brownie.

She looked down at it, staring at it hard before relaxing slightly. “It’s a fish. Like the big ugly goldfish that Mrs. Leeman used to have in her biology class.”

I smiled at her as I broke a small piece off it before popping it into my mouth. “Mr. Goldy was an extremely ugly goldfish,” I giggled. I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Come meet my other bridesmaids.”

I took her hand, gently tugging her over to the other women in the room, but not away from Nathan. “This is Leisha. She’s dating Armadillo, and I’m really hoping that I’ll be her bridesmaid, because they are perfect for each other. This is Kendra. She’s amazing too. She’s not dating anyone. Not even Caleb. He was the one on the phone outside. The one that was standing behind Maddie is Joey. He’s Maddie’s husband. And then you know R. H. M. Armadillo was the one behind Leisha, by the way. This is Ramira. She is with Dale. He was the one looking in the fridge. And this is Jane. She is like a mother to all of us. She’s a little crazy, but we all love her. Everyone, this is Dream, my best friend,” I told them, lifting our joined hands.

They all greeted her, making sure to keep their voices low and even-toned. After she nodded shyly, stepping behind Nathan more, Brennan poked his head around the corner.

“I’m sorry to intrude, but are you ladies ready?”

We all nodded, except for Miriela, who was completely behind Nathan now. He sighed. “Joey thinks that we should all get in our cars and leave before Dream goes outside to get in hers. We’ll all meet there and do our activity.”

The other women quickly dispersed, leaving me, Brennan, Nathan, and Miriela alone in the kitchen. Brennan smiled softly at her as she stepped out from behind Nathan a little.

“Hey, Dream. I just wanted you to know that I am so proud of you for coming. This is a really big step, and we are all here for you if you need us,” he told her.

She buried her face in Nathan’s arm, whispering, “Thank you.”

He nodded before holding his hand out to me. “Come on, baby.”

I took his hand, smiled at MIriela, and walked out with Brennan at my side. After we got in the car, Nathan led Miriela out of the house, only stopping to lock the house before taking her to the car. Nathan followed Brennan out of the driveway, keeping pace with him as he drove across the small city to where two seemingly abandoned large warehouses stood. I held my breath as we approached them, only letting it out when I realized that only the women were standing by the parking spots leading to one of the warehouses. I glanced at him.

“Okay, can I know what we’re doing now?” I asked Brennan as I undid my seatbelt.

“Nope. Go on.”

He got out of the car, tipping an imaginary hat at the ladies as he walked toward the warehouse that was further away. I frowned as I watched him go. He wasn’t staying with me? Just what were the men up to? Nathan walked Miriela up to us, struggling not to trip as she practically walked on his heels. When he stopped in front of us, he nodded his head to the warehouse.

“Come on. Let’s go in.”

Ramira led us inside with Nathan and Miriela rounding up the group. My mouth fell open when I saw the multitudes of objects inside the warehouse. It was filled to the brim with old school TVs, mirrors, used microwaves, and countless glass dishes. The deeper into the large room we got, the more we saw. In one corner there was a punching bag, in another corner there was a wall covered in balloons with a table of darts set in front of it. Ramira stopped by a table that held baseball bats. She smiled at us as she handed each of us a bat.

“There is only one rule. Do not hit each other. You can break whatever you want. I know each of you has anger that you can release. This is a safe way to do so. And don’t worry about breaking anything. It is all fair game. Break it all. Just be safe,” she instructed us.

I excitedly gripped my bat. “When can we start?”

“Now.”

Everyone dispersed, going in their own directions except for Miriela, who was standing frozen in place. I stopped beside her, laying my hand on hers.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I can’t do this,” she whimpered. “The last time I broke a dish, I was not allowed to eat for four days.”

Nathan scowled behind her before taking her hand and leading her straight over to the dishes. He took the bat from her, placing it on the floor before wrapping one arm around her waist and picking up a dish. He put it in her hand before wrapping his around hers. He lifted her hand before having her throw the mug at the floor, squeezing her a little when it shattered on the floor.

“Good. Again!”

He picked up another dish, handing it to her. She glanced at him worriedly. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “It’s just a dish, Miriela,” he told her softly. “Smash it.”

She threw it at the floor before sinking to the floor with her face buried in her hands, sobbing loudly. Everyone else turned their attention to Miriela, and when I shook my head, they went back to breaking their own things while their eyes kept occasionally moving to Miriela. Nathan squatted behind her with his hands on her shoulders. Just holding her, nothing else, while I hovered behind them. Suddenly, she jumped to her feet, grabbing a large plate. She flung it at the floor.

“Get on your knees!” She cried as she snatched up another dish. “Suck my dick, whore!” She threw it at the floor, breathing hard as it shattered on impact. She grabbed another dish before tossing it on the floor. “Scream, bitch. No one cares.”

Dish after dish was destroyed as she screamed out derogatory orders, breathing harder as the minutes passed while tears continued to course down her face until her face was covered in a mixture of tears and snot. When the last dish had fallen from her hands, she stood still with her shoulders heaving.

“I’m not yours anymore,” she whispered. “I belong to me.”

Nathan wrapped his arms around her waist, gently turning her around to cradle her against his chest. He met my eyes, and I nodded, mouthing, ‘Thank you’ before walking away to smash a TV. Two hours later, and a lot of angry screaming and grunting, the warehouse was littered with destroyed objects, and all of us were left panting, but in better moods. I knew I felt lighter. All the tension caused by my anxiety and fear had left my body, and I was happy to see Miriela leaning against Nathan with a small smile on her face. I couldn’t even imagine the relief she was feeling. As Ramira collected the bats from everyone, I walked over to Miriela and Nathan.

“How are you feeling?” I asked softly.

“Better. I think I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” I inquired.

“To love myself again,” she answered.

I hugged her tightly. “Good, I’m glad. I have missed you.”

She smiled at me as she pressed herself against Nathan again, gazing up at him like he was the only thing keeping her grounded. “I’ve missed me too.”