Trying To Succeed

When he let me go to finish starting the grill, I stayed close to his side, making him chuckle a little.

“Are you okay, princess?” He murmured.

“Yes, I’m okay. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” I asked, feeling insecure.

“I went to get a cake and gifts for Doc. I also had to pick up some more alcohol for the party.” He glanced around before leaning toward me. “I also stopped to get us condoms and some lube. I didn’t have any. I haven’t needed any, and I was not about to go to the store here to buy some. No one needs to know that we are together in that way.”

I flushed as I nodded. “I didn’t even think about condoms.”

He cupped my face, stroking his thumb across my cheek. “I know. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. Go enjoy the party. I think your friends are waiting to question you.”

He kissed me again before nodding toward Rosemary and Doc who were watching us, not hiding the fact that they were doing their best to eavesdrop on our conversation. I groaned before walking over to them. Before I could even open my mouth, Rosemary wrapped me up in a hug.

“I so knew it! The way you two look at each other! I’m so happy for you guys. It’s about time you both woke up. You are literally perfect for each other,” she gushed, making me blush darker.

“This is the best birthday present,” Doc added. “R. H. M. has been a very close friend for years. I was wondering if he would ever choose a woman to share his life with! I’ve known for weeks that he was in love with you!”

I took a step back. “What?”

Rosemary giggled. “He loves you. He just won’t admit it.”

I glanced over my shoulder to see Brennan and Armadillo chatting quietly. I swallowed nervously. “I’m not so sure…”

“If you don’t see it, then you are blind,” Doc told me. “He never interacted with dogs before you. He would purposely avoid them, and now I see him playing and taking care of Sugar. He wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t.”

“Not only that, but he never spent the night with anyone. Nor did he openly show favoritism toward anyone. Which by the way, he clearly does with you. That man is so damned smitten with you. They both are,” she finished sighing. “You are certainly something special, Phoenix. You are driving both of them insane. Armadillo never showed affection for a woman. Hell, he didn’t even really hang out with anyone. He didn’t even come to the weekly parties. What makes it even clearer is that he is jealous of your relationship with R. H. M.”

I sighed as I lowered my head. “I feel so bad that I am hurting him. He is truly a good friend, and he deserves better than what I have been doing to him. He never hid how he felt about me and I still led him on. If I were in his shoes, I would hate me,” I admitted.

Rosemary took my hand, smiling softly at me. “Nah. If he didn’t want to be around you, he would have avoided you like the plague. Wait! What’s that?!” She plucked at my cheek before squealing as she backed away, pointing at me. “IT’S THE PLAGUE!”

Her and Doc ran away from me, cackling like lunatics. I rolled my eyes as I turned around, only to run immediately into Armadillo, who smiled at me.

“Hey, Phoenix. Will you walk me home?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure. Give me one second,” I said, turning back around to glare at Doc and Rosemary. I stuck my tongue out at them, causing them to erupt into another fit of giggles before taking Armadillo’s outstretched arm. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He led me away from the square before speaking. “I’m really happy for you, Phoenix. You look really happy next to him,” he told me. “I just wanted to make sure you knew that if you ever wanted or needed to talk, I’m here for you. I understand that things can be confusing, and I’m here for you.”

“I know, Armadillo. You are such an amazing person, and I am so happy to have met you.”

He stopped outside his gate to hug me tightly. “Yeah, well ditto, phoenix. You better hurry back before R. H. M. thinks I kidnapped you.”

“Do you think he would?” I asked curiously.

“Oh, yes. I think he would come to fight me if you don’t get back soon. Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You too, Armadillo.”

I stepped away from him to race back toward the square where R. H. M. was in the process of turning the steaks over. I sauntered up to him to run my hands up his back before leaning against him.

“I missed you today,” I whispered.

He took my hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. “Where did you think I went?”

“I don’t know, but I was worried.”

“Don’t be. I would never betray you in any way. I did try to wake you up before I left but you were grumpy,” he laughed. “I guess you are not a morning person, so I let you sleep.”

“You should have left me a letter or something,” I admonished him.

“I did. It was on my desk with a gift.”

“You did? I didn’t see it.”

“I know you didn’t. It was still there when I got home. I also got something for Sugar while I was out. Would you like it?” He inquired excitedly.

“Yes!”

He chuckled again as he quickly pulled the steaks off the grill before turning toward me as he reached into the apron’s pocket to pull out a long skinny box along with a large envelope that had my name on it. I took the long box from him before slowly opening it. I gasped loudly when I saw the pink leather collar inside. He picked it up before flipping it over to show me a tiny button on the underside of the collar. I squealed loudly when the collar lit up and her name on the hanging dog tag started blinking. I threw my arms around Brennan’s neck, squeezing him tightly.

“I love it! Thank you!” He stiffened and I immediately mentally kicked myself as I lowered my arms. “I’m sorry. I was just–”

He kissed me to stop my apology. “Don’t be, princess. It’s okay. I’m glad you like it. I wasn’t sure if you would.”

I eyed him curiously. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I didn’t ask for your opinion before I bought it. And I know that you spent your whole life being told what to do and–”

I put my finger on his lips. “It’s okay. I know your love languages are gifts and acts of service. I’m trying my best to understand that.”

He burst out laughing. “Love languages, hmmm? Did Ramira tell you about them?”

“Yeah,” I said blushing. “She’s told me alot.”

“Like what?”

“Well, she gave me a list of questions…”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Let me guess, fifteen questions that all couples should discuss.”

I nodded. “She gave them to you too, I take it.”

“Yeah she did. Is she overwhelming you with all this relationship stuff?” He asked agitatedly, and I knew that if I said yes, he would go yell at her.

“No. I asked her because I wasn’t sure about how to make a successful relationship, and I didn’t want to mess this up with you,” I told him.

He studied my face for a moment before nodding. “Do you want to talk about one of the questions?”

I glanced around. “Right now?”

“Yeah. Or we can wait. It’s up to you.”

“Hmmm. How about: What’s one habit that I have that you find frustrating but haven’t told me that it frustrates you?” I asked.

He hesitated before shaking his head. “Alright, I don’t want to answer that.” He turned the corn over before sighing. “But that’s kind of the point of the questions, isn’t it? Talking about things that most couples usually avoid.” I nodded, making him sigh again. “Alright. Let me just preface this by saying it’s not so much a dig at you because it’s truly annoying. It’s more because you ask me to do things that I’m not ready to do.”

“What is it?” I asked worriedly.

“I get frustrated when you want me to verbalize my feelings. I was never very good at it. I’m better at showing it in different ways.” He reached out to take my hand. “But I am trying. It’s very difficult but for you, I would do anything to make you smile or reassure you of how I feel.”

I smiled at him. “I know, and I appreciate it. Mine would be that you don’t like to acknowledge how you feel and you try to hide it. I would like for you to be more open about how you feel. If you are angry, tell me. If you’re sad, tell me that too. I can’t support you the right way if I don’t know what’s going on. You don’t have to tell me right away why you feel that way, but telling me which emotion you’re feeling would go a long way to help our relationship move forward.”

He sighed but nodded. “I’ll try. It’s not going to be perfect, but it will get better.”

I took a step closer to him so I could lean against his side. “I know it will. You have already made a lot of progress, and I just want you to know that I see it. I appreciate your effort.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “I will try to be less pushy about verbalization and try to understand what you say when you give me gifts and do stuff for me. I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me. And as long as you are willing to meet me halfway, I will be there waiting for you.”

He kissed my cheek before pulling the corn off the grill and shutting the lid. “I will always meet you in the middle, baby, because you mean a lot to me too.”

I sighed as I leaned against him. “How much longer do we have to stay?” I asked.

“Not much longer, but I would like for you to open the envelope before we leave,” he said before taking a step back to hand me the envelope.

I hesitated before opening it. I shook out a small canvas along with a folded up piece of paper. I unfolded the paper, quickly reading the sweet note he had left me telling me that he was leaving Eden for a few hours to run errands before pecking his lips.

“Thank you.”

I turned the canvas over and my breath was immediately expelled in a harsh exhale. On the canvas there was a portrait of me sitting in a rocking chair with my arms around my daughter. I swallowed hard as I raised my eyes to his.

“This is beautiful,” I whispered as I tried to blink back my tears.

He raised his hand to cup my face, using his thumb to wipe off the tears that escaped from my eyes. I pressed the canvas into my chest.

“Do you remember what I said that I would say to Mister if I ever got him?” I inquired softly.

“Yes, I do. Why?”

I wiped my nose, sniffling. “It’s tenfold now.”