CHAPTER113
So back off.
“She has bad taste in men?” His voice is closer, so I walk further off, putting the distance back between us a little. Every part of me is on high alert, my anger simmering to something more heart wrenching. I hate these kinds of conversations, someone trying to lay me bare and uncover my pain.
“That’s an understatement,” I snap, shielding my despair with anger.
Control, Emma!
“Her boyfriends hurt you?” His question catches me off guard, his voice nearer yet again, despite my moving away. His fingers move into my hair near my ear, flexing into my scalp, making me lean into his touch; I close my eyes. I’ve no defenses when he touches me. So much pleasure from such a simple motion disperses my rage and hostility. His other hand slides over my shoulder and down my arm a little, his breath on the back of my neck between my shoulder blades, before his mouth comes to rest on the back of my head, and he sighs. I surrender to him, body and soul, my anger draining away. Jake knows how to get under my skin with so little effort. Just a touch.
“Some … some just wanted to …” I can’t say it. I swallow hard. His hand leaves my arm, snakes around my waist, and pulls me into his body smoothly. His mouth moves to my neck gently as he snuggles in and surrounds me. His hair is against the side of my face as he pulls me snug and close to him.
“She didn’t protect you,” he whispers against my collar bone, the gentle flutter of his mouth on my skin and the heat from his breath sending a thousand electric tingles through my body. I know I should pull away from him, but I’m mesmerized by the way he’s holding me, the way my body is sagging into him losing all control, floating away on a warm breeze without any pain. The memories of last night pull me back, and I’m unable to resist the way he makes me yearn to be connected to him.
“She did what she could,” I mumble, even though I know that’s a lie. I’m too lost in the way his nose is skimming my shoulder and neck, my skin erupting with goosebumps. The hand that was in my hair now trailing down my naked arm to my wrist and back up. He’s a clever one with all his seductive ways, lulling me into a sense of soft security, teasing my body so I’ll open up to him. I don’t have the energy to fight it; I’m his captive when he touches me this way.
“She didn’t stop bringing men around her child, cara mia.” His voice takes on a hoarseness, and I stiffen. I’ve told myself the same thing, a million times, over and over. He’s not saying anything I don’t already know, yet it still hurts, like he’s thrust a knife into my chest, to hear someone else say it.
“Why did you leave Chicago? Leave her?” His voice has deepened, his hands trailing down my arms and up again leaving gentle tingles on the surface. His face is back in my hair as he releases me a little. I want to melt into him, let him do with my body as he pleases. His touch sends searing pleasure wherever it lands, my eyes still closed and lost in the sensations. For once the doubts slide away. He’s bewitching me to open up, and I’m completely lost to him.
“I needed to walk away from all of it. I needed to save myself, because no one else was going to.” A tear courses down my cheek while saying it out loud for the first time. It’s bittersweet, yet I sound so pathetic, my heart gnawing with pain.
“I think you need to talk to someone about all of this, Emma, a counselor. I could …”
My eyes snap open, and I jerk away instantly, spinning to glare at him angrily, my mood changing with those simple words that wound me deeply and ignite a fire all over again.
“Not a goddamn chance,” I spit, all venom returned, defensive and lashing out, “I’m not fucking crazy!”
“Emma, that isn’t what I said.” His voice is one of surprise at my reaction. He attempts to put his arms around me again, but I hold out a hand, stopping him, brimming with fury. He stays back, wariness in his narrowed eyes, my anger spilling out like a burst dam.
“Don’t, okay,” I snap. “You wanted to know? Now you know, and that’s the end of it.” The strength is back in my voice; PA Emma has returned. I stalk past him toward the car signaling the end. I can’t look at him. My eyes are drying now, and that steel wall is building back up; I’m gaining control again.
To be looked at like some broken mental case is too much. I don’t need a shrink. I need him to stop prying.
“Don’t do that,” he snaps accusingly, following me back to the car close on my heels; he grabs my arm to turn me, but I yank it away.
He thinks I need therapy! He thinks I’m some broken, pathetic girl with emotional issues, and he’s wondering why I’m pissed. I knew this was a bad idea; I knew he would see me differently the more he knew.
“Do what?” I yell, deliberately looking anywhere but him to get away. He grabs my arm again and tugs me around to face him harshly, this time succeeding.
“Don’t shut me out again, clamping down like you always do, not after everything. I’m sick to death of this never-ending, fucking circle,” he rages at me, fire meeting fire.
“I didn’t want to tell you! You just keep pushing.” I wrench my arm away; I’m back in fight mode, ready to push it all back into the black box in my head and act like it never happened. “Let’s go back to the boat. I’m hungry and I’m tired,” I spit, sending a very loud and clear message that this conversation is over.
I didn’t know I could sound so cool amid the sea of emotions swirling around my head. He lifts his hands, as if he’s going to choke me, and grits his teeth; his eyes burn, and he paces away from me again, cursing and raging into the open air. I ignore him. I walk to the car and get in, slamming my door and buckling up in stony-faced silence.
Eventually he angrily slides into the car, and I can tell he’s given up; he knows it’s pointless. My mask is well and truly back in place, and even though I can feel his mood coming off of him in aggressive waves, he doesn’t look my way.
“Conversation fucking over!” he mutters to himself and thins his lips. He’s angry. He’s sulking. I don’t care; I don’t want to do this. I glare at him then turn away to stare out the window as he turns the car in the road, heading back to where we came from at a break-neck speed that makes me uneasy, but I bite my tongue and say nothing."
