CHAPTER326
Jake wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to try video sex! However, what we’ve ended up doing is laughing a whole lot on a Skype call, while I sit in my underwear and he lies in a hotel bed with a sexy naked torso making me ache. Sexy turned to funny and before we know it, he has me crying tears of laughter. I forget sometimes that he can be quick witted and sharp, his sense of humor is devastating; I can’t remember ever laughing as much as this ever in my life and my muscles ache with the effort.
“Soon as you’re able to start flying again I’m bringing you everywhere I go.” He sighs at me through the iPad screen. I trace the shape of his mouth on the smooth surface, an internal loneliness aching through me that I always get at his absence.
“You need to get used to this; soon enough I won’t be able to follow you around the world, Jake. We’ll have a child to stay home for.” I sigh at him and snuggle down in bed matching his pose, getting comfortable.
“I’ll bring you both.” He raises a stubborn eyebrow and I can only giggle.
“And what about when it starts pre-school or an actual school? You can’t just demand we come with you anytime you need to go.” I giggle at that boyish face.
“I like this you know?” Jake regards me seriously, and I frown.
“What? Our useless attempt at video kinky and we’re talking schools instead? How very sexy!” I giggle again, caught in the best mood because of him.
“You talking babies. I still wasn’t sure you were warm on having it, and now you’re acknowledging that a baby is coming.” He chews his bottom lip and I spot that little tell, he’s thinking about what he’s saying, choosing his words carefully, still walking on eggshells occasionally, especially when it’s something that really matters to him.
“I needed time to get used to it, to get used to everything. I guess I’m happy … It still feels surreal and weird, but tadpole is in there and it’s coming no matter what we do.” I sigh and glance down at my stomach under the thin sheet, experiencing that same tingle in my heart anytime I acknowledge its existence.
“Tadpole?” Jake raises an eyebrow at me.
“Yeah you know … Because I think of a tiny little sperm and you know … well, I don’t know what it looks like this early!” I giggle and Jake bursts out laughing. It’s maybe about time I start reading pregnancy books.
“Jesus, baby, could you be anymore goddamn adorable? God, I love you so much.” He laughs in the deep husky way that he does; a little sensual but overall infectious. Jake can be irresistibly cute when he’s in complete natural and relaxed mode. It sounds good to listen to him laugh this way. It sounds even better hearing him trying to curb his swearing. I felt like a broken record chastising him every time he swore; now his chatter is filled with goddamn instead of fuck. I guess he must’ve realized that he doesn’t want our child’s first words to be fuck or fucking after all.
“So, what would you call it?” I pout mockingly at him laughing at me.
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” I laugh, watching the way he furrows his brow and chews his lip, deep in thought with a sudden serious expression on his face.
“Mia or Lucas. I guess I would call it one of those.” Jake suddenly seems so young and unsure, a lump catching in my throat, it’s not what I expected as an answer. I expected some cute inner womb nickname. The thought of a little Mia or Lucas Carrero suddenly overwhelms me, realization hitting me, at how much thought Jake has put into this. He has thought about names for our child. I could cry.
“Where did you find those names?” I breathe softly, eyes glazing over with moisture.
“Mia just sort of sounds close to Emma, and as you know, it’s my favorite name in the whole world.” He winks cheekily but my heart tells me he’s not kidding. “And Lucas well, I just like it. It sounds like a good Carrero name.” He watches me through the screen as I think through his choices and I honestly can’t find fault with either.
“I love them both. I especially love that you like Mia because it sounds like my name. Sometimes you’re too cute for words Mr. Carrero. You always surprise me.” I sigh, touching the screen again, desperate for his mouth on mine especially when we’re talking like this. Suddenly he seems so very far away, and I miss his arms around me.
“Don’t let people know how soft I actually am. It would totally ruin my reputation.” He winks again and I just
eye roll.
“I’m pretty sure your reputation that preceded me will go on for a very long time. It’s more famous than you are, baby. I’m sure, even with an engagement announcement, the world still assumes you have a row of scantily clad women in the back running around, getting drunk, and acting wild. I’ve seen the endless tabloid scandals about you remember!” I narrow my eyes at him and smile.
“How do you know that isn’t my back up plan for next time you leave me?” He winks and he’s lucky he’s thousands of miles away as that remark deserves a dig to the ribs. I stick my chin up and raise a haughty eyebrow.
“Hmm …” is the only reply I give and Jake breaks into an adorable Hollywood hottest smile.
“You know I’d follow you to the end of the world, baby, chase you with everything I’ve got if I was ever stupid enough to lose you again. I don’t plan on us ever being apart, Emma. I can’t wait to get you down the aisle and have you, as mine … Mrs. Carrero.” That smooth declaration and sexy smile calm down my inner bristled feathers.
“It does have a nice ring to it I guess … Emma Carrero … Mr. and Mrs. Jake Carrero. I could get used to that,” I ring off dreamily.
“You better get used to it as soon as the house is sorted, our next plans are going to be wedding themed.” He warns with a wink.
“You don’t think I should maybe push a baby out first, so I don’t look like a whale on my wedding day?” I frown at him then look down at my stomach trying to figure out how long I have before I do start looking like a round Christmas tree ornament. I know nothing about pregnancy at all.
“Hell no. No child of mine is being born outside of this marriage, baby.”
We both pause, as Jake realizes what he’s said, and I frown at him.
“Except …” I sigh back at him with a rather sad expression and Jake rubs a hand across his face as he realizes what he just said.
“I know. This shit with her … I know. Fuck, baby. I’m sorry I just totally ruined this.” He sounds so gutted and remorseful that his swearing-self has returned …
Well, he can’t always be perfect, can he? Although, the swearing makes him who he is, and that’s perfect enough for me.
“Don’t be silly. I just need to get used to that part of our reality, that’s all … Is she still on radio silence?” I push down that lump of emotion and don’t let him see it’s hurt me.
“As far as I know. The DNA refusal was her only contact, and no one has seen her in New York since we left. If she’s still in the Hamptons, then no one there has seen her around either; she’s maybe gone back to LA.” He shrugs with one shoulder.
“Good riddance, I hope we don’t have to deal with her until the baby is born.” I huff out loud and Jake grins at me again. “What?” I frown at him and can’t help but smile back.
“Just … You don’t realize how much more you talk to me now. How open you are about telling me things, bambino. You don’t hide your feelings or those crazy internal insecurities like you used to. I love that it’s changing.” He’s smiling as he speaks, full of genuine happiness.
“I hadn’t even noticed to be honest.” I ponder it, while twisting the bed sheet between my fingers, and realize he’s right. I do verbalize more openly how I am feeling now. I no longer get that horrid fear or tightening throat when I try.
“Do you ever still think about the stuff that happened when you were a kid, Emma?” I’m bowled over by the question and I realize Jake’s probing, to see how I’ll
react, how I’ll respond. He wants to see if I’m going to open up to him or clamp down, and I sit for a moment and think, really try to analyze how I’m feeling, yet realize there’s nothing there.
“Sometimes, but not really anymore. The dreams are there when you go away but not as bad, or as often. They’re more like distant memories that aren’t very clear. The memories of what those men did and tried to do don’t hurt me anymore. I’m not ashamed of it now.” I shrug, and Jake just watches me with a look of sheer emotion.
“And Vanquis?” He clears his throat. I can tell he’s having a hard time containing his feelings over the fact of me so readily talking about this stuff, with zero reaction and zero hiding.
“A part of me still thinks he’s out there somewhere, but I don’t think of him much. Not since you told me you loved me, Jake. I know you wouldn’t let him hurt me again and to be honest life is too consumed with you to dwell on the past.” I try to lock eyes through the screen and hate that it doesn’t have the same effect. I miss him a little too much, especially when having this kind of conversation.
“Emma …” Jake’s voice breaks, and he sighs. “Jesus, I never thought you answering me straight about this shit would turn me into a fucking girl.” He rubs a hand across his face and it’s then that I realize he got as close to tears as I think I could’ve have coped with.
“You’re such a man! Don’t wuss out on me, Carrero. I happen to like your strong pushy self.” I tap the screen as though warning him, pointing a waggling finger his way.
“Don’t worry, baby, I’m all man when it counts. I’m allowed to shed a couple of tears over the fact that my girl has moved on, mon-u-fucking-mentally in only a few months of being with me. You have no idea, baby.” He settles his arm behind his head, and I watch with sheer delight the way his muscles seem to just magically grow.
“You’re very swear-y tonight, Mr. Carrero.” I yawn and stretch out, my eyes getting heavy with the late hour. I’ve been a total lightweight since getting pregnant, still sleeping way too much.
“Being away from you makes me swear-y, bambino, go
to sleep and dream of me. I’ll be dreaming of you. You’re tired, so that’s an order.” He gives me his bossy tone and serious look.
“Stay with me.” I sigh and watch him via the screen lying on the pillow next to me, propping it as though he’s right there.
“I’ll always stay with you, bambino. Now, go to sleep and once you’re out I’ll disconnect.”
“I love you.” I sigh gently, tired, and already fading out quickly.
“I love you so much more. Sleep.” Jake props up his laptop too so both his hands come into view behind his
head as he gets comfy. I snuggle into the cushion and close my eyes.
“Talk to me until I sleep.” I yawn again, hearing a small noise that sounds like he’s laughing under his breath.
“Could you be any more adorable, baby? … I’ll read to you if you like? I have a Stephen King book with me.” He sounds happy amused; I could listen to that voice forever.
“Do that. I want to hear you as I fall asleep.” I open one eye and look at him as he stretches across the bed away from the screen and comes back with his book and I blow him a kiss, closing my eyes again, ready to listen to the only voice in the world that has so much power over me."
