CHAPTER637
I look down at the ivory tulle and lace molded to my body billowing out into a full skirt as Emma and Leila fluff up the layers. Christian is messing with my bodice, yanking it tighter from the back and I know he’s trying to make my cleavage ride up and punch me in the face for maximum “ooomph” but my breasts are a little tender and this is not pleasant. Jenny’s messing with my veil and everything is hemming in around me. They are all suffocating me like crazy with their prodding and pandering and I’m like a simmering pot about to boil over.
Staring at the double doors in front of us, the wooden blockage to the hundreds of eyes that are waiting to pull me apart out there. I start to feel overwhelmed and dizzy and stand stock still as my blood runs cold and heart starts pounding faster in my chest. I think my dress is maybe too tight because I am struggling to breathe, and my vision is getting a little swimmy.
Why the hell did I agree to this? To a huge fucking massive white ordeal, and why did I think that designing my own dress would be such an awesome idea?
So many doubts and fears all hit me in one low blow right about now and I try to take some calming breaths, pushing off the fussing hands and hold myself together. The panic is coursing up my body and I swear I think I may pass out. I need everyone to take about ten steps back and give me a moment. It’s happening so fast and I am spiraling out of control.
“Ready?” My dad’s voice makes me jump, as he holds out a hand to me and I feel like I’m going to throw up, anxiety swirling around my head, breathing labored and I can barely move. I’m being crushed by my own fear and suddenly I can’t do this. I’m terrified.
“I need a minute.” my voice is weak, all over the place and all eyes snap to me in complete alarm which only makes me a hundred times worse. I’m having an all-out anxiety attack while the guy I’m supposed to marry is on the other side of the door… With a thousand complete strangers waiting expectantly.
OMG. I’m going to die.
I turn and make a move for the little room where I got myself calm the first time and everyone seems to stare at me in disbelief and not react. I move fast, pushing my sister out of the way and practically run in there and grab at the open door.
“Just… Need… A… Second.” I can barely get the words out, ignoring the voices coming after me as I slide inside and shut it on them, locking it tight and bend to stick my head between my knees, before I pass out. I get a face full of dress and choke as it sticks to my lip gloss, but If I stay upright I will literally black out and face palm the floor.
Think of Arry… Think of Arry.
It’s all I can chant as the darkness swirls into my vision and I automatically clutch around for my tiny wrist bag that has my cell and my most treasured possession inside. I wanted them with me. My necklace, my puzzle piece from him that I was scared would get caught in my veil with its intricate lace and get pulled off, and my contact via my cell, because he always told me to take my phone with me no matter where I was, so I can get to him when I need him.
I have never forgotten that.
I need him now.
I call his number with shaking hands, still bent double, praying that even standing in an alter in front of a few million hundred thousand, way too many guests, that he has it and start chewing my lip. Using my bouquet as a brush to sweep some imaginary dust from my dress. I have no clue what I am even doing right now.
It rings twice, seeming like an eternity as I stare at the floor in front of me and try to breathe before he answers. I can almost picture his confusion when his voice surrounds me.
“Baby? I’m standing at the alter waiting for you, why are you calling me?” He sounds amused, a little wary, maybe, but he would never think the worst that I am not coming. I don’t think. I hope not. I guess he thought I would have been out by now, seeing as the wedding song was cued to start and I am not exactly fit to be out there yet.
“I’m terrified. I don’t think I can come out. I can’t do it, I’m freaking out, Arry. I can’t breathe.” I panic down the phone breathlessly, trying so hard to calm myself as my veil falls round my shoulders and starts falling in my face. I straighten up to blow it away and fan the heat out of my cheeks with the flowers that are looking a little unloved now. I almost poke myself in the face with a stray stigma and drop yellow dust in mid-air from flapping it around.
I don’t even like lilies. Why did I pick them?
“Terrified of marrying me?” He’s trying to sound normal, but I catch the wounded tone in his voice, and it kills me inside. Stalling my manic panic as my heart bleeds for my boy.
This isn’t about him. This is Sophie having an epic meltdown of nerves and loss of bravery. Of everyone out there staring at me walking down the aisle in a dress I made and making a complete ass of myself.
Don’t think I don’t know Miss. Boobs. is out there in the Carrero staff who were invited, to scowl at me marrying the guy of her dreams. I hope she’s allergic to wedding cake and dies. He did ask if I was okay with her being on the guest list and I decided where she is concerned, I have to suck it up and remember that he chose me in life. She will never have a chance with him, not as long as I make him happy and that’s been my whole focus since we made up.
“No… About all of them, waiting, watching. For me to screw up or trip, or stare at me until I do. To judge my dress, my skills, my everything. I can’t open the door, I’m too scared.” All those scrutinizing eyes and minds, they remind me so much of a court room so long ago. Maybe that’s the fear, the doors to a crowded room of people, waiting to see what I say or do. It’s too much. I’ve never liked being center of attention and my palms are clammy with the thought of being it today.
“I’m coming to get you, baby” He doesn’t hesitate, his voice back to strong and calm, like he thinks he knows how to fix this. Arry doesn’t care if this is not protocol, all he knows is I need him. And he told me so many times his purpose in life, is to come when I do.
“That’s not what we’re supposed to do.” tears fill my eyes and I sniff back another shallow breath, relieved to know he’s coming for me anyway. I can hear voices outside, they are trying to get me to open the door, but I blank them out. Just focusing on his voice as I walk in circles and fan myself with dying lilies in a bid to cool my face. This room feels excruciatingly small and my body temp is almost at sauna levels.
“That’s the beauty of you and me, baby, we never do what we are meant too. This is our day, we make the rules, we always have. I’m coming for you, get ready to let me in.” I can hear a little commotion around him too, I guess they are asking him where he is going but I clutch the cell tightly to my ear and concentrate on his voice. Like a dying woman clinging to a life raft.
“I’m in the side room. You will see my family trying to break in outside it.” I’ve given up on protests about this not being normal, because this is what I need. I don’t want to do this alone, without him. even though I’m supposed too. There’s still a lot of knocking and friends talking through the door at me. I can hear Leila making threats about strangling me with my veil and I eyeroll. The noise seems to calm for a second and I pause to listen, Arrick’s cell sounds muffled as though he’s either covering it or got it by his side before his voice comes back at me.
“I’m here, outside, open the door.” He cuts the call as I hear the soft knock on the door and relief swims through me. He must have walked fast, even if the aisle is not that long. Without hesitation I unlatch the lock and step back as he slides in, his back to me at first as he waves away someone outside with a reassuring few words. Probably Leila.
From the back he looks tall and beautiful in all black, fitted tailoring. My muscular fighter in all his strong glory, classy, handsome and everything I need in this moment.
His eyes immediately come to me, scanning me for the first time in my wedding dress when turns to face me. His whole face softens, he pauses to inhale emotionally, and he gets a little misty eyed almost instantly, before pulling himself together.
I kind of feel the same seeing him in his full black tux and bow tie that I insisted he had to wear. I had my doubts about such a basic look that he wears to almost every formal do, but the Carrero men can pull off tuxedos perfectly. He looks amazing and so gorgeous."
