CHAPTER441
Whatever Nathan wanted to talk to him about has flipped a switch and watching her cozy up to me, seeing us have a friendly moment on the dance floor. Her obvious visual vulnerability and my lack of it has hit home. I’m the one who will pick myself up and heal because I’ve endured far worse. He doesn’t think she will.
The panic rises inside of me and Natasha slides out of my arm and goes towards him coquettishly, nodding and leaning in to say something softly. I don’t react or move, my eyes steady on him and as he dodges my contact again, and my temper rises. Heart stricken as it thuds out a rave tune.
He’s going back to her.
He’s trying to make this situation right. His moral code overruling everything in his heart. Too soft for his own good.
I glare his way as he meets mine for a second and then looks away. I can’t even hear what her response is as the bubbling rage of blood bursting through my head is drowning everything else out, and I lift that chin a little higher. Ache and pain drowning me inside, chest heavy with the sudden weight of how much this hurts and yet I stand my ground. Dry eyed and tight-lipped. I won’t let him see that he’s hurting me again. And that is where the problem lies in what he’s chosen. I haven’t let him see true hurt me in so long, because of her.
“Don’t mind me … I can amuse myself, plenty of booze, men, and dancing down there to keep me occupied for the rest of my night.” I state it steadily, impressed with my ability to keep the emotion out of my voice, but the intent is there. Arrick’s brows furrow as he pulls her away from me by the arm and guides her towards the side of us. Nodding towards the booths and private seating in the far corner. He swallows noticeably, eyes still not able to meet mine for more than seconds, and he hesitates. Struggling to form words as she takes the hint and moves off without a backwards glance.
Today had been an all too familiar day of us just hanging out, and maybe, instead of telling him that we fit, that we work together, it told him that he should never let it stray from that. The tension on the way here, the flirty looks and definite sexual sizzle have obviously not swayed him. Maybe he thinks we’re safer and better off as we are.
Faced with the girl he doesn’t want to hurt and the magnitude of how wrong it is to see her and I together, has done something to that stupid fucked up Carrero brain and I have the urge to slap him. Head over fucking heart, logic prevails, and he wants to shelf everything neatly so that everyone is happy again, like he can turn it all backwards somehow. Everyone except me.
Why does he never think about what this does to me?
Maybe because I now put up a mask and no longer let him see my pain anymore.
“I just need some time to talk to her, and then I’ll come find you.” He utters it quietly; Natasha is already getting comfy at the seats and giving us space, without even realizing we need any.
So stupidly trusting.
I swallow down my pride, already sure I know what it is he is going to talk to her about, already sure I know he has decided to try and claw back what they once had, and that frosty ice queen inside of me rises up. In that good old fucking sanctimonious self-defense-defense mechanism of mine. Like shooting myself in the head to prove a fucking point. Maybe if he truly saw my broken heart, it would make a difference, but it’s not in me to show him anymore.
Thanks, shitty childhood, for making me this way.
“Don’t bother.... Enjoy your night. I’m pretty sure I’m a big girl who can handle it.” I turn on my heel and falter when he catches my wrist in his, he moves in close behind me, so that his body heat touches every part of the back of mine. From heels to top of my head, and his breath on my exposed shoulder makes me flinch painfully. I almost fall to pieces at something so simple. Inside I’m unraveling, breath hitching and tears bite at my eyes.
“We were never going to work. Not if we have to hurt people to even try this, Sophs. I can’t just throw it all away. We can salvage what we are, it doesn’t need to be a choice of you or her. We can get past this because what we have is stronger, you’re stronger.”
The crushing pain in my stomach rips through at a hundred miles an hour, disappointed that I predicted this, knew what he was thinking from just a look. Tears prickle in my eyes and I bite on my lip hard to curb any noticeable reaction, from him. Better than this and unwilling to let him break me this way. No man will ever be allowed to devastate me in any way again, I swore that to myself at fourteen.
Struggling to stay in control and completely broken by this heart-wrenching turnaround, I tug myself away from him harshly, yanking my wrist free to rid myself from his infernal touch on my skin. I’ve no words for him and walk off fast, knowing he can’t follow me while she’s waiting, and taking the chance to slide into the stairwell, back down to the pumping crowd before I literally fall to pieces."
