CHAPTER280
I explain, smiling. But then I catch Jake’s glare dissipating, he looks completely guilt ridden and hangs his head a little. The effect is devastating, and a surge of ache hits me hard.
I want to reach out and cuddle him and make it go away. He looks so forlorn.
“I think some urine and bloods might be a good idea. Then, some more questions and a more thorough work up. Are you okay with that?” She blinks at me with a professional smile and I nod. I catch Jake in the corner of my eye; hands in pockets, leaning back against the flat gray paintwork with the air of a guy who has no will to do anything but wait and watch. He’s obviously mulling things over in his head; lost in his own regrets and guilt. I want to pull him out of it and wrap myself around him. But the doctor’s hands jolt me back to what she needs to do right now.
During the next half hour, she examines me thoroughly, questioning me endlessly about my daily routines and other things that don’t seem to have much relation to tiredness and extreme hunger. She takes blood and asks me to urinate in a cup which is awkward, given that the act of standing makes me feel too lightheaded. Jake tries to come to my rescue but there’s no way I want him to watch me peeing in a cup. I hold him back with a raised palm, hating the look of pain that flashes across his face, he must think I’m refusing his help because of what has happened this last week. He moves back to his deflated posturing against the wall, sinking into a quiet somber mood; I hate him this way.
The doctor takes away everything she has collected, all cups and samples and moves to the oak unit that sits against the bedroom wall. She is spending a long time pouring, dipping, and using other chemicals and powders in her chemistry kit. It’s fascinating to watch her, and it reminds me of the scientists in CSI.
She has a very serious expression while she dips and tests and writes down notes, then picks it all up and takes things to the bathroom to clear it up. No one has said a word in what feels like an eternity, there are long tense silences and the apartment is eerily quiet; despite Nora being out there somewhere. We wait patiently while she disposes of things in the trash and washes her hands in the sink for at least five agonizing minutes.
Jake pushes off the wall and comes to sit on the bedside helping me fix his T-shirt, so I can remove my uncomfortable bra from underneath. He pulls up my sheets, kissing me lightly on the forehead as though I am a simple sick child in need of mothering. He plumps the cushions for me wordlessly, guarding his emotions, his face is set in a blank expression, but his body language betrays his worried demeanor.
“What’s the verdict, doc?” He watches the doctor as she strolls back into view. She writes something, studiously, on a medical pad left on the side unit and turns to look at us with a smile. He tenses, then take a long deep breath very slowly, emanating all kinds of fear. It makes me want to wrap my arms around his neck to make him feel better. He’s the young boyish version of himself right now and I’m incapable of withstanding that side of him.
“Emma, are you okay to discuss a diagnosis in front of Mr. Carrero?” She eyes me kindly; a no-nonsense attitude and raised brow that tells me she has every intention of evicting him if necessary. Jake stiffens. He either doesn’t like her question and it’s grating on his infamous ego, most likely bristling with attitude ready to take her on, or he’s worried that the diagnosis is something to be truly scared about.
“It’s fine. You can tell Jake anything you have to tell me.” I smile, graciously, knowing full well the drama that would ensue if I dared to try to make him leave. It would be horrific. Jake cuts in instantly.
“So, what is it? What’s wrong with her?” His low growl indicating he’s stressed over the diagnosis, his caveman aggressive demeanor a show of the scared Jake who has been riled by her attitude. I know him too well. He’s clasping my hands playing with my fingers in his I’m nervous as hell way; but to anyone else, he looks terrifyingly pumped and ready to beat someone down.
The doctor isn’t fazed at all, she starts sliding her tools back into her open case, smoothing down her jacket, in
a show of control and poise that PA Emma would have admired, and smiles widely, turning her full attention to
my face.
“Nothing eight months of TLC won’t cure, and I’ll have your blood tests checked for low iron.” She smiles, seemingly pleased with herself. She doesn’t falter at her hidden joke and moves to close the front part of her case.
“Eight … Months …?” Jake’s face blanks. His voice is suddenly breathy, and all the aggression evaporates, he repeats it almost numbly, something registering in his head that I’m not getting but his whole demeanor is stunned.
“Give or take … Here.” She hands me a slip of paper. “It’s a prescription for some folic acid and some vitamins.” Another bright smile, an air of confidence at thinking I know what she means but I truly don’t.
“Doctor Brown … Why eight months? What’s wrong?” I blink up at her, confused by her manner and answers. Perplexed at Jake’s instant zombie like state. It’s like I’ve entered the twilight zone.
Why do I need vitamins? What’s wrong with me? Shit … I really am sick. I don’t feel sick, and eight months to recover is not good at all.
She smiles at both of us and sits down on the edge of the bed. Jake is being scarily silent, staring blankly at her and her apparent two heads. His hands have clamped on mine firmly and there’s a good chance he’s stopped breathing, my stomach is tightening in fear, my senses going haywire, and my fingers turning a little blue at Jake’s deathly grip.
What the hell?
“I’m guessing I should be more direct, Emma, I’m saying you’re pregnant. I would say given the answers to the questions I asked you’re roughly under a month gone. Your contraception failed I’m afraid.” She beams at me as though this is the most wonderful news in the world, but my throat tightens, and my stomach flips out, the room tips as the bubbling surge of panic hits me hard.
What?
Jake doesn’t move, I’m not sure he even heard her, he’s acting like he’s in a trance. The complete opposite to what my inner mind is doing.
“Pregnant?” He finally says, before his shoulders flex and his fingers loosen the death grip on mine. He seems to sag a little, still staring but now down at his lap, his mind must be running through the possibility and the realization of what is happening, but I’m just freaking out. My mind is racing, palms are sweating, and my throat closing.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
“You’re going to be a father.” She smiles at him and pats his arm gently before getting up. “I should leave you two to it, let it sink in. Congratulations to you both.” She pulls her bag up onto her shoulder. “You have my number, call when you want to discuss details about having her transferred to a specialist, Mr. Carrero. I can recommend a few. Emma, good luck.” She gets up to go and the panic surges over me in a terrifying wave of ice, loosening my tongue at last.
“Wait. I can’t be, I mean I really can’t. I’m on the pill and we, I mean, I … haven’t missed one. It’s not possible, this isn’t what was supposed to happen. I mean I should know, I would have known, wouldn’t I? Oh, my God. I can’t … I can’t be pregnant; how can you be sure? You can make a mistake, right?” I’m rambling, voice bubbling out in sheer freak out mode and about two tones higher than normal. My hands flapping crazily in front of me. She pauses and gently lays a calming hand on my shoulder leaning in close enough to make me sit still with bated breath.
“They pay me the big bucks because I’m never wrong, sweetie. Contraception isn’t one hundred percent and right now you’re probably a little in shock. Take time to think it through and contact me with any questions until I sort you out a referral.” She pats me gently, then without any sign of me responding due to being completely speechless, she gets up with a goodbye to Jake, who is, quite frankly, freaking me out with his unearthly quietness. She moves off smiling gently and waving, then walks out without another word as we both sit silent, still staring at the spot she vacated.
I turn my head to look to him for some sort of help, willing him to say something … Anything … To make this better or take it away or just help me stop floundering and freaking out. My body is ready to self-combust with the sheer amount of panic coursing through my veins and I want to shake him hard.
Fucking snap out of it."
