CHAPTER507
“Technically, I don’t live with you. But manning up might be a good idea if all you can worry about is smelling like a girl and some minor stings from little girl scratches. Jeeze, here I thought you were a big manly MMA pro.” I smirk and close my eyes, leaning my head against his muscled pecs and closing my eyes as hot water soothes every inch of my aching body. I needed this and feel exhausted so suddenly. I guess having two orgasmic explosions one after the other really takes it out of you.
“Umm, womanly claw gauges, actually! Maybe you should?” Arrick stiffens a little, his head lifting, and I guess he’s looking at me. I pause too, realizing what he’s saying, as it sucker punches me in the gut. I sit up suddenly, turn and glance back at him over my shoulder warily. Stomach flipping over with nerves.
“What?” I eye him up suspiciously unsure if he just asked me to move in, or if he is making some weird and vague joke while I’m almost falling asleep.
“Move in with me.” He repeats it confidently with a shrug, like it’s a nothing suggestion and I hesitate. So much colliding in my head that I don’t know what to say. So much we are still trying to figure out between us, everything so new. I mean we only just mastered proper sex for the first time and he’s talking about cohabiting.
Shit.
“I … It’s a bit sudden, isn’t it?” I frown at him and then turn to look at anything but him, so I don’t fall into complete panic or guilt over being unable to say yes. I lie back against him as he pulls me to him, giving me no choice really, arms circling me and tightening around me. He shrugs behind me.
“Only if you count us from a month ago, but I don’t. I realized somewhere along the way that I have been head over heels for you for a long time. I can’t even tell you when it started, but I know it was probably before I even came out to live here. Not seeing you for weeks put my head into perspective and that I guess I’ve loved you for a lot longer than I wanted to admit. I couldn’t deny it anymore. Sophie, you’re the reason I never let anyone else even come close to getting in, not even Tasha. You always had the part of me they wanted.” He slides his arms around my shoulders, kisses the back of my head and then lets me go as he reaches for a sponge, dipping it in the water and starts squeezing water over my upper body. That lurch in my stomach at what he’s saying nearly kills me, so much love, so much I want to hear, and yet I’m floundering over him wanting more from me and I don’t even know why.
“I don’t know … I need time to think about it … I mean we only just …” I sigh and let out a gust of air in complete deflation, feeling cornered and confused, upset by his confession even though at the same time it makes me want to squeeze him tight. I know I want him; I need him. But there is still that part of me that is afraid to take the last step off the ledge and give all into this. So much still turning and twisting in my heart from the past.
Natasha still a constant headache even though he keeps reassuring me, proving to me that she doesn’t matter, and I know I am fixating on her when I shouldn’t be. I thought I would feel more sure than this, that being with him would feel like I was secure. Not always hiding my worries and niggles from him in fear that he will get pissed at my jealousy and constant need for reassurance. I hate that it’s how I feel. I always thought I was stronger than this, but he has a way of getting underneath all of that and making me feel vulnerable. It’s not that easy to let someone see you stripped bare and trust them not to wound you again when you’re struggling to forgive them for the first time. It’s complex.
As levelheaded as he can be, he can be a complete ass when it comes to irrational jealousy. I remember a girl about three years ago, who called him in a rage after they had been on a few dates because he was snapped with another girl at a premiere with Jake. He pretty much hung up on her icily after telling her he was done. It plays over in my head all the time lately, knowing how much he hates feeling suffocated.
He’s not the jealous type really, I mean that night in the club he attacked that sleaze, but it was provoked. Generally, he doesn’t seem to care if some guy is smiling my way. The last month so many men have approached me when we are out together, and he shakes his head and kisses me to stake his claim smugly; he finds it amusing. Tells me the highest compliment a guy can get is other men trying to hook their woman, so I don’t think he can understand how it feels.
“Take as much time as you need. It’s an open-ended request. I want you with me, always.” He goes on with running the sponge over my shoulders and down my hair delicately. Seemingly unfazed with my sort of rejection and I relax a little, knowing he isn’t the type to ever pressure me. Hoping he still understands that maybe I need a little more time.
“I’ll think about it.” I sigh and close my eyes, head back to being filled with so many contradicting thoughts that I had been sure sex would fix. Maybe he was right, after all, sex isn’t the cure to everything."
