CHAPTER565
“What if it’s not the end? What if we had to do this for another twelve months instead?” I blurt it out like a child, sniffing, bubbling, and holding on tight because I really have no clue how he’s going to react. Fear in my heart and complete panic consuming me.
“What do you mean?” Arry pushes me back slightly so I’m forced to look up at him as he regards me with confusion. I swallow hard, finally verbalizing what I have been putting off, trying to calm myself down as his fingers trace my face and he wipes my tears away.
“They offered to extend my scholarship for my last year too.” I say it so quietly, so sure he is about to snap this time, and that knot of anxiety consumes me. Arry’s face takes on that cool, indifferent blankness that he is crazily good at, even still. Unreadable and I have no idea what’s going through his head right now. He’s shielding me from whatever instant reaction he is having, which is never a good thing.
“Is that what you want to do?” He sounds and looks so emotionally deadpan that I’m getting nothing at all. Not even a tiny hint, which usually means he is inwardly thinking ‘No. Never.’
“I don’t know… I want to know what you think I should do.” My lip quivers with nerves, his hold on me hasn’t changed but he is focusing on me intensely.
Just be honest, Arry! Say it for god’s sake.
“This is your decision, baby. Not mine. This is your career, your choice.” He strokes back hair from my face gently, giving me some insight that he’s not that mad at least, but it doesn’t relax me. I know emotional cool is his way of saying ‘Not that happy about this.’
“I want to know what you want too… This is our life, Arry, not just mine.” I narrow my eyes on him, wiping my face with my cardigan sleeve but he catches my wrist to lower my arm, leaning close to rest his forehead against mine in one of our most familiar poses. Nose to nose, eye to eye.
“I want for you to be happy… To do what you need to do to graduate in the best way for you. If we have to do this for another year, then we will. We can get through it.” Arry isn’t looking too convincing and I push myself against him firmly.
“Promise me we can get through this if it’s what I choose. Promise me, we won’t break. That I won’t lose you.” I cling to him, tears filling my eyes as I sigh heavily and try to swallow down the torrent of emotions. Fingers finding their own way to his jawline and cupping the face I love more than life.
“You can’t break what we have, Mimmo. We’re special. Love like ours has no breaking point. You will never lose us because neither would survive without the other. We’re like a bee and a flower; one needs the other for either to exist.” He pushes my face back with fingers on my chin, soft and heart wrenchingly sincere, bending in to kiss me softly on the mouth while still looking deep into my eyes. My heart dissolves at the sheer intimacy of the moment.
“You’re such a geek sometimes.” I laugh through runny sniffs, feeling less ready to commit murder and just sad and resigned to what’s happening here.
“I know. It’s why you can never hate me.” He pulls back to gaze at me from a more normal angle.
“I’m still mad at you for leaving me.” I inhale again to clear my sinuses and Arry frowns.
“You can’t be mad when I go… You know I have a serious problem with ever walking away from you mid-fight, baby. I did it once and it haunts me still.” He squeezes me tighter, pulling me back under his chin to hug crushingly and I don’t fight him. Remembering exactly what night he is talking about. A night where I genuinely feared I would never see him again and I never want to feel that way ever again in my lifetime. I close my eyes and hold tight, hating that even while dying with disappointment I still need him.
“I don’t want you to go… It’s too soon.” I press my face to his chest and try so hard to mold us into one, so he has no chance of leaving me.
“I don’t want to go… I have no choice. I made a commitment to this event, Sophs, it’s important. It’s for my mom’s charity, the same one that brought you into my life.” He tilts my chin back and stares at me, completely torn. He knows I cannot refuse him when it’s for that reason. I owe everything to that charity for saving me from a life that was heading nowhere good.
“You suck.”
“Come with me, take a few days off and just come this time. I hate this, Sophs … I hate doing this to you.” Arry’s determined, he has this idea in his head and now he is running with it. A solution to his current predicament.
“I can’t. I have my show in seven days, you know this, and I have still almost a week’s worth of last-minute fittings and stuff to do for it too.” I’m forlorn and just sigh with him.
Arry lifts his wrist and checks his watch and I sense him tense. I know without asking that he probably needs to go now, or very soon, and I’m clinging on desperately.
“My cab will be here in five minutes, baby. I really need to get my bags downstairs. I can’t miss this flight, or I’ll be late for the shoot tomorrow morning.” Arry leans in and kisses me again, this time with more meaning, closing eyes and gently opening my lips to his. His tongue sensually caressing mine with a tender yet passionate caress that makes my stomach erupt in fireworks. He pulls away after a minute and brushes back my hair kissing me on the forehead affectionately.
“You better be back here in six days.” I frown at him sternly, no longer crying, but empty, nonetheless.
“I promised you, didn’t I? … I left you mac and cheese in the oven, don’t forget to turn it off the warm setting it’s on. I put some cake in the fridge for you and Janetta is coming over at seven am to make you pancakes, clean up and check everything is off. Do not use the kitchen to cook food, please. Promise me?” He pulls me with him as he walks towards our bedroom, leaving me in the hall as he ducks in to grab his case and I try to ignore the heavy weight in my chest that’s threatening to crush me.
“Aye aye, Captain” I mock salute him, lacking any humor or enthusiasm and Arry sighs again, laying down his case for one last hug because he can tell that I am really not okay. He squeezes me so tight it almost hurts.
“I love you so much, Sophie. Don’t ever forget that. This is all temporary… We will get through this. I’ll be back in a few days.” He hits me with a chaste peck on the lips and scoops for his bag, swiping his messenger bag from the side table that he normally keeps his passport and such in and puts them both over his head to settle on his body.
“Six days.” I repeat numbly, watching him get himself ready to leave as I follow him to the main door.
“I know. I’ll call you every day and every night till I’m home.” He throws me that cute half smile of his with those irresistible dimples and I cave. Smiling, throwing myself into him one more time as he kisses me on top of the head.
“I love you.” I bury my face against him and let him give me one more squeeze, one more hold, one more inhale before he leaves me again.
“I love you more.”
And then he’s letting me go and he’s gone again. I don’t follow him to the door or watch him leave like I used to, it just prolongs the agony and I don’t look out the window to peer at the street for his departing taxicab. Instead I wander back to my room and lay on the bed and wonder what the point is anymore, in anything, when he isn’t here with me."
