CHAPTER409
“We’ll see.” My gut doing its crazy dive bomb thing again, trying to tell me something is most definitely not right when it comes to Camilla. I get an underlying sense of something ‘off’ whenever she has that look in her eye. I vaguely remember the same look when I told her at that bar that I started to feel too out of whack for only a couple of drinks, but I push it away.
“Toodles, I am off to find a party if you’re going to be boring and go to bed. I have a hunger for some rough and ready men tonight, so don’t be alarmed if you hear copious amounts of moaning and screaming later. Oh, and you may get someone popping by tonight with a present for me, just leave it in my room.” Camilla’s old familiar smile overtakes her face and she sweeps out in a blaze of scent, finally leaving me alone. Glad that she’s leaving me to just relax without any hassle, and I watch her depart for a second, turning back to scan the room before carrying on once more.
I finish dressing and slide into bed, discarding all of my things onto the floor next to me. I reach out to open the nightstand and retrieve my phone, torn between switching it on and putting it back. The last leg of my journey had seen my guilt eating away at me and I know I owe my family some sort of message to say I am at least safe. I’m not completely selfish. I know my parents will be beside themselves by now, and it is gnawing away inside me. My resolve is waning, over staying, completely silent, and the good child inside of me is worrying about my decision.
My fingers hesitate over the screen, so many doubts and fears as nerves get the better of me, but my stubborn mind kicks in and switches it on. I need to use google anyway. It only takes seconds for the beeps of incoming notifications, texts, and missed calls to send my phone crazy and my heart into erratic pounding. I can’t bear to open any of them, as I scan the list of names piling up in my inbox. Everyone from Jake, and Emma, to Leila, my parents, and even my brothers.
I sigh heavily, skimming the list of missed calls and stop on Emma, she is the one person who won’t go mad at me on the phone and reassure everyone else that I’m okay. She is the one person who will be able to put everyone’s mind at ease, and talk my parents around the rehab idea, with a little time. Taking a steady deep breath, I press call and slide it to my ear. Sitting propped in bed with bent knees and fiddling with the bedspread nervously.
It’s answered quickly, but by Jake instead of Emma, and my stomach drops.
“Sophie? Don’t hang up.” He sounds worried, that familiar deep voice knocks me sideways, not sure what to say, as it’s not who I expected.
“I thought I would get Ems, Jake … I.....” …. I hesitate, losing all courage and hoping Jake isn’t about to go commanding godfather on me. He is laid back and fun until he is pissed, and then Jake is a scary ass mofo.
“She’s napping, Mimmo. Sophs, honey, just tell us where you are. Your parents are frantic, and we have all been out looking for you.” Jake is being gentle, unusual for the bossy cyclone he normally is, but then Emma has been rubbing off on him for years.
“I came to the city, I’m with friends and I’m safe. I just need a little headspace to sort this out on my own. I didn’t mean to scare anyone, Jake. I’m sorry.” I let it out fast, voice trembling and hands shaking. My stomach doing the rhumba. I know by now everyone will know exactly why I ran; my parents will have told them about the plans to lock me up and have me packed off to solitary confinement. Jake sighs heavily.
“Are you going to tell me which friends and where exactly?” He asks pointedly. That edgy tone I know so well and have always loved him for.
“Don’t ask me that, I know only too well what you’re like. I need a little time. Tell my folks I’m okay, really. I’m not partying or being stupid. I need a little space and time, and then I’ll come back. I have real plans this time, stuff to make my life better, and none of it involves getting drunk or high.” I emphasize the latter with sarcasm, chewing my lip now, the little voices of my favorite little people in the background behind Jake make me smile, and then frown. I miss them all already and the ever-present doubts rear up again.
“I’ll be in the city tomorrow, Sophs. At least come meet me so I can see for myself that you really are okay. I can send a car for you to come to my office, or we can meet for lunch.”
“Jake, please don’t. I know only too well you would have your driver kidnap me and trundle me home. I know you, remember.” I giggle through a sudden onslaught of tears. Laughing at the man I know is more than capable. He once rescued me from an existence that was barely a life, and he would do it more forcefully if he thinks it’s what I need. Jake will always have a special place in my heart, alongside Emma, as they’re the ones who gave me the Huntsbergers and the means to escape horrendous abuse, both physically and mentally. I owe both of them more than this past year. It doesn’t mean I trust him not to roll me up in a bag and drag me home though.
“Emma will never forgive me if I don’t see you for myself. At least think about it. I’ll be at Carrero House all day for meetings, just show up on the sixty-fifth at any time and I’ll drop everything.” Jake is back to gentle mode, trying to coax me and not push for once. Even though I know I won’t, I know he’ll keep asking if I say no.
“Maybe. We’ll see.” I smile sadly to myself. “Look, Jake, I need to go. I’m tired and I’m tucking myself into bed for an early night, I promise. I’m staying put, and tomorrow I have places to go to collect some information. I’m thinking of looking into schools or something like that. I’m tired of free falling. Tell Emma I’m doing okay, and I’ll call her soon.”
Jake sighs again, only this time more from defeat.
“Okay, kiddo. Promise me you will at least call me again so we can talk more about all of this. Keep your phone on this time; there are lots of people going crazy to get in touch with you, even if it’s only the odd text to Emma, to let them all know you’re breathing. You owe them that at least.”
“I will. I’ll talk to you in a day or two, I promise. Please, just ask them to give me some time first. I’ll keep it on, but I’m not ready to take a hundred hostile calls.” I slide down in bed, wriggling under the covers as the wave of tiredness hits harder, all this emotional angst lately and the broken sleep and hangovers are killing me.
“I’ll do my best. Tomorrow, Sophs … Carrero House. I’ll be there all day.” He repeats firmly and I sigh.
“I know, I know. I’ll think about it. Get off the phone. I really am tired and in bed already.” I smile with affection as I picture the frown and huffy glare he’s probably giving me, that stubborn, green, fixated boyish scowl.
“Okay. Sleep then. But I mean it. Goodnight, kiddo. We all love you.”
I disconnect before he does. Chucking it aside and sliding down to get comfy in the huge king-size bed, yawning and stretching out lazily, feeling lighter now I know they will get the message that I’m okay. Feeling better because I talked to him and not Emma after all. He still has the same ability as Arrick to make things feel less messy and somehow okay. I guess because I know the force he can be, that he will appease my parents a little and will always be a phone call away. One Carrero brother I can still count on anyway.
Tiredness looks to ruin my reading plans, and I settle down on my side, heaviness coming over me immediately."
