CHAPTER304
Leila bursts into hysterical laughter and falls sideways on the bed unable to control herself.
“Oh, my God.” She wheezes trying to gain control. “Who knew hot stud Carrero would literally go celibate and turn into such a fish wife?” She bursts into another fit of giggles and I hit her with a cushion.
“It’s not funny! Sex happens to be one of his most defining qualities.” I laugh and throw another cushion when tears start pouring down her face, uncontrollable laughter bubbles forth from that petite little blonde.
“It’s kinda cute though.” She chokes, trying to get the laughter under control, hugging her ribs. “I mean he obviously loves his baby so much already that it’s messing with his head as much as you do, Emma.” She wipes her
eyes and throws one of the cushions back at me. I can’t help but enjoy the feeling of warmth it gives me and try to ignore the niggle of guilt I get when I think of Marissa’s baby.
“But what do I do about it? He says it’s partly to do with forgiving himself. But my hormones are crazy bad! I’m literally thinking of slipping Viagra in his coffee and raping him in his sleep!” I huff and flop back dejectedly. The inner frustration from aching for sex lately has brought back touchy and grouchy Emma. I need more than cuddles and caresses. Jake has shown me a whole world of kinky sexual fulfillment and I need that back too.”
“You wouldn’t need to. Jake has that sleep thing … Ummm sexo … something.” Leila points out distractedly while thumbing through the magazine still on the bed.
“Sexsomnia!” I sit upright remembering our conversation in Chicago a while ago. He initiates sex while sleeping if he’s overly stressed.
“Yeah, get him stressed to the max then make the moves on him in the middle of the night and he’ll do the rest. If he does it once he’ll see, there’s no danger.” Leila laughs but I sigh and shake my head at her.
“I couldn’t do that, it’s too sordid and seems like I’d be taking advantage of him. He wouldn’t be happy about it and I couldn’t do it. It would be wrong on so many levels.” I can just imagine the amount of pissed off I would get from Jake if he thought he’d done the deed while not being aware of it. The anger at not being able to protect me from himself and anger at me for deliberately pushing him to do it. I know only too well how that head works.
“So? You just need to pull out all the stops and seduce him. Push out those crazy fears and doubts by whirling him into a lust fueled frenzy he has no control over. You seemed to be more than capable of that before all this.” Leila winks across at me with a smirk. I think about what she’s saying for a long moment and smile.
“You’re completely right. I’ve got so used to Jake running after me, pandering to my every need, and still basically kissing ass to make up for things, that I haven’t once thought about turning on the sex myself.”
I have spent weeks being heartbroken and moody at having a version of Jake I’m not used to, pampering my every mood and I haven’t even thought about unleashing my own powers of persuasion. The Emma from our games and Emma from the night in this very house dressed in sexy lingerie and tight dresses that drove him wild. Emma who knew how to push Jake’s buttons. I need to up the game and remind him of just how much he wanted me.
Where is that, Emma?
She has been mourning and sulking, hiding herself for fear of letting him back in and now she has no reason not to. She wants him back in, needs him, and she sure as hell is going to show him that’s what he needs too. I’ll be damned if I spend the entirety of this pregnancy as a sex starved, hormonal, crazy, bitch with serious sexual frustration. I am sure as hell going to get Jake back to how he was when I had no baby bump on show and could make the most of sexy lingerie and kinky fun. He doesn’t know what is about to hit him. I am going to seduce Jake Carrero and sweep him off his feet this time! I need that man back, the one who drove me crazy with lust and wasn’t afraid to have sex in many compromising positions in various locations. He made me feel desired and sexy.
“You know you’ve completely ruined one of New York’s most eligible bachelors now?” Leila eyes me up with a mischievous smile.
“How so?” I smile at her, furrowing my brow.
“Workaholic, jet-setting man-whore, a serious commitment-phobe with an adrenaline junkie lifestyle. Now he’s a doting fiancée with baby on the way, buying houses, avoiding work and dangerous hobbies like the plague. You know even if you left him now Emma, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. His old life has no appeal anymore, it wouldn’t satisfy him the way it once did. Irreversible damage little one. I’m so proud of you.” She grins and squeezes the ankle of my outstretched foot, affectionately, and I can only smile back at Leila’s always refreshing view from the outside.
“I guess you’re right.” I ponder her words and gaze at my lap.
Is that what happened to me too? Is this why going back to the Carrero Corporation no longer holds appeal or any sort of tug?
That girl was so focused on her job as an assistant because it was what she needed. Focus and control and details to oversee, a distraction from her own life and pain. She liked to immerse herself in someone else’s realities and needs, it helped her push down any sort of emotion needed to connect to a life. She had no life.
Now I’m struggling to go back because it no longer satisfies me or appeals in any way, because Jake changed me too. Irreversible damage! And if he left me now, I could never go back to who I was either. That life is so far in my past that it’s no longer connected to me in any way. The girl I was no longer resembles the woman I have become. I need a new tomorrow, a new purpose and focus in life, I need a new job."
