CHAPTER604
Dickhead.
“Stop organizing my fucking life for me and smoothing over the fact that this is NOT okay. This is beyond not okay; far, far, far, from O Fucking K.” I push his hands off and curl up into a ball in the corner of the couch. Being my cute, little spit ball, difficult Sophie, self, that used to be a much more common presence and not for the first time I wonder why he ever stuck around back then. “Just let me breathe.”
I was like this a hell of a whole lot more when I was moving on from my past and like he’s being now… Arry stayed patient with me.
“I need to call my brother and tell him; he needs to know what’s going on here. He will be the one to switch up the Rota for my schedule and the planned meetings, so I don’t need to head back to the city so soon.” I know that’s code for I may look calm, but I’m not, and I need to go get my brother to talk me down from jumping off a ledge and maybe hold my hand. I wish he didn’t feel the need to be so pulled together in front of me. I want him to be like I’m being, to freak out with me like he was in the first few minutes. I need him to not be so fake happy about this.
“I don’t care… Go away, you’re making me worse.” I slap the hand off me that comes to my thigh and he eye rolls before getting up.
“A lesser man would take offence to his fiancée hating on him like this, Baby. Give me a little break, please.” He tries for endearing and gets a tongue stuck out at him.
“Mature… I love you… Stop sulking and go eat.” He pats my head like a puppy and receives another hand slap before retreating in the direction of the hall with an indulgent look back at me, and I know he is going to the kitchen to call Jake. Have his man time with his mentor and probably start comparing baby names and father to be clubs.
Ughhh.
I’m fucking pregnant.
I wish the ground would open and swallow me whole.
He is right though, I am hungry and even his crappy food platter of all things wholesome is calling to me, whether I want to admit it or not. I get up and slink to the bedroom in search of nourishment and close the door behind me to get some head space. Maybe I can figure out how the hell to deal with this if he stays out of my way for a while.
***
“I will maim you.” I growl at him over the huge tub of ice cream he is trying to extract from my clenched hands and giving me that ‘I will physically remove it and discipline you at the same time’ glare.
“It’s after eight pm and all you have eaten all day is fruit and three tubs of ice cream, Sophs.” He yanks it free and pulls the spoon out of my hand too. Bossy asshole in full swing as I reach out clawing for it.
“I didn’t want snails.” I sulk.
“She didn’t make snails… those were mushrooms and it’s called real food. You didn’t touch anything either of us made you all day. You can’t keep living holed up in here eating frozen yoghurt for days on end.”
“Yes, I can, it’s the upside for my impending fatness.” I give him a tearful look and he eyerolls at me, sighing heavily. His patience lasted maybe another twenty-four hours and now he is seriously starting to lose the rag with me. He’s tried to give me space and I tried so hard to make my peace with this, it’s just not happening. The more I think about it, the more terrified and fucked up I get. So scared and it’s consuming me.
There are so many reasons that me and a baby should never be paired up. I have seriously no maternal instinct, no great beginning in life to show me what a mom should be like with a baby and no desire to throw my life away so soon.
“Stop wallowing and get up. You’re coming to the kitchen to eat and then I’m showering you and getting you out of this bed.” Arry yanks me by the ankle and sends me flying backwards to land on my back on the bed, which is now a little food splattered from nesting in here all day.
I didn’t even let him sleep in here last night, he had to go camp out on the couch because I told him I was going to castrate him in his sleep if he even tried. He is getting the full brunt of the blame now. I don’t care if I am being a psychopath. I feel like shit, my hormones all over the place and I want to stab people.
His stupid ass, whore faced, big tittied, tramp of a PA called him this morning and even that made me irrationally insane from through here, hearing her fucking dickhead name. I wanted to walk through and ram his cell up his ass.
Stupid Miss. Boobs. and her non-pregnant self. Ughhh.
I get that this is probably first stages of hormones doing this to me, mingled with a lot of crazy messy head as I work through acceptance, but right now, I am going insane. I am aware of this, but I can’t do a damned thing about it.
Arrick comes back after depositing my ice cream in the kitchen and forcibly lifts me from the bed, legs first, hauling me down towards him and then picks me up like a child.
“What are you doing?” I stare at him sadly, so over feeling like this and realizing I have no fight at all left.
“What I do best, taking care of Sophie.” He smiles softly and carries me to the bathroom, pops me on my feet as he walks forward and switches on the shower and tests the temperature.
“Sophie isn’t here right now, she left you for being a prick and knocking her up.” I retort huffily, and he throws me an indulgent backwards glance.
“Yeah well, you look a lot like her, and you share her tantrum Diva side so guess I’ll just take care of you.” He carries on putting my shampoos and wash at the little shelf beside the water nozzle and turns to put towels on the heated rail. Just watching him go about getting my shower ready, being calm, steady, and loving pushes out the last of my fire and guilt consumes me.
“I’m sorry that I am being insane… I feel…” I can’t even say it out loud because I know how it makes me sound.
I’m heartbroken for a life I planned that is now dust. I’m in over my head and running for the hills."
