CHAPTER510
He chuckles harder, pleased with his bedroom antics, although I am most definitely glad he isn’t truly a good boy when it comes to that.
“Because I now have an itching for a new one, thanks to you, and I need to find a good spot for ‘I love Sophie’ on my body.” He stretches out, dropping his fork and eyes me seriously, I roll my eyes, again.
“Don’t you dare! Do you know how lame it is when girls get their boyfriends name tattooed on them? You would be worse than lame if you did it, worse than a lame girl.” I point out.
“So somewhere people can’t see it then?” He asks innocently, and I literally want to smack him on the head.
“Stop it, you’re not even funny. Considering you fight half naked, and all over the TV when you do, then the only unseen bits are not getting tattooed.” I stomp my foot, missing his toes by millimeters and start to get agitated with his so called playful joke.
“A little bit funny. I can see you smiling. Are you thinking about the bits the other girls don’t get to see?” He winks at me again, that mischievous dirty look coming on and I lose the will to live, smile breaking on my face despite trying so hard not to let it.
God, he makes me so gahhhhhh.
“Pretty sure there are not a whole lot of girls in New York who haven’t, at one time, seen what’s in your shorts, Arry.” I raise an accusing eyebrow, biting on my lip to kill the grin that is trying to surface. Not really that bothered that he has a past as a man whore anymore, I now see the benefits.
“Ouch baby. So no to a new tattoo then? Or just no to Sophie in naughty places…. I kinda like the idea of Sophie in naughty places.” He reaches out for my hand and I bat him away. Looking for a distraction of any sort to shut him up and leave me be about scarring my skin with another mistake. It’s not that I don’t like the little black rose on my back and the memories of him holding my hand when I got it, it’s just I am not really a lover of permanent marks on me. Even if he did tell me I was like a little rose, beautiful, but came with thorns if you didn’t know how to handle me.
Now I see the symbolism in that.
“What about that one? What does it mean, and please don’t say it’s weird and vague and has something to do with cartoons?” I point at a symbol on his left pec, giggling at him; off center, near the middle of his chest, trying to get him back to the previous topic.
I don’t think I have ever asked about that one before, nestled there as though the other art came after. It stands out because its encircled with borders and tribal patterns yet seems out of place, a different style entirely. It looks like Japanese symbols, maybe. Arrick looks down and points to the one I am gesturing, seeing me nod, he frowns and suddenly seems to lose all his joking chill.
“Little Warrior.” He glances at me warily, frowning still and I wonder why that would even be one he wanted. Or why his mood has suddenly turned cagey and I get that slight wary feeling to my nerves that he doesn’t really want me to ask. I wonder why. It’s not like it’s another girls name, or maybe it has something to do with a girl and I feel instantly sick at the thought.
“But you’re not little.” I push, despite my own niggles and look over the mass of muscle of show. He isn’t exactly short either. My gut is telling me to leave it alone, but I am an idiot and cannot. I want to know, yet I don’t and now that we’re talking about it, I can’t just say it doesn’t matter.
Damn me, and my dumb head.
Arrick sighs heavily, stares at it for a moment, face unreadable and brows dipped down as though he’s thinking about what to say. I’m hit with that tremor of dread and wonder if it belongs to a past girlfriend that I don’t know about, so sure he had it long before Natasha was around.
“It’s not my tattoo……… It’s yours.” Arrick’s face straightens finally, looking serious and a little evasive, he sits up a little straighter and starts toying with his food, avoiding looking at me. My breath catches in my throat with that unexpected response and I blink at him, so very still.
“What do you mean it’s mine?” I don’t know if I should be smiling or confused, unsure how to feel or why he would choose that for me, on his body. He seems to take a long moment of pause, inhaling slowly before even attempting to answer me. Adding to the nervous tension building inside of me as I sit staring at him.
“I got it after he was convicted for what he did to you.” Arrick looks uncomfortable, eyes glancing my way and I put my fork down and really stare at the tattoo again, then at him with absolute disbelief. He has had it for years and I never thought to ask before, but I don’t get why he’s never told me this. Why he would never tell me this.
“Why?” I blink at him unsurely, tears prickling my eyes as something chokes me in the base of my throat. Happiness sliding away to something deeper, painful, yet not.
“As a reminder…. To always keep my little warrior with my heart, close to me always, so I can protect her.” His eyes come to mine, the hazel color flecked with green and heavily emotional too. I know he’s being completely honest, and it makes my heart ache so much more. A tear gathers in my eye and rolls down my cheek as the realization hits me that he didn’t do this for me, he did this for him, because I meant so much. It’s huge, to know that even back then I had this much of an impact on him. I was still a kid and going through the worst ordeal of my life.
“I’m your little warrior?” I repeat numbly, not sure why he even sees me that way. Overcome with the fact that he’s had this there all along and I can’t stop the tears rolling down my face at the fact he loves me this much. He always loved me this much.
“I watched you stand up every day in the trial and face him head on Sophie, not once did you ever let him see you break. Even if after, you cried in my arms for hours on end. It was hell on earth to watch you look him in the face and tell them what he did, it was beyond brutal, so I couldn’t imagine what it was like for you. You were so strong, it was you who made it all stop, you who made sure he got what he deserved…. You taught me the real meaning of being a warrior… You taught me that nothing can’t be overcome, even if it hurts like hell, and you sometimes need to breakdown to keep going. No matter how many scars it leaves on you, you kept fighting. I have never been prouder in my life.” He focuses on me, eyes soft, tone softer and I break, gasping as a sob hits me in the chest. The full weight of what all of this means. How intense his feelings must have been all these years and he still hadn’t even known it.
“Why did you never tell me.” I implore him, trying so hard to not fall to pieces knowing he’s carried this with him these last years, always had me on his body, etched over his heart. It’s so painfully beautiful.
Arrick gets up and comes around to beside me, kneeling on the floor so he can turn my face to his with a hand under my chin, wiping my tears with his fingers.
“It was for me… I didn’t want you to look at it and remember what it stood for.” He has tears in his eyes too. The momentous weight of this little thing isn’t lost on me at all. Hitting me like a freight train that he has always loved me, meaning he had never really been able to love her at all. I couldn’t see it any clearer than I do right now and it’s literally twisting my heart to shreds. Happy shreds, painfully but good. Crying even though it’s not out of sadness.
“You loved me… Even then?” I sniff to try and curb some of the tears, voice a little rough but he only smiles through his own.
“I did. Deep down I have always known, Sophs… I couldn’t face it, I was scared. I had so much to lose by going down this route. You… I had you to lose, and I figured that if I pushed it all down deep and ignored it then I could keep you the way I had you. Safe and straightforward, no chance of fucking it up.” He pulls me from my seat and onto his lap, so I can straddle him and curl myself around him, nose to nose, unable to stop the tidal wave of emotion that’s overcome me.
“Were you scared when you chose to stay with her and made me go?” I lock eyes on his, holding myself together a little more and needing to understand that night. Needing to know so I can let it go. He wounded me when he made that choice and I so badly need to understand the why.
“I was…. I don’t deal well with emotional mess. Drama. I felt like my head was going to explode with all the shit that hit me that night. I did what I do best…. I reversed, locked it all up safe and tried to put everyone back in their pigeonholes so we could go on and not have to face any of it.” Arrick’s instantly remorseful, tightening his arms around me and pulling me in closer as though he wants to squeeze it all away.
“You never thought it was pushing me to leave? Ending us?” I look down between us, heart aching so much with a conversation we should have had properly a while ago. I have never wanted to address these wounds after that first night."
