CHAPTER630
Heart break erupting and I don’t want to be left here being laughed at by his bitch PA. I turn on my heel and start pushing my way back out of this infernal bar. Eyes filling up and insides crumbling. So many people get in my way and it’s near impossible to get anywhere fast. I literally feel like my body is being pulled through a wringer as I fight the sweep of incoming bodies. Hurting, breathless, and trying to hold my shit together while my heart self-implodes.
I get to the door finally, limbs aching and trembling with the effort of keeping myself upright and reach out to grasp the handle as someone grabs my upper arm from behind and pulls me back. I turn instinctively to battle whatever man thinks he can touch me, fierce sweeping over heart break and come face to face with hazel/green eyes under a set brow that takes my breath away and puts me into instant submission.
Arrick doesn’t say anything. He looks at me for a moment and then let’s go of me and shoves his hands into his pockets rather than keep touching me. He shifts from one foot to the other as he looks at anyone else but me and shrugs carelessly.
“I’ll hear you out…Then you need to go. So I can have some space to think.” Closed off, unemotional and distant. He nods at a far booth that is being vacated and I impulsively move to follow. Grasping at this tiny flicker of hope he’s giving me, even if I feel like I have already lost him. I’m crushed inside and clinging on to anything he’s giving me right now, clinging to that glimmer that he cared enough to follow me.
We slide into opposite sides of the table and he leans back, moving to a casual lounging pose that screams ‘back off’ and avoids looking directly at me. My insides start to somersault, and I cast a glance down the bar automatically where he has come from and wonder if maybe, just maybe, he really was here with her. That in his head we were done when he got back to the city and Amanda and he are hooking up. Coldness sweeps through my face as the blood drains from my body and I glance back at him nervously.
No. No. He wouldn’t. I’m being insecure and dumb because he’s not falling over me to get us back on track.
I try and push it down and pick up a beer mat to start picking at instead, trying to hold myself together. Knowing he’s waiting on me to say something, so I scramble my brain for the words. I have never been good at being the talker, I have always relied on him to lead me in every way. It’s so not easy to make the words come out of my mouth.
“I needed thinking space from us, even though it was wrong for me to do that. I see that now. I’ve done nothing but think about everything Arry. Think about you.” I try for sincere, aching to reach out and take his hand he has resting on the table as his other taps on his thigh.
“And?” He seems disinterested, but I know it’s an act. His mask is on and he’s hurting too. I’ve hurt my baby boy.
“I know I have a lot to apologize for, I don’t even know where to start.” Words are evading my crazily blank and terrified brain.
“Maybe I can help with that? Let’s start with how much I do for you, run myself crazy over the world for a year so you can be where you need to be. Do everything I can to make life better for you, and then when shit hits the fan I’m the one you push the fuck away.” The edge to his tone, the low husky veiled anger. I don’t blame him for any of it but at least he’s talking, letting me talk. I won’t recoil into bratty tantrum because he’s not being how he normally is. Arry is the one who always ends our fights and comes after me. The one who relents and lets me have my way for a quiet life. I guess he finally realized it was all for nothing.
“I’m sorry. You’re right about all of that, and so much more.” It’s feeble and weak and glimpsing PA bitch appearing in the background to peek out and scurry back to her brood only makes me more insanely emotional. It’s like she’s waiting for him, giving foundation to the fact that something is going on here.
“I’m sorry too… You were right… We are so not ready for marriage and kids, Sophie…Guess that was a fucking blessing after all. Just as well it came to nothing and nature took care of it nice and cleanly right? Saved you the hassle.”
His words are like a knife to my heart and it’s not the wedding comment, it’s all of it. The sarcasm, Arry basically saying he didn’t want our baby either, callously, and we both know that’s not true at all. He’s dismissing it now, as nothing… A bullet dodged. He’s only trying to hurt me and he’s succeeding.
“Arry, I’m trying, and you are making this so hard. I’m sorry I fucked up and I made a lot of mistakes in the past year. I love you. I need you and you love me too; we can fix things. I didn’t mean anything when I sent you away, other than I needed brain space. I needed to process and come to terms with all of this. I know I failed you and that’s why I came here. To make it right, to tell you I’m sorry.” I grip the edge of the table and will him to look at me but it’s getting impossible to breathe. My normal levelheaded easy to win round man is not acting like someone I know how to deal with. I don’t know what to say or do right now.
“Maybe I’m the one who needs the space now.” He still won’t glance at me and I catch sight of Boobs heading this way and sink inside. She looks determined to intervene and I glance him up and down, second guessing what’s been going on as she comes level with the table.
“Sorry to interrupt, it’s … You left your cell on the table and it keeps ringing. It’s your brother so I figured it must be important.” She holds out his cell to him and he sits up straighter, taking it immediately and starts scrolling the screen with a furrowed brow. I look her up and down in her inappropriately short tight skirt and the fact I can see her black lace bra through her top without any effort.
Slut.
“I need to go call him back. I’ll be back in a minute.” Arrick slides out past her as she stays extremely close so that he almost rubs against her as he does so, and all my alarm cylinders go haywire. I know it could just be her and he’s innocent, like before, but it’s cutting deep, and my insecure jealous psycho side is straining against my will power to come flying out and punch her in the throat.
As soon as he is gone, with her eyes trailing him, she turns back to me with a fake half smile, lingers awkwardly for a minute and then silently wanders off. Like I am of no mere importance to her and now he’s not here she no longer wants to be.
Bitch.
I strum my fingers on the table impatiently, angrily and try to calm my racing thoughts and feelings as they put two and two together to make fifty-three. I need to get a grip and focus on the here and now. I watch her maneuver back through the crowd until she is out of sight and jump when Arrick walks back into my line of vision. Except he’s not walking to me but following Miss. Boobs. across the bar and I gawp in disbelief.
Impulsively, insane jealousy makes me jump up to follow; my heart hammering in my chest and I am close on his heels as he gets to the crowd of people at the table. From my distant pace I spot him catch up with her, tap her on the shoulder as she turns, and he says something to her with a dead pan look on his face. She reaches out and pats his arm affectionally and I see red.
Storming forward to bridge the gap but then lose my fire when he turns back this way and walks towards me, catching sight of me last second and his expression clouds over. I guess he’s registering the look on my face and his mood drops further. In one look he cuts me down. A furious glare that signals he knows what I was thinking of doing and he’s not impressed.
He comes level, catches me by the elbow abruptly and pushes me back the way I came with him with a little more aggression than I think Arry has ever used on me.
“We need to go. You can come or go home, make a choice before I get us a cab.” He mutters at me coldly and even though accusations are poised on my lips concerning Busty over there, I follow him mutely, simmering and keep step with his fast-paced footsteps."
