CHAPTER634
I pause, tears hitting the back of my eyes that he’s holding me too, so afraid to break the spell by saying anything. I have to fight the instant sob that tries to escape and cling to him desperately. My glimmer of hope that he might still want me. It feels so big I can’t control the pain it causes my heart and soul.
“Don’t hate me” I whisper sincerely, barely audible as I choke on feelings that are erupting within me. Face dampening with subtle tears. We hug, for what seems like minutes before he says anything. His voice tickling my skin delicately down the back of the shirt I have on.
“I don’t hate you. I love you. I just feel like it’s all one-sided, Sophs.” That revelation wounds me deep inside and I pull myself back, so I can push my nose against his. Tears trickling down my cheeks as I find his eyes in the dim light.
“It’s not one sided. I love you more than life, and I need you. I’ve been stupid, selfish, and broken. I would die without you. I can’t function when I’m not with you. I came home because I need you, always.” I press my forehead to his and cup his face with flat palms, aching to kiss him and heal inside. Needing more than anything to hear him say that we can fix this, we can still have a future. Arrick looks right back, so much hidden below the surface and I can’t read him at all.
“You let me down.” He utters and although his tone is more of a statement than accusation, like a knife in the chest and I nod at him.
“I know I did.” Tears bite at me as more roll down my face and I jump a little when his fingers touch my cheek to wipe some away.
“You have to learn to trust me. I’m not sleeping with Amanda. Nothing’s going on there, nothing ever will.” He looks me straight in the eye and I nod again.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Heart pounding with the relief that he’s letting me in, that his wall is coming down slowly.
“I can’t always be the strong one when things get tough; sometimes I need to be able to lean on you, or all of this, it won’t work.” Arrick lifts me up a little and pulls my pelvis to sit against his more snugly so he can wrap his arms around me low down. Still nose to nose, still an emotional wreck but I am slowly calming down with the realization that he’s not done with us yet. I feel like sobbing in sheer relief and my inside are fit to bursting with how he is making me feel.
“I swear I will learn; I will try.” And I mean it with every fiber of my soul.
“We need to grieve together… The baby was real. We’re hurting, but we will get through it.” He sounds determined and his strength makes my heart crumble fully. I press our noses together and angle, so we are practically lip to lip. Arrick’s hands come up and slide into my hair, cupping my face so he can hold me close and rest our faces against one another a little more intimately. “No more pushing me away.” He says it sternly and I shake my head, more tears falling freely and willing to agree to just about anything he asks of me right now.
“I promise.” It’s so breathy it’s barely audible.
“We’re better together, we always have been. We need to learn how to handle shit when things get hard. We need to figure out how to be stronger for the next hurdle.” He frowns at me, overcome emotionally too and his eyes mist over a little like mine as I nod.
“We will.” I swear on my life that I will try my hardest.
“We also need to figure out what is happening with this.” He lets go of my face and catches my hand, pulling up the finger with my engagement ring as he runs his thumb over it, and I close my own around his tightly.
“I don’t want to cancel our wedding, I never did. I still want to marry you. I know it won’t fix us and it’s dumb to even still want it to go ahead so soon, but I want to be yours always. I never want to lose you.” My insecurity peeking through and he finally leans in and kisses me. Tension severed and I sag into him.
Soft slow and gentle. A grazing of lips that make the last ounces of me explode. Heart soaring as he teases his mouth against mine and finds my face with his fingers again to cup my cheek and get me closer. His kiss restores the parts of my soul that have been bleeding for days and I sink into it to let myself get lost in how right this always felt. An eruption of fireworks and low churning ache in my stomach that we really are okay. That Arrick still wants me the way I want him.
When he finally pulls back, wrapped up in each other and still a hair width apart, he sighs heavily.
“Let’s just do it. Fuck everything and have something good come out of this year before it’s over. We can work out the kinks along the way. I’m tired of all the shit that always stops us being happy. Let’s be dumb and spontaneous for once in our lives.” He leans up and kisses me on the forehead as I wrap myself back around his neck and refuse to let go.
“I like that idea.” Even if sense is telling me it’s crazy, considering the turbulent few months we have had. “On one condition.” I add in afterthought as he rubs his thumb over my bottom lip and pulls me close again with the intention of another kiss, I stop him with a palm on his chest and he frowns at me.
“What is it?” He looks worried, brushes back my hair and gazes at me as though the sun and moon really do rise and fall in my face. I don’t think I have ever felt such giddy relief in seeing him look at me the way he is doing right now. That glimpse of indifference and lack of love for me in the past few hours terrified me to death. I don’t think I would ever function again if he ever stopped looking at me the way he is doing now.
“Rip up your resignation… Make amends with your dad. He loves you, Arry, more than you know and your family business is important to not only him, but us. For you to still be a part of what he’s building, to hand down to your own kids too. Our kids. You need it… You need that drive, that focus in life. You won’t be happy otherwise. After what’s happened with him tonight, you need to still have that time with him as much as you can.”
His fight career will dwindle down one day, and he will be left with nothing but time and regret to fill his days. I want his happiness. I want him to still be a part of the world in which he belongs.
“You’re a hard act to refuse, you know that, Sophie Huntsberger.” He sounds more normal and second by second the layers of closed off and distant are peeling away. I can feel the tension dropping out of him as he relaxes with me.
He swings me sideways, so I end up on my back on the fluffy floor with a squeal at the sudden maneuver. He gets on top of me slowly, leaning his weight into me until he’s got us both comfy, face to face while flat on my back.
“You wouldn’t be happy with an easy life… It’s not in you.” I tease him softly and trace that gorgeous face with inquisitive fingers. Amazed at how one person can take you from empty devastation to safe and loved in one mood change. I really am hopeless for him and my entire happiness depends on him always being in my life this way.
“It wouldn’t have been the end… You know that, right? I was pissed and hurting, but I would never let you go. I need you to know that. I need you to hear it from me after how I acted.” He looks remorseful and it twinges at my heart strings.
“I wasn’t so sure.” I admit painfully, honestly and he brings down his nose to mine. Hos eyes narrowing as the green pops out more.
“I told you once before, didn’t I? That no matter how big it feels, how broken we seem … I will never walk away from you for anything in the world. You are a part of me. The best part, even if sometimes you make me crazy. I may get mad and act like a jerk, say stupid shit I don’t mean, but I will always come for you. Always want you.” He traces my necklace around my neck and pulls the little puzzle pendant to sit in the dip on my throat before leaning down and kissing me right there. “You’re the missing piece of my heart. You make it beat. You make me whole.”
I close my eyes to the feel of him against my neck and wrap my arms around his neck once more. Consumed with so many emotions all at once as my eyes glaze over.
I love you more than life, Arrick Carrero.
“It’s hard to believe when I go and break everything to pieces.” I smile remorsefully when he comes back up to look me in the eye once more. Tracing the tear which rolls down my cheek before he kisses that away too.
My gentle Arry is back with me in all his glory and I have never felt more complete in my life. I need this part of him more than air. I never knew how badly until this very second.
“Well I happen to be good at gluing things back together. You’ve given me a lot of practice.” He smiles cheekily and this time dips in for a kiss on the mouth that blows my mind and ends anymore conversation."
