CHAPTER500
A horrible, cruel, evil, impulsive girl who could physically hurt him that way, injure my protector, my soul and reason for living. I start sobbing harder and bury my face in my knees brokenly. Unable to look at him, so ashamed of this little bitch who lives inside of me eternally, her need to always lash out and hurt people, even when they try to love her.
“Sophie, let me look. Let me see. I won’t touch you, just let me see.” His soft voice, trembling badly, is over the top of me now, pleading, begging, his body heat caging me in. He moves in around me, trying to angle in to look at me with his hands on the floor so he doesn’t physically touch me and yet also trying to give me space and not cross the barrier I have placed around myself. I flicker my eyes up, heart breaking and needing more than ever to feel, back in his arms where dirty awful things don’t happen to me, where I know he won’t let anything bad happen to me.
I reach out impulsively, launch and lasso myself around his neck, crying into his chest as his arms come around me tightly, pulling me into his lap as he buries his face in my hair securely and cradles my head against him protectively.
“I’m sorry, baby. So fucking sorry. I will never scare you like that again, I don’t know what I was thinking. Forgive me, Mimmo. I love you so much, Sophie, I would never do anything like that to you, I couldn’t hurt you that way, for anything. I’m a fucking asshole.” His voice is torn, ravaged with emotion, there’s moisture on his cheek as I find his face to rub against mine, trying to wrap him around me like the security I always need. Aching to forget the darkness and find the light once more. Unravelling completely.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. Don’t hate me…. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t.” I sound like a broken child, vulnerable and small, wiping my face clumsily with the back of my knuckles, and crying when I see more blood smeared across them. Unable to face what I’ve done to him and breaking my heart at the same time. So much remorse washing through me, shame, regret at everything I’ve done.
“Shh … don’t, baby, please. Here … let me see.” He tilts my chin up to him, brushing back my hair and scrutinizes my face, wiping his fingers over me and removing traces of blood from across my cheek. His eyes intent on searching my face and neck and the relief which washes over him is undeniable.
“It’s mine … Thank God.” He sighs heavily, squeezing me in forcefully, emotion flooding his beautiful, angelic face, eyes filled with unshed tears. “I would never forgive myself if I made you bleed. I would never hurt you. I never want to hurt you.” He rests his forehead against mine, breathing me in as we both sit and try to regain equilibrium, still locked together on the floor and oblivious to anything but each other, wrapped tight and entangled almost unnaturally.
“Sex doesn’t matter, Sophie. It never did. I will be with you, love you, always, even if we never go down this route again. I don’t need it, I just need you. I didn’t leave her because of that. I left her because I didn’t love her anymore, if I ever really loved her at all. I was … I am, in love with you, in a way that doesn’t even compare, and I want to be with you, only you.” Arrick pulls my face to him so he can press us close, eyes locked, wiping my face still and trying to reassure me. Ever loving and back to the guy that I trust and adore. Bringing some silence to my ravaged brain. I’m exhausted, wiped out and so very shaky and fragile. Like the rug has been ripped out from under my feet and left me free falling.
“Don’t hate me.” I croak through tears, scared that I will lose him for doing this to him. His words lost on me while all I can see is the evidence of how I attacked him; hating that I could do that to him. Fingers move up impulsively to try and trace the wounds I gave him, but he catches my hand, sucking in his lip to remove the flow of blood and pushes my hand to his heart instead.
“I could never hate you, Sophs. I made you do this, you have nothing to be sorry for. Never be sorry for protecting yourself, even from me. I’ve had a lot worse from being in the ring, I’m tough enough to take anything you can throw at me, baby.” He leans in and kisses me gently on the forehead then moves to my mouth grazing his lips over mine. I taste his blood, but it doesn’t affect me the way that slimy prick from months ago did. His blood made me gag and feel disgusting. Arrick’s tastes like my blood, tastes like nothing that would repulse me, a part of him that doesn’t affect me. I let him kiss me again as though he too needs the reassurance. I can’t respond though and pull my hands free to trace the marks on his face when he moves away.
“Don’t … I deserve them and more.” Arrick pushes his forehead to mine as he lifts me with him steadily, gathering me up, cradling me like a child and carries me towards his room, holding me close, tenderly. He walks us into the bedroom and gently lays me on the bed, running a hand over my hair as he gives me an intense look. Pulling his shirt off over his head and throwing it aside as I watch him in silence, tears subsiding as he grabs a fresh T-shirt and pulls that on over the claw marks evident on his shoulder and chest. He moves me over, so he can get on beside me and pulls me close to him once more, his heat absorbing me and cradling me into his body gently.
“I’m sorry.” He runs a hand across my face and wipes away my tears, holding my face to his, an arm around my waist and keeps me close. I’m drained so suddenly like there’s nothing left of me and I’m starting to numb it all out like a dream that never really happened. Emotional exhaustion taking over.
“I’m so tired.” I whisper breathily, wiped out from the outburst and aching to lie in his arms and close my eyes, forget all of it. To let go of any of this shameful bullshit I just inflicted on him.
“It’s okay, go to sleep. I’m right here. I’ll take care of you, always watch over you so you can stay safe.” Arrick kisses my forehead softly, gently tracing my cheek with his caressing fingers. I close my eyes against his throat, held tight and secure in the only place that ever felt like a real haven for me, even if minutes ago I thought he was someone else.
I bury my face against his strong neck and breathe in the smell of him, the familiarity of his skin against me and the perfection of his encircling embrace. Finally, safe, finally calm and I never want to lose this moment of complete stillness to go back there ever again."
